Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Keeping promises is great, and I'd not stay with a woman who proved time and again that her promises were rubbish, but there is more to a good person than integrity. I know a lot of cold-hearted people who are proud of the fact they keep promises but otherwise treat people like crap. Compassion, caring, and a willingness to sacrifice for the other person, as well as the ability to recognize and appreciate the sacrifices that the other person makes for you, are things that rate high in my book when it comes to relationships.

 

Of course there is more. In fact, I don't believe true integrity is possible while treating others badly. It's not like you can stick to just contracts and disregard all the other obligations. The relationship with the world and the other peopleis not merely obligations, either. We all live and a more proper word would be love, as in the love of the neighbour.

 

Personally, I don't find being too self-sacrificing attractive. I could not put up with someone who constantly values other people's happiness above his own (especially in vital matters)...it's an unhealthy mechanism and suggests a lack of self-confidence and a dependence problem.

Mothers who keep handing their good-for-nothing sons/daughters money when they visit and charmingly ask for more don't have to be pittied or held in high esteem because they sacrifice a lot, they have to learn to stand up for themselves and distance themselves from their children. In doing so, they probably also do the kids a favour.

Our society's attitude towards such matters seems to be dominated by a mass of people who need to keep this dependence system up and running because they would otherwise be confronted with a fundamental lack in their own Self. Gnothi seauton.

 

Grrr... can't work women out. Been out on a few dates with this lass I like. Met her around town on nights out etc. Had a few kisses etc. She's shown lots of interest. She would text me in the mornings, then we'd text all day. She'd seek me out when she knew I was out in a club or something. I've been a happy soul because I thought I was well in with this lovely girl. Now she's just turned around and said she wants to be friends.

I reckon she's met someone else who's got her attention. I can't come out and ask her what's changed though, makes me seem needy, I've just tried to play it cool. I'm gutted though, she's all I've thought about lately.

I'll stick in there though and try and stay in the picture. I like her, she's lovely avd everyone who knows her thinks she's lovely. I'll stick around and see if anything happens! There was definitely interest there. I'm not letting her slip away so easy, she'd a good egg, but I'll not give her 100% attention anymore. I'll back off a wee bit.

 

The thirst for what would make me happy cannot and should not be sated. I know my worth and what I'm capable of, I'm as dark as my bro DoTW here, or at least I have been, perhaps once even darker. The difference being that he's acted upon it more often than I have. I worry about the consequences more, but I've had my moments of letting go, so much so that I know it'll do no-one any good if I follow my heart's desires.

So. I work for a charity organization. I do get paid for it, but not much. Dependency issues? My work does not make me feel important or needed. If I can be useful, it is good enough. Someone else might do the job better. Lack of self-confidence? Oh, I'm good at what I do, whatever that is. Good enough. I get the job done, but I do not have much ambition.

I know myself. If not for being extremely lucky I would not deserve to live. I have no worth. And you can get lucky only so many times. I'm not going to push my luck by living for myself. So I do charity work. Not to redeem myself, but to justify my existence in the eyes of those who might wish the likes of me dead and to keep me from doing something worse than I've already done. It's self-preservation in the end but no, it's not worth much. My purpose in life is to make sure that a little fewer people don't die when they don't have to.

This is definitely not attractive. It's almost amusing enough when women say that they'd really like to know me better, that I should loosen up and be more open. They might even demand that, since they see it clearly enough that I'm a little stiff, like I'm controlling myself too much. It's almost amusing since most of them get scared when I tell them why I do that. "Oh, so now you want to avoid me all of a sudden now that you know me better?" The tides turn pretty darn fast when they see a glimpse of what I am and what I really could be.

Where's that leave me concerning relationships? In between, I'm afraid. No nice girl'd like to have the kind of person I am. "Bad girls" aren't interested since I've been too lucky for them to be interested. I told the last woman who said that she'd like to know me better that "I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way. You don't get to know me." Not because I'd be this mystery wrapped up in an enigma. I know myself too damn well. I'll just make sure that they never will.

 

Wow, Iku-Turso, you must have done some serious stuff!

I was thinking about the whole "giving and charitable" issue this morning. Nothing is more annoying than someone who has decided to devote themselves to some do-gooder organization like Amnesty International. I dated a girl once when I was a teen who became the most sanctimonious pain in the posterior you could ever imagine, telling me I was unenlightened and racist and all sorts of other crap. Not attractive.

Also unattractive is the person who spends all their energy on "worthy" causes at home and neglects the person they have committed to. This is just as bad as neglect due to overwork. I value the working poor and believe they should be helped, but if my significant other consistently and repeatedly put her service work ahead of me and our relationship, I'd have a serious problem with that.

It reminds me of a line I read once in an article: "Everybody wants to help the poor, but nobody wants to help Mom with the dishes!"

 

Yeah, there's a lot of those commited types in charity work. This last cupid's arrow I managed to dodge was about exactly this type of activist girlie...In general those types get judgemental from so very little and that's pretty detrimental to relationships. One of the worst women of this type had the amazing ability to hate anyone wearing something else than hippie rags. Sheesh...

 

Shame about that Barmy. Something very similar happened to me last August so I can sympathise. Hopefully you'll either find out what changed, or better yet find another lass you like

 

Just to clarify. There's a difference between caring for others and allowing oneself to be abused. I would insist on not judging the people who overdo giving money to their children who ask, however. Those may well do it out of love rather than lack of backbone. Lack of backbone is not the same as being too giving for one's own good.

Neglecting people to whom one is committed should not normally happen. There may be causes more worthy than family duties, but I certainly wouldn't like to have a family with someone who never had time for me.

 

Ugh...other people's relationships...

First off, let me say that the wife and I are fine...it's *everyone* else in our lives that are having problems!

During our vacation, one of our friends (we'll call her Friend #1) came with us, but left her husband at home because they were having "issues". Then, on the last day of the trip, our other friends (Friend #2 and #3) broke up. Once we got home, Friend #1 told us she's getting a divorce and might need to crash at our place for a few days. Later on that night (1:30am no less), my mother-in-law called and said she needed a ride home from the casino she and her boyfriend were at because they were having problems...that casino was a 2 hour drive away. She ended up staying with us for 2 days. Then, 3 days later, another pair of friends started having problems, and are now apparently getting a divorce...and *she* might need to crash at our place for a bit.

What the hell is going on here?!?! Does the spring air cause people to split on their significant other?

While all this drama is going on, the wife and I are apparently running a free hostel our of our house. I'm about to rip the door off and put up a sign that says "Come in and stay awhile!"

 

Kitrax, they all just want some of that awesome kitrax lovin ! ! !

 

$50 a night & $500 an hour for the kitrax love machine

 

Eh Ziad, that girl I've spoken about. Looks like she might be interested again. She wants me to go to the flicks with her this week. May be a 'hole in the bottom of the popcorn pack' night! You can't stay away from the Barms for long hehe. I still don't understand women, but I'm not about to decline this. She's a legend! Haha, I saw her out dressed up as a pirate on Friday night, do you think she makes a convincing pirate? clickyLol (she doesn't smoke BTW, she brought that cigar out for me becuse she's recently been on holiday to Cuba and bought some cigars for me!)
Eh, she's a star I tell ya. Top notch lass.

 

GL, Barmy, work your charms. Arrr!

 

The wife might not like that one...

 

What she doesen't know can't piss her off.

 

split the profit 50/50 & she will be so busy shopping she won't have time to be made

 

Can't say I've ever heard that expression before. Regardless, good luck with her.

 

That reminds me of the old saying, "A ring can't plug a hole." I have no reason, intention, nor desire to resort to that. When you have a wife that goes with you to the strip clubs and buys a lap dance for her and for you...you don't have much desire to look elsewhere.

Besides that...you're forgetting one important thing. Apparently, women know everything, so she *would know*.