Relationship Rant Thread #5

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Saber, have an another echo here.

Dump the bitch, she'll do you nothing but harm from now on. If you really love her - just completely ignore her and close her outta your life. Much easier that way.

Long distance relationships are bad enough, long distance open relationships aren't.

 

Saber, listen to the collective wisdom of the boards.

I've never had a legitimate LDR but have been intimately aware of more than a few and, as a rule of thumb, they *never* work out. Also, from my experience, when a girl speaks of seeing other people she already has someone else in mind or is already seeing someone else.

Do not willingly compomise your well being, if you are not comfortable with an open relationship then do not participate in one, regardless of how much you like the girl.

Granted, when I was your age I would have completely ignored any advice offered and did what I was going to do anyway..even if I recognized that the advice was probably sound. I would have figured I was better off following my own rules than heeding advice. You'll probably learn more by trying to make it work and ignoring us.

Best of luck, either way.

 

I'm with the others on this: dump her. Frankly I find the kind of blackmailing she's using ("let me make out with everyone else or I'll dump you") very repulsive. 45 minutes is not a "long distance" - that's the time it takes me to uni, and I know people whose commute is twice that. If she's using this as an excuse for needing someone else than you're really better off without her. And you're better breaking up now rather than later, because you can be sure she will dump you at the earliest opportunity.

 

Blackmail... you've hit the nail straight on the head, Ziad.

 

Add another voice to the pile. Open relationship? What IS that? Open relationship imo is just a prettified way of saying "fu@k buddy". If thats what you're after (obviously not in this case) then thats fine. But imo in a relationship you're either in. or you're not. Ditch the *****.

 

Saber, +1 vote.

 

I know few couples who are in an open relationship (and have no problem discussing it with friends) so I won't try to generalise, but the couples I know of are quite happy together. The idea struck me as very bizzarre at first, and I don't think I'd be comfortable being in one or being the third party, but since they're all doing fine I've kinda got used to the idea (one couple in particular are very good friends of mine). However the unifying theme in these is that both wanted the open relationship and this is the main reason it's working for them (not my idea by the way; both of them openly admit to this). One person trying to force the open relationship on the other is not going to work, hence my calling it blackmailing earlier.

 

What Ziad said makes me say that the girl probably needs closeness all the time. She may have been badly abandoned in the past, rendering her so completely alone, but her behaviour at the moment is not normal. She is not in full control of herself. You will not likely be happy with her, Saber.

 

It takes me 40-60 minutes to get to my girlfriend's place and we only see each other on weekends, and it's never occurred to me that some people would consider it a long distance relationship.

An open relationship is something I would never consider with a person I cared about. Sounds too painful and the mere suggestion would indicate that she can't be what I want. If I didn't care about the person I still don't think I'd do it, but the mere idea would not make my guts churn.

 

I'll add my voice to the "Bad idea" pile on this one, Saber. I've been in LDR relationships, and open relationships. They only work when both parties want it, and are willing to put the work into it.

 

Woops, nearly lost my girl night before last. I was tired, mardy and in a bad mood and was a complete arse with her for no reason. Made her really upset and start crying and she hadn't done a thing wrong. I was really nasty, feel horrible. Gaffered though, made up with her. No idea why I did that, she's the best thing that's happened to me for ages, I'd be gutted if I lost her.

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I'm not sure I could handle that situation. Doesn't even a small part of you wonder what she's getting up to when you're not there? Only weekends is a long time to wait between visits. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

 

nothing wrong with only being able to see someone on weekends and living a 30mins (to over an hour with traffic!) drive away from them. that was basically what my relationship was half of my junior and my whole senior year in high school.

over here, its not called long-distance unless it takes a plane ride to get to her. or a REALLY long drive, one that can't be made every weekend and stuff.

 

I get cranky if I don't see my girlfriend for 1 day! I like to see her as much as I can every day, I feel better and more relaxed when I'm with her. It'd do my head in only being able to see each weekend, but I guess each to their own and everyone is different.

 

At least you had the courage to apologise and make up on the spot. Many would have left their anger carry them through the next day and would then have handwaved the whole thing as "I was upsert, forget it". We all snap at some point and sometimes take it out on the wrong person. If she forgives you without holding a grudge at all I'd say you are onto someone special. Good on you mate

It depends on how strong the mutual trust is. I was in such a situation for a short time. I had no problem with it but she was slightly jealous and possessive to begin with so the distance made it much worse. We managed to split up on amiable terms but the relationship hadn't been going on for long by then.

 

It all came from her going for a drink with one of her guy friends she's been best nmates with for years because he's going through a hard time and wanted someone to talk to. I honestly didn't care, but latched onto that as a reason to be really hurtful. She cut short her chat to come and see me, but I was being horrible to her, argument ensued, much tears. I proper went off on one. I still feel like utter crap about it.

She was really funny with me yesterday and I was really worried I'd too much damage. I did some serious grovelling and apologising though and we're back to normal now. We've only been going out about 2 months and that's the 2nd time I've done that to her lol (it's not the girl I spoke about last time by the way, she's out of picture). She's a good lass though and forgiven me, think I've sorted it . I'm really lucky to have her and will have to watch I don't do it again, I'd hate to lose her, still have no idea why I flew off on one... Idiot!

 

Well, allow me to be the exception to the rule. It sure as hell wasn't a piece of cake, but she and I managed to pull it off, and as a matter of fact, our relationship came out exponentially stronger through the experience.

It's NOT a walk in the park, but it can work out. If the two involved parties have enough self-discipline, trust in their partner, and are prepared to make the necessary efforts and sacrifices, that is.

I pulled it off thanks to ICQ (just goes to show it's been a long time) and a mic, and quality time dedicated exclusively to her whenever possible. In a way, I was lucky enough to be able to spend complete weekends with her twice a month, so this made things considerably easier.

Hard experience tells me a LDR is the ultimate test of a relationship on various levels - trust, self-discipline, commitment to the other person.

But that's just me.

 

There is always an exception<<<<<<<< ironically, if there was ever an absolute...this is it.

Good on ya for makin' it work DotW. Most couples are not so lucky as to have a successful go of it.

 

Like I said, LDR is the ultimate test of a relationship on many levels, and while many believe they have what it takes to make it through, truth is, not that many are actually able to walk the walk when it comes to making it work out.

I won't lie - I had moments when I felt I reached the bottom. I had moments of self-doubt ("Can I really pull it off?"), and doubt towards our relationship (is our love strong enough to live through this)... but I did not let those doubts get to my head, as doubt is one of the most powerful corrosive agents to dissolve a relationship to dust quicker than you say it.

I soldiered on. I took on hobbys to keep my mind occupied (though she was in my thoughts always), and I enjoyed every single second of quality time I possibly could with her, and bid my time while the time left before we could move in together was quietly ticking down.

Then the big day happened. I reaped the rewards of my patience, self-discipling and trust in her, and I can tell you, on that day, I truly reaped the jackpot. All the doubts, the hardships faded away in the blink of an eye.

The rest, they say, is a slice of history. Circumstances beyond my control put a screeching halt to an otherwise perfect relationship, but I can say this -- I regret nothing.

And one last note on LDR - I know a gal that definitively would be worth trying LD (if it ever comes to this, that is). She's accepted me the way I am (which is a rather rare occurence), and is one of the sweetest, caring, and most of all, bright gals I've had the pleasure of knowing in a very long time.

My point is, LD can work out, and in my case, I'm not afraid of it, as a matter of fact, I embrace it.

 

Split up with girlfriend in last few days.

Can't decide if I'm gutted or not. I suppose that means I'm not really. She's a nice girl, but a bit hard work. She was pretty though and had a (really) nice body, so was good to have on the arm. Bit weird as well, we split up on Thursday, she has been messaging me saying she misses me, keeps remembering the good times etc, saw her in a club last night, and she was never more than 3 feet away from me. So we had a chat and she said she wasn't fussed about getting back together 'yet'. 'Maybe later' she said. So I told her to stop trying to play me and clear off . She got upset. Oh well. I won't be a doormat.

Hope I can get a new one soon, I don't like being single these days.

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OK, my feelings were lying to me, I am GUTTED about losing my girl. She my girl man, don't want to lose her. Maybe it is because I am tired today (been out Thurs, Fri and Sat nights and day) but I feel like I really miss her. I want her to be here with me. I miss my girl and miss being able to get a kiss and a cuddle when I want. She is a great girl, I want her back :-(. I'm gonna try loads to get her back.

 

Ran into an ex-boyfriend at a party today (we are SCA clansibs, after all) and he's being an idiot again. I told him that he better not screw up this time, because I do not want to wind up on another three hour phone breakdown session with this girl if he does. I did that once already when he broke up with her last time.