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Words of advice

Discussion in 'Whatnots' started by Dice, Jan 12, 2009.

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  1. The Magister Gems: 26/31
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    Remove all ads!
    What we are is but a stepping stone to what we can become.


    /end Deus Ex reference.
     
    The Magister, Jan 17, 2009
    #21
  2. Ofelix

    Ofelix The world changes, we do not, what irony!

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    If you can't beat them join them, and then if you can't join them beat them!
     
    Ofelix, Jan 17, 2009
    #22
  3. Kitrax

    Kitrax Pantaloons are supposed to go where!?!?

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    Here's a few more:

    If it has an Adams Apple it’s probably a man...if you're still not sure, a man's ring finger is longer than his index finger...women are the exact opposite.

    A woman doesn't accidently get good in bed.

    If you say "I do..." make sure you’re the ugly one.

    Never fry bacon in the nude...

    Never spray water on a hornets’ nest...unless you can run really fast.

    Never threaten anyone wearing camouflage.

    If you've been married nine times...it's probably *you*
     
    Kitrax, Jan 17, 2009
    #23
  4. T2Bruno

    T2Bruno The only source of knowledge is experience Distinguished Member ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran New Server Contributor [2012] (for helping Sorcerer's Place lease a new, more powerful server!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Kitrax, you could have just posted the entire song....

    100 Things Every Man Needs To Know To Survive
    written by Tim Wilson

    I had a crazy uncle that was on his deathbed a long time ago, he said
    "Boy, there's a hundred thing in life that every man needs to know to
    survive,
    and here's thirty-nine of 'em:

    A virgin don't never drive a Z-28.
    Never bet the ranch on your prostate.
    If it's got an Adam's Apple it's probably a man.
    Never trust a gay Gypsy with the palm of your hand.
    She didn't accidentally get good in bed.
    You can't join the church if you're already dead.
    A work uniform ain't totally nude.
    Brim and bass ain't seafood.
    When there's guns in the house one better be yours.
    Don't be naked next to any fishin' lures.
    If a girl's got cookies she's a little too young.
    If you say "I do", be the ugly one.
    Don't ever let a bald man borrow your comb.
    Never play strip poker in a nursing home.
    Don't blame your pall bearers if they don't show,
    If you're buried in the middle of the Super Bowl.
    Let people borrow money, they'll leave you alone.
    Never fry bacon without a shirt on.
    Never spray water on a hornet's nest.
    A woman rarely aces the driver's test.
    The sign probably don't really mean "massage".
    Never threaten anybody in camouflage.
    Say you love her till she lays down the butcher knife.
    Never put your moves on the bosses wife.
    She's messin' round on you if your briefs don't fit.
    Never trust a hitchhiker to baby-sit.
    Cosmo's never in a happy home.
    You can't cut a deal with a kidney stone.
    A politician ain't got an HMO.
    "Washin' her hair" mean she don't want to go.
    Don't ridicule a biker 'bout his tattoo.
    You've been married nine times, Hell maybe it's you.
    Doom ain't the same as Donkey Kong.
    If he's wearin' high heels you might have raised him wrong.
    The clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates.
    Don't rent a room from a man named Bates.
    A tank top's never on a billionaire.
    Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there.
    How many get to Heaven no one knows,
    But Hell will be asses and elbows.

    And then he died,, crazy fool rolled over and died.
    and never did tell me what those other 61 things were.
    So if anyone knows, please let me know.
     
    T2Bruno, Jan 17, 2009
    #24
  5. Splunge

    Splunge Bhaal’s financial advisor Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Hey! I'm in charge of the Steven Wright quotes!

    :p

    @T2 - I love poetry. :D
     
    Splunge, Jan 17, 2009
    #25
  6. Gnarfflinger

    Gnarfflinger Wiseguy in Training

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    I knew I heard it somewhere, but wouldn't have guessed Steven Wright...
     
    Gnarfflinger, Jan 18, 2009
    #26
  7. Kitrax

    Kitrax Pantaloons are supposed to go where!?!?

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    I could have, but I decided to select the few that I liked the best...and then I tried to de-redneck them... :p
     
    Kitrax, Jan 18, 2009
    #27

  8. LKD Gems: 31/31
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    That one's kinda funny, Silvery, because it is in direct contravention to what my mother always told me:

    "Children should be seen and not heard"

    which was often followed by a piece of advice that was more of a warning, really:

    "Knock it off or I'll smack you so hard you won't wake up for a month of Sundays!" Which is rather poetic when you think about it.
     
    LKD, Jan 19, 2009
    #28
  9. Harbourboy

    Harbourboy Take thy form from off my door! Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Nice one, Rotku.

    My advice is not to waste your life posting on internet message boards expecting to get useful advice on how to make best use of your life.
     
    Harbourboy, Jan 19, 2009
    #29
    Montresor likes this.
  10. Silvery

    Silvery I won't pretend to be your friend coz I'm just not ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran

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    Well, aren't you just Mr. Positive bunny?

    If what you're about to say isn't a useful contribution, shut your face
     
    Silvery, Jan 19, 2009
    #30
  11. Montresor

    Montresor Mostly Harmless Staff Member ★ SPS Account Holder

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    My advice is to always see the glass as half full, not half empty. Take some advice from Monty Python:

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2015
    Montresor, Jan 19, 2009
    #31
  12. Kitrax

    Kitrax Pantaloons are supposed to go where!?!?

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    Says the one with over 12,000 posts. :p :shake:
     
    Kitrax, Jan 19, 2009
    #32
  13. Loreseeker

    Loreseeker A believer in knowledge Veteran

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    Life wise:
    Don't postpone stuff - it tends to pile up.
    Truth always simplifies matters.
    Everything is better with ice cream. :p

    Test wise:
    When in doubt, the first answer that crosses your mind is likely the correct one.
     
    Loreseeker, Jan 19, 2009
    #33
  14. T2Bruno

    T2Bruno The only source of knowledge is experience Distinguished Member ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran New Server Contributor [2012] (for helping Sorcerer's Place lease a new, more powerful server!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Then there was my step-father's advice about going blind ... but I think he was wrong. :D
     
    T2Bruno, Jan 19, 2009
    #34
  15. Splunge

    Splunge Bhaal’s financial advisor Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Oh, I'm not so sure about that. I'm nearsighted. :D
     
    Splunge, Jan 19, 2009
    #35
  16. Dice

    Dice ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran

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    Good advice HB ... Fortunately I wasn't looking for GOOD advice. I just thought the topic would be entertaining :D. Not that I don't appreciate good advice when I see it ;).

    @ Splunge : *gives him a bottle of NAIR for his hands*
     
    Dice, Jan 19, 2009
    #36
  17. Nakia

    Nakia The night is mine Distinguished Member ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) BoM XenForo Migration Contributor [2015] (for helping support the migration to new forum software!)

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    Sorry, Harbourboy, this I can't resist.

    So speaks the guy who joined one month before me and has close to 3 times as many posts. :lol: Guess you just posted for fun or you have a very boring job.

    As a chronic procrastinator my advice is: Don't do today what you can put off until tomorrow.
     
    Nakia, Jan 20, 2009
    #37

  18. martaug Gems: 23/31
    Latest gem: Black Opal

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    That or he sleeps as little as a ferret on meth:D

    (edit) just noticed he joined 8 months AFTER me & has almost 10 TIMES the number of posts as me!!
     
    martaug, Jan 20, 2009
    #38
  19. Harbourboy

    Harbourboy Take thy form from off my door! Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    I'm speaking from experience. Learn from my mistakes. I've wasted my life :cry::cry::cry:
     
    Harbourboy, Jan 20, 2009
    #39
  20. Barmy Army

    Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Adored Veteran

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    Oooh, how did martaug get the Idiot of the Week plaque?

    I can't believe I've never got that. Must. Try. Harder.

    ---------- Added 0 hours, 1 minutes and 27 seconds later... ----------

    Well said. I live my life by this advice!
     
    Barmy Army, Jan 20, 2009
    #40
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