Stranger Danger?

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Situation 1:
You've just gotten off the train at about 1pm, and a ~16 year old girl in a private school uniform politely asks you for a lift home. If you don't, she'll be walking for probably about an hour (taking very little time by car). The area isn't super-dangerous, but it's not exactly squeaky clean either. It's out of your way but not by very far.

1. Yes, I'd drive her home (and have been in a comparable situation and have done this).
2. Yes, I'd drive her home (and have not been in a comparable situation).
3. No, I'd not drive her home (and have been in a comparable situation and have done this).
4. No, I'd not drive her home (and have not been in a comparable situation).

Situation 2:
You've just gotten off the last train at about midnight, and a 20-something year old beefy (that's strong, not fat) black man politely asks you for a lift home. He has an unusual accent and is wearing work clothes. Same situation as above - about an hours walk and about 5-10 minutes by car (as it turns out, they live basically in the same street).

1. Yes, I'd drive him home (and have been in a comparable situation and have done this).
2. Yes, I'd drive him home (and have not been in a comparable situation).
3. No, I'd not drive him home (and have been in a comparable situation and have done this).
4. No, I'd not drive him home (and have not been in a comparable situation).


While these situations might seem to be an artifically polarised hypothetical, they both actually happened to me. I've been wondering for a while now how other people would react.

(Edit: Ideally this would be a poll, but the new polling stuff is crazy-unintuitive, has tight character limits, and can't be edited in after posting (despite posting the OP before letting you add the poll options?!). So uh ... yeah.)

 

How's this for an answer:

Usually if that happens, I try to talk them over it, but my seemingly harmless demeanour makes me unoffencive enough that they never try anything.

If they're stupid enough and try hard enough, they'll learn to regret it soon enough. Lower their defences, strike when they least expect. In a given situation, I don't care about getting even, it's about teaching a lesson. If they're in a need of a lesson, they'll get it.

 

Waitwaitwait - you're going to beat the **** out of a 16 year old girl because she asked you for a lift?

 

Yup. If they're asking for it. (posted my answer before the question was even asked, and that's what you get)

 

Scenario 1: #1 -- I'd probably give her a lift. If she's in school she probably doesn't have the money for a cab. The other option is to allow her to use my phone to call home for a ride (which is probably the better option). A 16-yo girl walking home alone is simply a target and leaving her is akin to aiding anyone who attacks her. She also represents very little physical threat (although she could be packing a gun); however, if she was wanting to cause you trouble it could get messy.

Scenario 1: #3 -- he's a big strong guy, he can handle it. He's working and can afford a cab if he needs one. There are extinuating circumstances though; if he was injured or there have been assaults against minorities in the area I would give him a ride, but otherwise there is very little danger to him as compared to the girl. He represents a significant threat if he is actually a criminal trying to get you to drop your defenses.

 

Never been asked by a stranger for a ride, so I'm not sure how I'd react. I would generally feel disinclined to give anyone a ride though. With the black guy, I'd be concerned for my safety, and with the girl, I'd be concerned that she'd accuse me of trying something with her in the car, and frankly I don't need either of those headaches. I'm inclined to say option 4 for both.

 

I'm more inclined to option 2 for both myself, though I'd give that girl something of a talking to about asking strangers for help.

Generally, I'm generous and, while I'm neither nieve nor overconfident (in myself or anything else), I'm still one to offer help when it's asked of me.

Plus, I don't usually carry my cell with me. I need to get into the habit of doing that.

Also, actual data says that you're FAR more likely to be attacked, raped, or murdered by someone you know than by a complete stranger.

 

I might be willing to call a cab for someone, but given the incendiary nature of the other options, I wouldn't do 1 or 2. Too much chance of the girl crying false rape, or the big guy avenging himself on me for something "society" has done to hurt him. I don't care if the fellow is black or white, it's not a race issue, it's the fact that the world is full of some pretty bad people and I have every right to take reasonable steps (as in not giving rides to strangers) to protect myself from possible harm. Paranoid? You betcha. But I'd bet that most cops would advise against giving strangers rides. So, after all that yapping,

4, final answer.

 

4 for both. It's a terrible idea, from both my point of view and theirs. I'd try to explain that to them, being chummy with the dude and giving the schoolgirl a bit of a scolding. Although I won't be following Iku's idea of trying to beat her up. She'd probably kick my ass .

This might be an issue for the 'comparative crime rates' thread but I really don't see the big deal with refusing the schoolgirl the lift. It's hard to imagine her not being fine at one o'clock in the day. I'd just feel a bit mean for making her walk.

 

Scenario 1: 4. Unless i was still 17, then i would get her number.

Scenario 2: 3. Never allow yourself to be alone with a stranger who could over-power/manhandle you... Think of your family and the agony of waiting months to find your body... not something i would even remotely consider. As a matter of fact, i would not even acknowledge the request and keep on walking... also i take pride in the fact that i would NEVER be in the situation where i need a ride from a stranger and have little respect for someone who would allow themselves to be in that situation.

 

The 16 year old gets a ride (and yes, I've done this before) and the 20 year old probably will, too. I'd be more cautious with the guy, though, and if I didn't feel I could trust him (unlikely -- I live in Iowa, for the love of God, and I have yet to be overly punished for doing a good deed), I'd probably offer to pay for his cab. Every time I've been in such a situation -- and living in a college town, it happens often -- I've given the ride.

That said, I once had a very drunk man I've never met before knock on my apartment door and ask if he could crash there. I didn't let him in, but I did offer to take him to the hospital (yes, he was that drunk).

 

You see, my issue is that I would like to give the 16-year old girl a ride, but I would rather not have to appear in court to face statutory rape charges.

I would also like to give the guy a ride, I would rather not be robbed at gun point in my own freaking vehicle...

 

T2 pretty much summed up my feelings.

 

A risk I am willing to take, quite frankly. Without a "deposit" of some sort, charges like that would never "stick". I'm in just as much danger driving my son's baby-sitter home, and I don't worry about that, either.

True enough, but the real risks of such a thing are fairly remote. Pushover that I am, I've given rides to a lot of perfect strangers. Sure, there is a possibility of getting robbed, but I'm not going to live my life worrying about that...but even I have my limits. I'm not fool enough to pick up hitchhikers on the side of the road, for example.

 

Drew, why do you have no problem giving a total stranger a ride but will not take hitchhikers? Aren't both cases the same thing? (the hitchhiker is also a total stranger and is, in a way, asking for a lift)

 

Because the total stranger in the first instance is someone with whom I have a chance to build a rapport and some level of trust before we get anywhere near my car and before I agree to give him a ride. If something doesn't feel right, I'm not obligated to give him the ride -- and I wouldn't. On the other hand, I won't know a damn thing about the guy on the side of the road, and by the time I do, he'll already be in my car -- too late to back out at that point if something's awry.

 

Hmm - I only noticed the time differences in the scenarios in Aik's original post on my second reading. So there's really two separate factors to consider for each scenario: time, and person. I haven't been in either situation before, since I don't have a car. But, 2 for both, I think.

#1: the girl is unlikely to be a threat. The time means she could probably walk home by herself with harassment, but I might as well give her a favour if it's not out of my way.
#2: the guy is more likely to be a threat, and could beat the crap out of me if he had his mind set on it. But it's midnight, so there's a chance HE could get mugged if I don't give him a ride. I'd be more cautious, but I suppose I'd give him a ride too.

In a more realistic situation I'd decide according to their demeanors too, in other words, whether or not they look suspicious. Yes, it's arbitrary and probably unfair, but hardly unreasonable.

Out of curiosity, Aik, what was your response, and did you get her number?

 

In both cases I would probably give them the ride, and have been in similar (if not exactly the same) situations before. About a 1/10 of the time I drive to our student rec center, a complete stranger will ask me for a ride home. And though this doesn't involve 16 year old schoolgirls, it involves 18 year old sorrostitutes. Also on a couple occasions I have given rides to large athletic black men (one was a football player, another I have no clue) who I didn't know.

Basically, I'm with Drew, when someone asks for a ride you can talk to them a bit and get a feel for their character. If something seems wrong, just decline, otherwise you're usually safe.

 

It would depend on the vibes I got off them but I would be more likely to give the guy a lift than the girl. I much rather risk getting beat up and robbed than any kind of sexual abuse charge and a situation like that would set off every warning bell I have.

 

I don't even have a car let alone a driver's licence, so I don't actually have to worry about giving anyone a ride in my car...