Stranger Danger?

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Been in similar situations many times, at closing.

answer to both, no bloody way.

when dealing with a young person, I have no problem with flagging down or ringing for the Police to take them home - thats their job, not mine.

 

I'd probably give both of them a ride, so a cautious 2 for me in both situations, since I really can't be sure. (What could have gone wrong would probably hit me some time later...)

Like others mentioned, it would depend on the situation - if the person seemed decent and polite and I felt everything was alright, I'd do it. If not, I'd probably refuse, regardless who the person is.

I would probably be more cautious in the 2nd situation, merely because the person asking is male and a female choosing to agree to give a ride home to any unfamiliar man would be regarded as acting unwise by people I know. Such action would probably be border-line unacceptable, tbh. I don't really disagree with that view, tbh.

Still, while it is rather naive, I tend to believe that if one can help out someone, there is nothing wrong in doing it.

However since I don't drive, thankfully I won't get to make such decisions in RL. I'm awkward around crowds and unknown people enough as it is.

(Actually, I've had a few one hour walks home from faculty at the end of a 10-12 hour day there, when some streets were blocked, trolleys out and such, and those were not fun. While I'd never ask someone for a ride in a situation like that, I can understand it somewhat. Saving someone the trouble of a such walk would, in my book, be worth some risk, especially in a rather decent neighbourhood or a familiar one.)

Also, I second DM: What did you pick, Aik?

 

Only time something remotely similar happened to me was when some young man was asking everyone at a gas station for a ride...across the street. That was weird. So no way in hell did I give him the ride.

 

It's funny how over half the responders here mention the risk of rape accusations, for giving a girl a lift. Maybe that's a serious risk in the States, but I can't imagine being successfully charged for rape, with no evidence whatsoever. The girl would have to be a great actress to make it through the psychological scrutiny she would face. It wouldn't cross my mind as a serious danger if a girl asked me for a lift. Not that I own a car, so maybe it's for the best.

So I'm trying to imagine owning a car, and this hypothetical taking place...
I deliberately don't carry much cash on me, so the worst that could happen, is that I'm robbed of my passport, creditcard, mobile phone, and whatever they could take out of my hypothetical car.

I'm not sure what I'd choose at the time, I respond quite randomly to such events. It depends on my mood, and perhaps what my instincts tell me. I'd give the person a good critical look, and let my gut react. I can be very polite and obliging, but cold and dismissive if I smell a rat.

Maybe not the right moment for an anecdote, but this describes perfectly what I mean: I was unwittingly subjected to a behaviour test in university, as were all the people in the cafetaria. Testers would leave their used plates outside, and watch people's reactions. Some ignored the plates, others took them in, and others even added their own plates to the mess.
My behaviour was random, and couldn't be categorized. I'd ignore plates of friends, but later take in plates of total strangers. It's random, perhaps mood-dependant.

 

Maybe its not rape accusations from the girl that people are worried about, but more how others may percieve it.

 

Coin, whether a court would actually convict you for the imaginary rape or not is irrelevent. Society and most people around would. When it comes to rape and sexual abuse the mere accusation is enough to destroy someones life.

 

Interesting responses. I gave both of them a ride.

The girl (IIRC her name was Amber, or Amanda, or something like that) had been expecting her father to pick her up but he rang her at the last moment and told her he couldn't. She assured me that she didn't normally get in cars with strangers and we complained about the state of public transport.

The guy was very interesting to talk to. He'd come to Australia from Zimbabwe to study, but due to a collapsing situation back home he was working full time at McDonalds so he could send money back to support his family. He was hoping to go to uni soon though.

I really like the optimistic view of things sometimes - that things will normally turn out well and if they don't you can deal with it then, rather than closing off options because something bad might happen. Sure, the girl might be packing a gun (what kind of godawful place do you live in to have that seriously come to mind? ), but in most cases you can work on the assumption that people aren't trying to harm you, right?

The 'take no chances because people are out to get you' school of thought is a shame, really. It's been hammered into our heads since primary school that strangers are bad people and it's a bit sad that we feel we can't do nice things for each other out of fear that the other person wants to kill us and take out stuff (or say you raped them for the lulz? ).

I'm a bit surprised about people expecting that a schoolgirl will cry rape for no reason at all. I'm sure it's happened - I've seen articles about it (only the bad things are ever reported on, of course). But don't you think it's a little bit too cynical to think that teenage girls everywhere are on the lookout to dick over helpful strangers?

 

Probably not but it would be something that could completely and totally wreck my entire life and which might make my friends and family turn their back on me. There are a lot of screwed up young women out there, probably as many as there are screwed up young men.

The girl poses a bigger potential danger to me than the guy, the absolute worst the man could do would be to kill me and it could be something I was willing to risk if he seemed nice enough but risking be labelled as a rapist is not something I am very keen on.

 

It comes down to whether you would rather have fear and protection run your life or kindness and risk. You see, realistically, you have to consider both at all times, and anyone that doesn't is mentally deficient, but this is the kind of situation that can really crystalize the balance between the two. How much risk are you willing to take, and for what purposes. For me, such risks seem pretty small, and the purpose of helping my fellow man (or woman), even if they're a stranger, is pretty big. For others, the risk may seem too big and the purpose too small.

 

Interesting topic.

The Girl:
I would probably not give the girl a ride. It might not be squeaky clean area, but it's 1 PM, nothing's gonna happen to her. Ok, she might get hit by a car, hit by lightning or mauled by an escaped panther from the zoo, but that's just bad luck. No malevolent actions will be taken against her in the middle of the afternoon. And besides, it's only an 1 hour walk, that isn't very far. No 16 year old is gonna have trouble with walking an hour. So, assuming it isn't raining or something, I will probably let her walk, even if she asked politely. If it is raining I'm much more inclined to give her a lift if she asks politely, but I have no trouble letting her walk through the pouring rain if she doesn't seem nice and polite. I'm not worried that she might cry rape; who the hell does that?

The Guy:
Again, most likely: no. The chance of anything happening to him is much smaller than something happening to me in this situation. Big, black people seem to be able to handle themselves in the street, while I'm just a small white guy. But it isn't because he is black, I would most likely let any guy stand there in the middle of the night. But, not having been in such a situation before, I guess it will also depend on my impression of the guy. If he is a bit like me, I might give him a lift, because I wouldn't feel really comfortable walking home if I were in his situation. But I'd still rather walk than get in the car with a stranger.

 

If I wanted to give strangers a ride, I'd have become a taxi driver

 

Very true. By my motto is: If your friends have so little trust in you, then you've got too many of the wrong friends. Thankfully, my small social network has been painstakingly contructed of people who either:
1) Know me very well, and wouldn't believe such nonsense. These are close friends and closest family.
2) Know me casually, and I keep them at a safe distance, so as to not be exposed to any hypocrisy or judgementalism. Like people at my karate class, and certain family. I would be indifferent towards their opinions, even if they heard the rumours.
3) Know of me, but I don't consider them more than acquaintances. These are people like colleagues and neighbours. Again, I don't care what they think of me.
1), 2) ans 3) are isolated, so opinions and rumours can't be spread quickly.

It also has to do with confidence, and what you may stand to lose.
Due to the nature of my social network, it is robust enough to not be damaged by accusations like false rape. If your social network is more expanded, and vulnerable to rumours, then this is both your strength and your weakness.

It boils down to caution and fear, and where you draw the line. What do you estimate the chances and potential risks to be? I personally think rape accusations are so unlikely, that it's not worth altering my behaviour for. Everyone is a part of society, and if you choose to be paranoid, then you will breed it in others.

 

It's not just about friends. An Indictment like that -- baseless or not -- can cost you your job. I have a friend who was forced to change professions because her rebellious teenage daughter decided to cry child abuse after being grounded for cutting school again. Her daughter ultimately admitted she was lying and the case was ultimately thrown out, but by then her nursing license had already been taken away -- and even after the charges were thrown out, the powers that be refused to re-instate it.

That's just one example. Getting into legal trouble is one of the most sure-fire ways to lose your job or to stop you from getting one in the first place that I can think of. After the charges are thrown out, the problem is usually lessened somewhat, but indictments, investigations and trials have a tendency to drag out for quite some time.

The bottom line is that the expressed fears are valid. They are also, however, remote.

 

Or a hooker.

 

Hey wait, can't you take the girl who cried false rape to court in turn? What's stopping you from claiming damages? What's the legal term? Smear, libel, slander? If the consequences can be pretty much proven, she'll be working off her debt to you for a very long time.

 

Not really. Having a case thrown out due to lack of evidence is not the same thing as being innocent of any wrongdoing. Yes, yes, yes, if there's a "smoking gun" proving that she knowingly accused you of a crime you did not commit (as opposed to, say, a faulty eyewitness identification), there might be a case, but you can only get so much money out of a private citizen. If you're lucky enough to have a wealthy woman like Oprah Winfrey falsely accuse you of rape -- and leave enough evidence behind for you to prove it -- you'll have it made, but Linda, that nice lady that works at the coffee shop down the street? You aren't getting ****.

 

Got to go with Drew on the girl issue. I would probably offer to get her a cab but no way in heck am i gonna be alone in a car with a 16 year-old girl. Man they put you under the jail for that.
Now the guy i would give a ride to, simply because i have been in a similar situation & been refused a ride because i am a big beefy white guy. I just give off the wrong vibes at times(without meaning too).

[You mean the right vibes? -Tal]

 

You're half going with me. While I acknowledge the risk and respect that others would be too nervous to offer a ride in such a situation, I consider the possibility of such a thing actually happening entirely too remote to worry about. I'd give her the ride. The guy, too.

 

Bad Tal Bad!

 

I agree that the chances of the girl crying false rape or the guy attempting to rob me in my car are both pretty small, both about the same chance of happening, and both very real. That's not a chance that I'm willing to take in either case.

In the case of the guy robbing you in your car. I mean, can there be anything that would make you feel more dumb? You'd look back on it, and say, I gave a ride to a hulking bruiser of a guy, who was a complete stranger in the middle of the night. What the hell was I thinking? I almost deserved to be robbed!

In the case of a girl, I'd probably lose my job, which is way worse than getting robbed of my cash and credit cards. I typically don't carry more than about $100 cash on me, and I can cancel my credit cards within minutes of getting home, so I'd much rather be rightfully robbed than wrongfully accused of rape. And if you counter sue the girl, nothing's going to happen to make the situation OK. You're still out of a job, and chances are, her liability to you is going to minimal, because she was a minor at the time she committed the offense.