Drunk and disorderly conduct

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Human, noun : A mamal biped with amazing adaptibility who thinks himself superior to all other life.

Alcohol, noun : Liquid produced that tastes mostly good and has the ability to affect reasoning.

A drunk, noun : A mamal biped with amazing clumsiness who thinks himself superior (in regards of physical looks, courage, intellect, strenght and agility) to all other biped mamals.

Ah, being drunk... What a shameful yet so amusing situation to be in!

What are your "war" stories with alcohol? What are the most embarrassing, funny or just plain wierd things you have done "under the influence"?

 

26 years and 9 months ago, I met this chick in Quebec...


[Very funny . . . but somehow I think a 3 year old DR would have, ah, certain problems in that area . . . - dmc]

 

hahaha, good one!

Can you imagine the 3 year old kid going into a bar and asking for a double whiskey and starting to smile at all the ladies?

 

Absolutely ridiculous. I didn't start ordering double whiskeys until I was 4.

 

At Penn State, I woke up on a steam grate, with some girl i didn't know. We had nothing but a blanket covering us. Funny thing is , I woke up because the Dean of Student Affairs was nudging me with his foot. It was a Wednesday morning in January. I literally was freezing my n**s off! When i reflect back on it, it certainly was the Mad Dog we were drinking that got me there.

Those were the days....

 

I've posted a few in various places on the boards. I have too many to detail...

To paraphrase a few:

1. Parasailing is a quick way to sober up.
2. South Korean prostitutes don't like practical jokes.
3. Power tools and alcohol are a bad idea.
4. When you get in the car to party with people you just met try to remember the direction back.
5. If you're riding in a car to get to another party you're probably going to walking a long time.
6. When you're the last person at the party with the woman who lives there chances are she wants something other than to drive you back. Think carefully if you're not sure where you are before you turn down any proposition.
7. Some people do not have a sense of humor when drunk.
8. I have rarely met a police officer who had a sense of humor when I was drunk.
9. Don't say "God, I have to piss like a race horse" to a police officer when you are drunk.
10. Don't piss on a police car when you are drunk.

 

T2 wins. This thread is young, but whatever - T2 wins. That was awesome.

 

T2 - Did you pee on his car or just his tire? I had a cop actually let me pee on his tire on a highway, while intoxicated. He also let me get a ride home with someone else. That will never happen again, these days.

 

Blades and T2 : You actually pissed on policecars? And you are still alive??

I can also tell you from experience that closets are not as confortable to sleep in as you might think when you're drunk. And when you go to a university class under the influence, your class notes might not make a whole lot of sense afterwards when you're sober.

That reminds me a story of a friend of mine. He and his friend went to a university class wasted (and they were drinking out of their sports bottle while in class). At the break, they went to the washroom. As they're talking about how drunk they were, a stall door opens and the teacher walks out. Akwards times....

 

Yeah, well in my case, the State Trooper was formerly my uncle/godparents partner in a different region. A little name dropping goes a long way....

So, the lesson for the day is, always try to drop a name when pulled-over and intoxicated. It can't hurt.

 

This wasn't me but I had a friend who when we were in Greece decided it would be a good idea to climb on top of the hood of a police car and jump on it. Thankfully there were no officer nearby and we managed to pull my friend down and drag him away.

 

Ok... if you don't know me then mine isn't much, but if you did... well it's a little funnier then.

Basically it was my roommates birthday party and his girlfriend and a few friends had come over to celebrate. I went to watch Slumdog Millionaire, and I missed the opening, so by the time I got back they decided I needed to have 3 double shots to catch up (in relatively quick succession). Now, I am a semi-lightweight, and though these didin't hit immediately... about an hour and a half later and still not sure how many shots I was completely out of it. Throw in the fact that it was just straight shots followed by biting a sugared-lemon... and there was NOTHING in my stomach except vodka (skyy, IIRC). At somepoint a couple people had decided that I had enough and picked me up to carry me to my bed (I was calling people b****** not a usual for me). As they were carrying me I got another shot from my roommate and that's that... I didn't really remember.

The next day I woke up, got up and still hadn't felt my hangover (still drunk) and started to make breakfast when someone pointed out vomit all over my shirt... strange. I walked intio my room and I had pretty much slept in a pool of vomit. Just a bit later one of the guys who drank with us walked in and had a black eye. Naturally I asked what happened and he said I did it.

Apparently, he and the other guy carrying me to my bed had told me that they were "gonna rape me in my tight white butt-hole" and I believed them, was absolutely terrified (remember that now), and decked the guy in the face. That is still the only time I've ever punched somebody in the face.

Another fun note is that all three cameras and every phone at that little birthday party had pictures of my roommates girlfriend pantsless trying to walk outside to the neighbours... I guess the rest of us were just all in the room watching her walk around mostly naked and completely trashed and decided to take pictures

 

joacqin, when someone starts a story with "It wasn't me, it was a friend of mine", the storyteller is the real culprit... lol

Boy, I guess the guy never saw that coming! Was he really pissed afterwards?

I'm assuming she had her underwear on, but still, isn't that the moment when the boyfriend should step in and put her pants back on? And that's friendship for you when you see your friend's girl walking around outside in her underwear and all you do is take picture... See, I would have taken a video...

 

I once got on a bus when I was drunk, tried to convince the bus driver to drive me to my house then realised that not only did the driver not know where I lived, neither did I! After getting off the bus I had to ring my mother because I couldn;t remember my address so she came to find me. She eventually found me lying in a bush telling a cat that I loved it

 

I'm afraid that I don't have anything nearly as interesting as some of those posted.

You lightweight.

Outside my flat at halls in my first year of uni, we all got a good laugh at a couple of girls heading back after a night out. One of them had toppled over and fallen into a bush (probably quite easy when you mix alcohol and heels, I guess) and was demanding her friend pull her out. Her friend, upon noticing the splayed legs and 'askew' dress-like outfit, immediately whipped out her camera-phone and started taking pictures while loudly shrieking with laughter. Certainly lived our quiet night up.

Actually, now that I think about it, the girl might just have been someone walking in the same direction rather than a friend.

 

That statement would be a lot funnier if you were a guy.

EDIT: For example, I've gotten drunk and found myself face down in a bush before...

 

I have a couple.

I went with my girlfriend to her sister's wedding. We stayed in a very nice old country house, about a hundred people were there, many that I'd never met before so I had to make a good impression.

Being one of the brides maids my girlfriend kept on coming and going out the room whilst I got ready. However, being the hawk that I am, I noticed that she had a glass of champagne in her hand which to me looked like it was kept being refilled. Not one to be out done I poured myself a glass of wine, carefully noting how much my girlfriend was drinking.
Ofcourse I never actuall saw her drink it, I just assumed she was.

A bottle of wine later and I was pretty hammered. It was 12:30pm, the middle of the day and it turns out my girlfriend was taking sips and then people kept refilling. So she hadn't drank at all.

To cut a long story short I was the only one laughing through the ceremony, commenting on the wedding dress and having to get up to go to the toilet every 15 minutes.

Her entire family were decidely unimpressed.

Good day...


My other occassion was a few years earlier. I was at a party and it was common knowledge a particular girl fancied me. I however didn't feel the same. When I started to pass out on the trampoline she saw this as her golden opportunity to show me her affections by clamping her mouth around mine. even in this state sub consciously I was still unimpressed and threw up in her mouth. She then proceeded to throw up and pretty soon started a chain reactions of teenagers vomiting.

 

She must have been very patient Aldeth.

 

Aldeth, what did you say to her? Or were you to tongue-tied to say anything....