Antidepressant meds and you...

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Except that directed positive change is hard, especially for people that aren't good at introspection.

 

@Kit: Hey, if there was an option of joining in again, I'd probably enlist. Or maybe not, since it's highly unlikely that the training'd be any better...personally, I found it to be rubbish, the inefficiency of the draft system was as apparent as it is wasteful. Big time motivational problems, which are at least a partial cause, and with some poor bstards cases a direct cause, to some easily preventable fatalities annually.

And no, it's not cheating. Well, it might be, but if the system's bull, I find it justifiable, and reasonable enough to find the loopholes, bend the rules if it comes to that, and play the game to get a favourable outcome for oneself...

 

Heh...sounds *exactly* like me just a few years ago. I used to be very harsh towards people with depression. I'd tell them, "It's all in your head...suck it up and quit b*tching!"

Funny when the table turns. You have a whole new outlook on life.



Oh, and Karma is a b*tch...So shut it!

 

I have always taken that as a cop out. Anyone whining that they can't do what they need to do needs to grow a pair. And grow up.

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Well Kit, in the end, you won't be happy until you do the things that you KNOW you need to do to be happy(ier). Why complain about them to a therapist? Why waste the money? And your time? Deep down, you know what your problems are, you just got to step up and fix them. You seem more than intelligent enough to figure that out on your own. We all are capable of fixing our own issues, without meds or guidance. It's all about finding the courage to do so. I sure hope you find yours, you will be much happier when you do. I found mine when I decided to get married. I'm ten times the man I use to be. I hope it reflects in my kids, but only time will tell.

 

Sorry, but I disagree with this:

I think it's true for most people, even for a significant portion being treated by psychiatrists, but not all.

 

Sorry T2, I should of said "All of us normal people". If you truly need meds, you really do have issues. I just don't see someone who has insights and good humor like Kit to be that depressed that he needs meds. IMO. It's a shame that there are so many of us on them that really don't need them.

 

You're forgetting the only contact you have with people on here is a typed medium which can be changed, misinterpreted and monitored by the poster and reader.

Anyone can type that they are cheerful.

 

I once thought as you did, Blades -- people with "depression" needed to just shut it, get over it, and quit whining.

However, many stressors actually end up throwing the mind out of balance, and people honestly can't see HOW to do that. Meds can help, so can therapy. Once that has occurred for a while, most therapists with whom I am familiar will basically say "you have been given the tools and a boost, so now you must make the final steps on your own -- shut it, get over it, and quit whining. But such a hard core tactic should only be done after help has been awarded.

I also used to say that "200 years ago, people didn't go whining to 'experts' about their problems -- they dealt with them." But I don't believe that anymore -- I think a lot of people talked to pastors, family, and friends.

 

8, I see these discussions as generalizations, meaning I'm not just referring to people here on the boards, but many people I know as well in the real world. I understand where your coming from though. I used Kit as an example. He could be depressed, but I haven't interpreted his comments that way when discussing topics other than this one. He's pretty damn funny most of the time.

 

Even offline a lot of people feel shame for feeling depressed and will hide it. The feeling of failure alongside reactions of people saying they should just snap out of it or being mocked for what is a health condition can lead to internalising feelings and keeping up a mask. Which in itself can be destructive.

Those that need help should have it available to them, but I do not agree with those who simply either fake it for attention or use it as an excuse to get away with things or be fawned over.

Depression is commonly caused from chemical imbalance (often with a genetic tendancy) or trauma. I don't mean 'something bad' I mean something traumatising. You don't get depressed because some boy you had a crush on dumped you for a prettier girl. You don't get depression because you really wanted an A on that last exam. You don't get depression because it's just easier to be sad all the time - that's just a miserable jerk who DOES need to snap out of it.

People with depression CAN pull themselves together as well. As harsh as this may come across, I get sick of people who have depression who will refuse to even try and compose themselves. There are days where you just want to sit and cry, there are days when you don't have the will to even open the curtains or brush your hair but you CAN force yourself to. If you actually try and pull yourself together and find a reason. I have said some exceptionally cruel things to a woman I know who has depression because she had a crying fit at work (which in itself, is not surprising) but she used it as an excuse to get a long break. She then insisted on her normal breaks and lunch break as if nothing had happened. She said she couldn't pull herself together but - oh! Miraculously she's fine and fixed her makeup in time for attractive guy who comes by for a coffee at the same time every day. Funny she couldn't manage it five minutes earlier

 

Blades, you need to shut up now. You have no idea what you're talking about. When you know what it's like to break down in tears because the website is loading slowly, to find that getting out of bed in the morning is more mental effort than running a marathon is for others, or to nearly fall asleep making lunch (after 10 hours sleep the night before), you can talk.

In short, it's easy to say things like that when you're 'master' of your own mind (though, really, few if any of us are). It's another thing all together when you realize that your mind has turned against you.

For a more direct example, you are effectively telling a man dieing of Ebola that he just needs to suck it up. You with your healthy body and strong immune system. The mind is easily as complex a thing as the body is, probably more, and just as many things can go wrong with it. To trivialize such things with an 'it's all in your head' attitude like you do is ignorant at best, and dangerous and destructive at worst.

 

Not to trivialize the topic, but ... wow ... I think my head is going to explode....

 

I'm sorry, but he's speaking very insultingly about a serious mental disorder, something that litterally cripples millions of Americans. It's like saying a quadriplegic needs to just suck it up and deal with life in a world designed for people with arms and legs.

 

It's a very sensitive topic, mental health usually is because views are so divided on it - it literally is a thing that is very hard to describe to someone who has not had a problem.

People who don't know better from experience will always come out as insulting at one point or another on topics of mental conditions and disabilities of all kinds. It's just the way of things. Taking it to heart never gets anywhere though.

Something else to note - a lot of comedians have suffered with depression at some point and many who have done so will tout that as a strength to their art.

Also a word that needs to be attached more to depression is 'dysphoria' rather than 'sadness' I think a lot of confusion arises when depression is simply explained away as "feeling sad all the time" when such an oversimplification cannot do the condition justice in a professional capacity or with the explanation of the condition to wider society.

The brain is a highly complex system of electronics, chemicals and physical matter, any of which can go wrong at any time. When it is physical matter we get things like tumors, body dysfunction, mental impairment things like alzheimers and dementure. When it's more the wiring is wrong we get neurodiversity, savantism, conditions where parts of the brain are over or under stimulated. When it is chemical we get mood disorders and 'irrational' conditions which are barely under the patients control.

There needs to be more awareness of mental health - and various factors and causes - too many charlatans cry depression, or autism, or whatever is popular at the time with plain ifnorance towards a condition. It is insulting to all those who have suffered from them to belittle a situation by claiming to be a victim of it when you are not - it is also a reason many more disbelieve these conditions.

People simply need to learn the GENUINE causes and aspects of the conditions to dispell myths generated by an ignorant society so it can be handled in a mature and educated manner rather than childishly emulated or simply dismissed as not a real problem.

 

Wow...that's a mouthful of ignorance and arrogance. I'm going to need the trusty {LIST} command for this one...

• I do know what's making me unhappy....now.
  
• My therapist helps vocalize things that I can't find the words for. She pushes me to "spill the beans" as the saying goes, and she helps me understand myself and what's going on in my head so I *can* fix myself.
  
• My health insurance covers the entire cost for unlimited visits...I do have a copay of $20...but that's chump-change for getting the answers I seek.
  
• I don't see it as a waste of time at all. It's one hour a week...and as of last Tuesday, it's now one hour a month.
  
• How can you fix an issue that you don't know the root cause of? Sure, you can kill the weeds on the surface, but if you don't kill the root, the weeds *will* grow back.
  
• Courage?!?!? Do you know how much f***ing courage it takes to swallow your pride, admit you have a problem, and seek help?!?! You found you "courage" by asking your girlfriend a yes/no question...I'm not bashing your marriage, but that's not very "courageous." I asked my girlfriend to marry me about 4 years ago...and she said yes...so does that make me a bonafide bada** or what?

I suggest you watch your words carefully Blades, you've crossed the line several times in my book...but because I like you, I've let them slide...but now you're not just crossing the line, you're leaping over it full steam. It takes some serious guts to put your *true* personal life and feelings out there for all to see, and when someone walks all over you, it's more than a little irritating...in fact, I'd go so far as to say it pisses me off!




Anyhoo....
I started going to a therapist (who is a professional with many years of training, and many more years of experience...not some guy named Joe who heard some "great" advice from his baby momma's best friend's uncle) to figure things out. After a few weeks, more and more things started to come to light from my past that have been quelling deep inside me for many years. Getting all that crap out in the open and talking about it to someone who knows to handle such things is a huge relief.

Exactly. I've had to put on my "happy face" for the past 10 years. But when you're all alone, that face comes off...You feel like s**t when you're wearing the happy face, and you feel like s**t without it.

The way I act and talk here on the BoM has changed over the past 2-3 months...and it must be good, because I've got 2 more of those little green box thingamajigs within that time! The "new me" is here to stay...so get used to it.

That's because you've been dealing with the happy face I've been wearing for so long. You're talking to the real/new me now...
(The real/new me is much funnier...and more awesome-er... )

You speak the truth my friend!

Without the steps I've taken to turn my life around, there would be no way in hell that I would start this thread...or openly admit my marital issues to the entire world in the RRT. (btw...things are going great between us! )

 

Kit - My words were not meant to insult you, just to offer advice and help if you are willing. In my experiences, if you can solve your own issues, you will be better off. Not depending on someone else to do that for you. But if another can truly help you, than go for it. I wish you the best. I just have not seen it work for anyone that I know. As for my experiences, yes, I have had plenty and found solving my own problems works best. I have also seen many others that I am close to solve their own issues. I have several siblings, 2 of which have sought out shrinks for help. One still sees one after 7 years. It has only bankrupted her and she is still in the same boat, if not in a worse condition than before. She is a total trainwreck. My parents have pleaded with her to stop and just come home for some loving. My other sister stopped seeing the shrink altogether. She was on the same path. Because of the meds and what they were doing to her. She is in a much better place now that she is off of them and solving her own issues. Leading a normal life once again. Yes, I do have experience with it 1st hand. I have also experienced it with a former girlfriend, of many years. She shrunk from a normal person to a hovel, weighing less than 100 lbs. It was really sad. She past away right before I married. From a drug overdose. She never used drugs until she encountered the shrink. Her initial reaching out to the shrink was over a weight problem, which she didn't have. It ended up driving us apart. Her issues escalated from there. But I would rather not elaborate more, since they were someone elses issues.

I'm not saying you don't have courage or that you didn't show courage in stating your issues and your solutions to them. That does take courage. Alot of it. Crap, you show it all of the time here with some of your posts. I feel, IMO, that trying to fight through and solve your own problems shows tons of courage, that solving your own problems is the key to being happy. It takes longer for some than it does for others, patience is a real key. But you don't have to take my advice, though I offer it freely. I really do hope you come out of it feeling better than before. Basically, I read you as a fun guy who "gets" it. Not one in need of help. I also understand that the personality we show here online may not coincide with our everyday realities. If that's so and you truly feel you need to seek help, then go get it. My comments refer to those who use it as a crutch or tool to elude responsibility in life. I don't think you fit that bill. If you feel my comments were solely directed at you, I apologize, I should of stated them in a better context.

NOG -

I will continue to post what I feel on topics that are open to discussion. That is what a forum is for. Telling me "I need to shut up right now" is pathetic. If your father is a shrink, it doesn't qualify you as one, stop trying to enforce your views on me as coming from experience. What real life experiences do you have? You come off as naive at every turn. Shut up? Really? That's pathetic.

 

Blades: You're well earning every insult coming your way and more.

Me? I admitted my life was going nowhere and got myself medicated some years back. These days, I'm not actually much happier, but the meds did give me enough strength to get to at least one root of my problems... but that root won't be removed with pills, it needs a scalpel.

And yes, they have side-effects, but side-effects are a small price to pay for sufficient strength and clarity of mind to start fixing my problems.

 

If you truly have a medical condition, get all the help you can. That is not my point. It's those that really don't have an issue and use excuses to avoid reality that I disagree with.

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NOG - Awarding bad rep doesn't change my stance. You can accuse me of having no knowledge of the subject? Everyone of us has experience with depression at some point in our lives. Everyone. I have chosen to work through it myself as I have already experienced the other edge of the sword in that field. I have no experience? How could you possibly know this to be fact? How? It's through my experiences that I fomulate my opinions and try to help others from my experiences. With advice from my experiences. The fact that I don't spit out rhetoric straight from the Therapists mouth doesn't make me less informed. It makes me someone who has an informed opinion. That is what these boards are for, especially the alleys. To state and discuss our stances on the subject. Don't tell me to shut up. You tell me I'm insulting? Kid, you got a lot to learn.

 

That's precisely the reason to go to a therapist - saying what you're thinking out loud to someone else (who isn't going to judge you, either*) is sometimes just enough to help the process of healing along.

*talking with friends and family is fine, but because they already have preconceived notions about the situation, they already have an opinion, and thus a judgment. Shrinks are supposed to be impartial to the situation

Good on you, Kit, for being able to go see one. After the last two I've had, I just don't feel like going to anyone anymore; I internalize my problems and that probably isn't too good in the long run. So I applaud your courage to see one - talking with someone you don't know about your problems is rough.

And what about the people who don't get it diagnosed, or get tests to make sure it is a chemical imbalance (out of cost, inconvenience, or who don't think/want to admit they have a problem)? They are all just whining attention whores who use depression (or, "depression") as an excuse for people to love them?

Take me, for example - I have plenty of problems, am probably clinically depressed, but don't take meds or see a shrink. Nor do I complain to my friends to make them pity/sympathize with me. I try to deal with my problems myself (although usually fail and don't become any happier). Do you have a problem with a person like me, who is not diagnosed with depression but probably has it? (Not sure if I want to get into my symptoms here...)