The "L" Word

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If you do that with Final Cut Pro, all bets are off and it may just explode

It is perhaps the worst computer program I have worked with, in terms of doing things you don't want it to do and then chuckling while you try to fix your project from certain doom. In fact, it strikes me as something Microsoft would make, not Apple...

 

Love is like Windows, you and many others will crash a lot. Until one day you find the linux distro that suits you

 

All in all, from hearing you guys (and girls) talk, from watching TV, movies, news, reading books, and hearing friends talk, all I can say is: I'm SOOOOOO glad I met Carole (the wifey-poo)! We're both such straightforward people, we never have to worry about what the other person is thinking or feeling, because they'll say!

We dated (not officially exclusive, but neither of us had any interest anywhere else, and we aren't party people, so it was effectively so) for about 4 months before love came up. When it did, it was completely comfortable. Two months later, our first kiss. Yes, I realize that's probably backwards for most people, and much longer, but there it was, and it worked wonderfully. We've now been married for 2 years (after almost 6 years of dating, primarily because we were broke college students both living with our parents), and it's as good as it's ever been.

 

You waited six months to kiss your current wife? I know some guys move faster or slower than others, but that seems extreme by any measure...

 

No offense meant NOG but if you don't have sex or even kiss how can you possibly be in an exclusive relationship? That may be a cultural thing but it is really confusing.

 

I knew Mrs Bruno for over four years before we first kissed ... of course we were co-workers and married to different people for the vast majority of that time.

 

Being a member of a strict religion I did not have sex with either of my wives before marrying them. But I DID kiss them fairly early on in our courtships.

For those new to the boards, I divorced the first one LONG before the second one ever even came into the picture, so no polygamy jokes!

 

Chastity is overrated.

 

You would know?

 

I SAID no polygamy jokes!

I'm a big fan of chastity.

 

Actually, it all felt very natural. We just hung out a lot, went to movies, watched TV, etc.

And why should exclusivity have anything to do with sex or kissing? I know people that do both without considering it an exclusive relationship, and others that would consider a relationship exclusive before either happened (given that they took longer than 2-3 dates to get there). For us, more than one repeat date meant we were taking the relationship seriously, which meant exclusivity.

 

Did you at least snuggle? Snuggling's where it's at, man.

 

I hope I don't sound too judgemental because I'm just trying to understand how that could work out, I'm not judging. I guess you can be exclusive about not having sex with someone but to be honest I can only see how frustrating this would be. Don't get me wrong though, I respect commitment and being faithful to someone it's just that I would have a hard time being in a sexless relationship with a woman if we both had feelings for each other.

The absence of sex in a relationship with a woman is how I define friendship. It doesn't mean that you have to have sex to be in love of course but if I'm just hanging out with a girl then either she's just a friend or I'm really taking it slow. Having sex with a woman doesn't mean that you can't be friends either, it sure does make things more complicated though (especially if the L word ever gets mentioned).

 

I can see the absence of sex for moral/religious reasons, but not even kissing for that long seems really crazy to me. If you are exclusive there needs to be at least some physical side to the relationship, otherwise it just seems like a friendship. Kissing is an easy way for that physical side to manifest itself, but if just (presumably) snuggling and hand-holding was enough for you I suppose it works.

 

Depends if you define relationships by purely how you feel, or mix in how physical you get into the definition.

Hell I've kissed most of my friends, so kissing earlier in a relationship wouldn't seem different to me, someone who is more physically distant with friends will simply be slower in a romantice relationship to do physical actions with them.

 

From what I'm reading people seem to put "friend" and "romantic partner" in completely different categories. I think that unless you can call that person a friend, you shouldn't even consider a long-term relationship with them in my experience. It might be unorthodox to wait half a year to kiss your wife, but I hardly think kissing is necessary for a successful marriage. I'd reckon to say if NOG's wife respects him enough to wait six months for him to be ready to kiss her, then their relationship was already far above the current success rate for marriages in the US.

The absence of sex does not make you simply friends if you truly love a person and receive that love in return, I don't think anyone was saying that, but imho love isn't tied to sex. However, love that exists between two partners (e.g. marriage) can be linked to sex. Does it necessarily have to be? No, I think we can all agree that sex does not necessarily have to come from love. Example: Mass orgies. You can have sex with someone you hadn't met until your genitalia came in contact with theirs. Just as watching a movie isn't tied to friendship; you can watch a movie with someone you hate, it's just more enjoyable with someone you like (and if you decide to wait with that person until you're ready, then more power to you). My point being; I respect NOG and his wife for being so understanding with each other and I don't think having their first kiss six months after they were married has any affect whatsoever on the quality of their marriage. Strange, yes, crazy, nah! I think it's sweet.

 

It's pretty much a given that romantic partners are also friends, if they're not then you're not really in a relationship that will last beyond a weekend!

The love between a friend and a girl/boyfriend though is a different category of love. The english language complicates matters by having one word for a miriad of collective feelings.

 

I definitely agree that a romantic love is different from a friendly love, however, I like to think of my partner as my best friend, before my lover or my soul mate or anything else. As I am her best friend; doing what a good friend should do, being there to listen, to comfort, to laugh with(at). I find that to be more important than any physical aspect.

 

Romantic love? Friendly love? Seems to be splitting hairs to me. I can't think of anything more friendly than sex.