From the Mouth of Babes

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My little guy did me proud this weekend - I feel he had his first experience with illogical thought as it concerns religion. We were at my in-law's house for dinner this past weekend, and my mother-in-law (who is an extremely devout Catholic) mentioned something about heaven. This prompted the following conversation between my son, Jack (who is 4) and my mother-in-law:

JACK: What does heaven look like?

His Grandmother: Oh, it's the most beautiful place you'll ever see.

J: When were you there?

GM: Oh, I've never been there.

J: So who told you what it looks like?

GM: No one - once you go to heaven you don't leave.

J (with a note of incredulity in his voice): No one who goes to heaven ever comes back?

GM: No, once you're there, you're dead and with god, so you don't get to come back.

J (now getting annoyed): So how do we know what it looks like?

GM: Because it says so in the Bible.

J (now disgusted): That doesn't make any sense.

At this point I started laughing... I mean a 4-year old can figure this stuff out! And I didn't plant any of that in his head. Granted, I'm not religious so I never told him much about religion in general or Catholicism specifically. But I don't talk bad about it either - it's just something my wife and I don't talk about at all. What little Jack knows of religion is what he hears from my mother-in-law, who is a real holy-roller. But even at 4, he has come to the conclusion: It doesn't make any sense. LMFAO!

 

We had similar issues with Teen Snook. Me and the Mrs. are both Jewish, but neither of us are practicing. The thought of joining a Temple gave us both the heebie jeebies. However as he got older we started to think about a Bar Mitzvah and decided that we should join a temple and get him a religious education. Of course since his Bar Mitzvah none of us have been to the Temple since, but at least he has some idea about what the Jewish faith is about.

 

Having other people give you stuff?

 

...or other people take something from you that near and dear in the case of a Bar Mitzvah.

I gotta say if my only experience with a religion was to have some old dude cut on a delicate portion of my body I'd never go back.

 

I stand corrected, Inigo.

 

I quite sure she was not amused. However, the only person who wasn't laughing was her. So what can you do? There was nothing mean or malicious about Jack's questions. He was genuinely curious. Furthermore, the only reason he knows about a place called heaven is because of her. I was sincere in my statement that religion isn't discussed in our house at all. So she planted the seed in his head to begin with. She had seven children of her own - it's not my fault that her kids accepted such an explanation while Jack was able to analyze the situation more critically.

 

Had my first run in with my 4 yr old's pre-k teacher. She goes to St. Ritas. Her teacher is HOT! Teach said "Hello, I'm Mrs. Mixa". I said "Pardon me?" as I didn't hear her clearly. She said "you know, like stirring?" and made a stirring motion with her hands. I reponded "Oh no! If your here, who's stirring the sauce?!".

Seriously though, even in pre-k they are hammering away on the god and Jesus stuff. When my oldest asked me why I don't go to church, I told her daddy is already an angel and doesn't need to go anymore. She told me that Grandma calls her an angel as well so does she need to still go? I looked right at her mother and said "Well?" as she is the one driving the Catholic school? Mommy had no answer but the usual dirty look. But since mommy only goes sparingly as well, she had nothing to say. Guilt usually keeps them quiet...

I am not looking forward to the future battles with the wife over what the answer to our children's questions concerning God and religion in general will be as my only thought is that it should be common sense to realize there is no god. But I also want them informed enough to make their own decisions about religion, not to just follow what mommy or daddy says. Especially when our opinions differ.

 

Well informed about matters of faith?

 

Ha! Funny man that Gaear is.....

Informed enough to be able to make their own decisions. Avoid the "brainwashiness" so to speak, from either side.

 

Ashley saw Rob getting out the shower the other day and said 'Mummy, Daddy's a girl'
'Why's that sweetie?'
'Because he has boobies'

Rob's now looking into a gym membership...especially as Ashley has gone and told almost everyone we know about Daddy having boobies

 

Well, when Jack goes to kindergarten next year, he likely will be going to a Catholic school as well, although it has nothing to do with the religion aspect of things. The local elementary school is old, is crummy, and judging from the vagabond children I see in our neighborhood, isn't exactly filled with students who are either eager or encouraged to do well in school.

(Really, I haven't been a snob my entire life - it's that switch that gets turned on when you become a parent - my wife and I both went to public school and turned out OK. But when you have kids of your own, suddenly, all the kids that go to public school in your neighborhood are dirt balls - it just happens - trust me.)

So anyway, we first looked into Montessori - for about 5 minutes. The tuition is $18K per year. FFS, I didn't pay that much annual tuition when I was in college! There's no way I'm paying $18K for Jack to learn his alphabet, learn colors, learn numbers, and learn how to finger paint. With the exception of the finger painting, he already knows all that stuff anyway. So we checked out the Catholic school, well Mrs. Idiot did, and she loved the way the rooms were set up, that the kindergarteners don't need to wear school uniforms, that there's a bathroom attached right to the kindergarten room, and that it just seems like the kids are from better families (yes, I know, there's the snobbery again). And at about 1/3 the price of Montessori, I'll grin and bear it.

 

Wow, they are that high? We were also looking into Motessori, they are bit higher than the Caotholic schools, but not THAT much. Hell, it was around 18k for TWO kids, not one. Holy McRip-off Batman! The public schools here are atrocious. Though I live out side the "Ciity" of Rockford, our kids would get drug into the west-side schools, which would put them in a "not so nice" grouping. So public schools are not an option. That leaves us with Catholic and Private. Catholic is the cheper route, but liek you Aldeth, I will have to grin and bear it. Like I said before, at least her teacher is Hot....

 

Well, I do live about 20 miles outside of a major city, and Maryland does have one of the higher costs of living in the nation. My parents live in Pennsylvania, and things cost a lot less there, even if you live near Philly. So I imagine everything is more here. But there's no way I can justify $18K for friggin' kindergarten... My jaw dropped when I saw the price. I actually said to my wife, "Is this price in pesos or something?"

 

On my last birthday my 4 year old grandaughter asked how old I was. I jokingly told her I was older than dirt. She quietly looked perplexed and let it pass. So a year passed and at my next birthday party she proudly proclaimed she knew how old I was. So naturally I had to ask her '' how old am I '' to which she promptly replied ....... You're 1 year older than dirt.....out of the mouths of babes.

 

I told Ashley to go upstairs and get ready for bed the other day and he ignored me. After yelling at him for the 4th time he stormed up the stairs shouting "I am, you daft bugger!".

The following night I asked him if he was nearly finished in the shower and got the answer "Just a second, I'm scrubbing my undercarriage".

He's not even 5 yet!

 

Hilarious!