Best NPC/character quotes

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Post your favourit quotes from henchmen and other NPCs, as well as conversation options of the main character, in the OC, SoU and HotU. Please mention whom you're quoting, and if necessery, also in what context it was said. :=}

 

WARNING! Spoilers below.


I don't know if anyone is watching this topic after a month, but I figured, what the heck, maybe some new users will run across it.

---Original Campaign---
Tomi Undergallows, part of his story:
"Fame was always Sammy's thing. He's always loved attention, ever since he did that striptease in the half-orc bar to keep from being pummelled, I've always thought he was a bit of a diva."

"In his mind, having me stuck in a Calim****e prison and ravaged daily by burly convict cell-mates was worth almost any price."
I don't know about Sammy, but I'd pay to see that

Erb, one of brothel employees in Luskan:
"I'm asking myself: is this lad here for a conversation or does he have some gnome-fetish that I dare not even ask about? I'm hoping for the former, but being a quality gnome like myself, anything is possible."
Of course, in Neverwinter Nights only conversation is possible between characters of the same sex. I guess Toril would implode if they ever got intimate Eh, there's always Fable:TLC, I suppose.

Averik, member of the jury:
"That prissy priest, Neurik must have sent you. Can't figure out why that sawed off runt wanted me on the jury. Guess he figured I'd be impartial since I hate all races, colors and creeds equally."

Guardian White Dragon:
"Long ago I was known as Ma'fel'no'sei'kedehnaar in the old language. There was a time when I was known as Winter Fang in the tongues of manlings."
His agent must have suggested the name change


---Shadows of Undrentide---
Rumgut the hill giant:
"[Singing... sort of.] Rumgut be so happy with wife who can cook...
me not really care at all how she look...
she maybe (sic) small, but me no have fit...
when she be cooking it no smell like..."

Deekin, when asked how he is feeling:
"Deekin tired. Feet is sore. Back is hurting. Little Deekin feel like bag of clamshells bashed on ground repeatedly. Overall is good."

Deekin, after the caravan brothers complained about his cooking:
"Foul taste? But Deekin uses perfect amount of ox urine, just like mammy did!"

Rifkin, one of the crazy Ao worshipers:
"The Messiah speaks to me. Oh, Holy Ao, heal the wounds I caused myself in your name, and I will give you a worthy gift."

Shield Guardian demonstrating flawless golem logic:
"You are an intruder. You destroyed other intruders. Destroying of intruders is a job for guardians. You destroyed intruders, therefore you are a guardian. How may I assist you, guardian?"

Torias, after you get him the Aoist wine:
"[Hic!] Guess what I found, Mesmer! That's right I wound some fine! I mean... I found some wine! Aoish... ummm, Aovian... Ao wine! Wait... [Hic!] ...didn't you get it for me?"
"Heh... you want to hear a secret? [Hic!]
(Sure. Hit me.)
"[Hic!] I drink too much!"

Heurodis:
"Who else is this, then? A beardless dwarf woman. Surely you must be none other than Dorna."
Dorna must be quite the circus freak back home.

Golem, advertising his services while he tries to kill you:
"Would you like your home and belongings guarded? if so, come visit the Golem Emporium on Northwest Vizier Street! We have the protection you need!"

---Hordes of the Underdark---
A druid's dire wolf animal companion, when you try to play with it:
"Your dire wolf doesn't have much interest in games, but is willing to concede to a philosophical discussion on the meaning of life, so long as you scratch it behind the ears."

(This is a quote from memory. It might not be accurate to the letter).
Enseric the Longsword during combat:
"Let's cut its beard off once it's dead!"
"Ugh, what a foul taste."
"Don't forget to polish me once the battle is over."

Chicken in Undermountain, when a druid PC talks to it:
"The chicken wishes it could be your companion; riding on your shoulder as you go off into battle, and pecking out the eyes of foes. It always dreamed of becoming a chicken-of-war."

The PC to the henchman, when visiting Zorvak'Mur:
"If you were my thrall, would you have to cook and clean for me?"

Vix'thra Monk trying some dubious pick-up lines:
"Your flesh so warm, your skin so smooth, the eyes in your skull so brightly shining... your blood, even now, coursing through your veins..."

(This is a quote from memory. It might not be accurate to the letter).
Valen:
"It's been a long time since a demon lord has been unleashed upon the Primals. It should be interesting... in a terrifying, get me out of here kind of way, I mean."

Lazy the Quarry Imp, after you use your dexterity skill to remove his hand from the ice grinder:
"My hand! I can feel my hand! Gah, that hurts! Put it back in! For the love of all that is evil, put the hand back in! Gah!"

Gru'ul the Quarry Boss, after you command him to be good using his True Name:
"Good!? But it's not in my nature! Why you flea-riddled, pus-eating, flower-growing, bunny-hugging, sun-shining... sir... Blech, if I could hate you right now, I would, Mesmer."

 

Deekin has loads of great quotes but I can't remember them now.

 

Enseric the Sword, uppon being drawn:
"Alright, but losen your grip a bit - i'm starting to feel... manhandled."
{he also says it in a classical "holywood gay man" tone}

PC to Boddyknock:
"You again? Am i going to have to get someone to cast <Dispell Annoying Little Runt> to get rid of you?"
{ideas to make an atual spell by such name, anyone?}

Little {human} girl to {gnomish} PC:
"When i grow up, i wnt to be a great gnome adventurer just like you... I think."
{because we all know how much humans suck in adventuring.}

Pixie, uppon attacking:
[pixie sounds]
{not much of a quote, but it's profoundly CUTE!}

PC, to Lathander's seraph, when asked to reveal the motives of his verdict:
"The Judge's heart is his own."
{I never liked Lathander, and was really tempted to choose this option. Nothing beats talking down to a deity's proxi}

 

Well...this one's not a QUOTE per se...but...

Deekin while in a dark gloomy dungeon...DOOM DOOM DOOM DOOM!!

 

Oooh, and gotta love in HotU, when both the halforc and the bardess {is suddenly forgot theyr name} get that "soom song" stuck in theyr head!