How to tell if a girl likes you...

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All I can say is: be careful!

"Love" has ruined more lives, destroyed more careers and damaged more people than it has ever helped.

Do not rush into it - especially at the expense of your work, career and funds. If you sacrifice these for a momentary bliss, you can damage your life and lifestyle for all your remaining days.

Just remember that you are going to live on this Earth for a good amount of time. Don't fall into the thinking that you have to procreate in your twenties.

Sex is not love, but most people confuse the former with the latter. Be careful that this is not the case.

 

I never really got all this stuff about "how to act to get a woman". As so many have said, the basic most important thing to realise is that if you pretend to be something you're not, you're only going to delay the inevitable. If getting into a relationship requires you to prove yourself, to start playing macho, and use other means to convince the girl you're something you're not, then it's doomed to begin with. The only guaranteed way to get a girl interested in you (unless you're aiming for the jackpot, for someone who is interested in you and not your accomplishments is surely a rare find, a relationship bound to last a long time before fading) is to get power. Social, material, physical, mental, whatever. They refuse to admit it, but almost every single woman is attracted to power. Whereas to a male the "power" a woman has plays only a small part, to a female it's everything. Against the common belief, a geek who really has proof of being able at something (succesful programmer, academic nerd, etc) doesn't have to be too socially capable (well not a complete jerk or an idiot either, of course) to attract the opposite sex. I loathe a useless display of power, which includes any sort of bragging or showing off your abilities without a specific need to do so. Which, of course, is probably one of the biggest reasons why my life involves few females sexually interested in me, though I do fairly well as a friend.

To tell if a girl actually likes you? Well, at least in Finnish society unless you're considered a gold-prize by every woman in existence, you're gonna have to be the one to show some initiative. Which of course is always risky. But after taking the initiative, all you really can do is just take things further until you're sure you've gone far enough to envoke a negative reaction in her unless she really is interested.

Females by nature are highly manipulative. Not in the bad sense, just that they are infinitely more skilled in invoking emotions in the other to get a desired reaction than the average male is. For this reason it often seems hard to say wether she's just being the way she is because she's trying to alleviate the atmosphere by being friendly, or because she's interested in you. From a male point of view, the genuine display of interest and joy a female often shows to you can be nothing else than a clear sign of her being interested in you, in more ways than one. This is extremely rarely true though. Because a male who feels even the least bit sexually attracted to the female will often overlook several flaws he would definitely notice in a sexually unattractive individual (and generally act far more politely towards her), it's obvious that the female will do her best to make and keep things this way.

So the only way to be sure, is to go for it. You will undoubtedly get hurt before scoring (not "scoring", just scoring), but so do nearly everyone else. Can't succeed without throwing in a few failures first, as they say. Or as I say at least.

 

I've thrown in a failure and had a success, now its time for another success, you a pscicologist Forad?

 

I admit the advice everyone has contributed is uber helpful. And I might be throwing a wrench in this topic (if so, private message me your suggestions or post in forum for me to start a new topic). Apart from the advice for teenagers and young adults. What would you say to someone who JUST started working in the "real" world after a couple dead end jobs and found a girl at work that he obviously has a crush on.

First: Act on it because it could be something real (which it's starting to become) or don't because it's work.
Second: How to go about doing it. Not really looking for in depth advice, just what are some other ways to throw up a better radar since a lot of things are prohibited at work (i.e. most all phsyical contact, rubbing hands or touching the back of the neck, etc)

 

@ Vandalore - My advice would be

(a) don't become involved in an office romance - it will invariably mess things up for both of you

and (b) if you ignore (a) please don't show any outward signs of the romance while in the work place. Apart from the gossip an office romance will only cause confusion, resentment and strife.

[ August 31, 2003, 20:57: Message edited by: JSBB ]

 

If this is a work romance, then that really ups the risk.

Don't do it. The glass ceiling will quickly form over your head if you do. Companies do NOT like to promote people when their boyfriend/girlfriend works for the same company. Doing so would cause friction.

If you are serious about this girl, you have to realize that you are sacrificing your future with the company.

Trust me on this, I have seen many young people make choices not realizing how the world works.

 

A friend of mine is ina real bad scene. He has proposed to a girl, and he is only 17. She's 16. The thing is, she's a filthy slut, and she sleeps around on him. Now that he's proposed, she has a deal with him that they can see other people as long as they dont have any feelings for them. God damn I hate her.

My friend Tara is trying to split them up by going out with him, but he's too much of a nice bloke to do it. Now the only thing left to do is to convince him that she is a slag and that he would be better off without her.

That or break her legs and through her into the ocean.

Anyway, this is just a friendly warning to those out there that get too attached to their girl friends. If you find out that she's cheating on you, and you think that you love her... remember this. She doesn't love you, so marriage will fix nothing.

 

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Excuse me, just a few memories of the past.

This agreement sounds surprisingly female, if you know what I mean... Anyway, do make sure it doesn't last long. Feel free to PM me. However, it's not good and not a good idea to make another female take over his attention from that girl without any romance intention on her part.

Yes, listen to him. Forgive her, be a gentleman, but dump her. She will not begin to love you more in future no matter what and she will never love you enough for it to restrain her from loving the other guy too or, prosaically, checking on guys.

This does not include only girlfriends. This extends to any other case in which exclusiveness is suggested seriously. Similarly, it doesn't limit to sleeping with other guys. In fact it doesn't limit to other guys at all. It's more to do with honesty, responsibility and reliability. A bit carefree attitude in dating stage, lack of punctuality, keeping some areas secret etc is a secondary concern, but any conscious lie or breach of promise is a major signal that something is wrong (for whose who don't realise: not every use of first person future is a promise, failure to keep a promise is not always a breach of promise, avoiding the truth is not always a lie, and some people need professional aid in the first place). Especially if she lies for convinience or if she made a promise she never intended to keep.

My personal favourite is excuses. Some of them, after a period of hitting on you, will tell you they me have no time for social life at the moment due to some grave problems, thus keeping you waiting for two months... and just two evenings after you'll see the person on a pub crawl with a random guy, behaving as though nothing at all had happened ('meet WhateverHisName'). Some will have a very informative talk with your best friend. Some will bet spare change on that they'll get you. Some will start and keep advancing on you until you ask them and then tell you they're taking their rest from guys (they won't usually see any contradiction here). Sometimes you will see your new girlfriend cuddling with an underaged kid the night she had made a decisive move on you out of the blue. Sometimes your new girlfriend won't have time for you but will have for checking on guys and flirting. Welcome to reality. There's wheat and there's chaff. The thing is to filter the chaff. This is not to discourage you or make you pessimistic. This to let you know that things happen and to make you remember to filter the chaff. The sooner, the better.

[ August 27, 2003, 15:31: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

*growls and hisses like a cat* I HATE GIRLS LIKE THAT!!!!! I have nothing but complete sympathy to Baelzebub (and his friend) and Chevalier. I really hate girls like that. And on that note -- not all of us are like that, just stay clear of those who are. And I don't think I even need to add onto their list of evils because I'm sure everyone knows who they are and what they do. *mutters about evil, manipulative sluts*

On the other hand, Velve actually does seem to be in the right. My last boyfriend was a lot like that; he was really into jazz (especially Dave Brubeck) and although all of my boyfriends have been into jazz, my last boyfriend actually got me into it too. And I'd known him before we were going out for like years but we became especially good friends two weeks before going out. Also, he knew how straight-edge and Christian I am and totally respected that and would only go however far I wanted. And yes, that made me respect and love him all the more for it. (We went out for over a year if that's any indication)

 

Let's say, one of the stupidest things is, when one is in for the sex and the other for love. That sucks. In itself, sex without love is okay, while your partner knows, that it's just sex. But when he doesn't, it's bad.

My two cents.

 

Time for my two cents..

When I "ran" into my girlfriend I didnt know her on forehand. It was on a disco, on a friday night (actually it was Valentines Day )
I just kept cool, talked to her, asked her what she liked and so on.. Finally I took her dancing and for a beer on the same night. The day after I visited her at her place, and I stayed there for six hours (from 8pm untill 2am)

She is a year and a half older than me (18 and almost 20).

My advice for you is to keep cool, and dont look to obvious, because that will blow the whole thing away (believe me.. I have a friend who does it all the time)

Good luck with the girl

 

Hehe Chevy posted alot on this subject even though he is catholic and is not allowed before marriage

Kovalis Darkfire, <snip> that was way to bad for the furoms </snip>

To Eze, ingore for how long?

 

Excellent point Eze.

 

SoCO, dear, I'm missing something here. Please rephrase your question.

 

If a girl puts her tongue in your ear, it's pretty safe to say she likes you.

 

Or the taste of your earwax, you never know.

 

Ewww...

Eze, I asked how long did you ignore him for?

"Oh well. I am a girl myself, but nobody has ever luckily tried something with me. Whew. When a girl likes a guy, she'll tell the guy straight on or just ignore him."

 

Girls that are interested have a glint in the eye and they smile a lot.

 

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Pardon my bluntness, but that is plain rubbish. Even if her emotions are apparent, she will rarely tell anything. She might tell you she feels comfortable, relaxed or downright well in your company (well, but even friends will say this) but almost never that she likes you, let alone that she 'likes' you unless you say so first.

Rrright!

I simply love that glint. Can't help it.

[ August 29, 2003, 22:39: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

Whatever. Maybe I don't know anything about this relationship crap/BS. But I do know one thing. Usually it doesn't pay off. And when you fall in love, you're ****ed, buddy. So ****ed, that it's not even funny.