Best Insults

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In all? There's just way too many of them for that. Heck, I'd struggle for all the insults from just that movie, Ya bloody peasant!

 

I am unfamilliar with your language - are all the words less than five letters? Or just the ones you use.

Go find a tree you like, (blank), and pray you don't get splinters. perhaps not the best to post up here

100% pure cow, so is the jacket.

If they went any slower they'd be accelerating...#

If she talks much more her we'll have to put a beach ball in it... the gobstoppers are no longer working.

why is it the time I need good insults I can imagine none?

 

Electric donkey-bottom biter.

 

'Were your parents related, like before they wered married?'

From a game, anyone else know which one (I don't think it sold very well).

 

This one is used in my home,when someone passes gas: Well your voice has changed, but your breath is still the same.

Or an old favorite is: When god started the line for brains, you thought he said trains and replied, I'll catch the next one.

 

"Hey Dude, your suit looks like the lining from a better suit."

and of course the famous...

"Did your parent's have any children who survived?"

 

heh... last year my AP English teacher thought it'd be fun if we all insulted each other in Shakespearian English so she printed up a list of all the adjectives and nouns he uses and made three different lists. And the idea was to take a word from each list and combine them to create an insult. lol You have no idea how funny that got because she then coaxed us to use our invented insults on each other and tried to get us to yell them as loud as we could when of course the Principal walked by hearing one of the kids insult my teacher as loud as he could. Now there was a fun English teacher.

 

"I wouldn't trust you to sit the right way round on the lavatory"


"If you're family could be likened to a compost heap, and I think they can, you'd be the biggest weed growing out of it"

"You're the kind of person that spawns kamikazee drivers resorting to driving into your house until one of them is lucky enough to get you"

All curtesy of Rowan Atkinson - Live in Belfast.

 

Old middle eastern insult?

"May your groin be infested by the fleas of a thousand camels."

 

Here's one:

"You're the poster-boy for birth control!"

 

http://www.generationterrorists.com/~jason/cgi-bin/quotes.cgi?section=Insults

- These are brilliant.

'I'd go out with you, but I'm busy attending the opening of my garrage door'

 

Indeed they are.

"You are as innocent as a new-fallen snow... on the highway." reminded me of one we have here:

A. She's (you're) like flu.
B. Why?
A. Everyone has had it.

Another nice example:

Lady Nancy Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."

sir Winston Churchill: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

Well, the old scoundrel had a sense of humour very similar to mine, I must say

 

Here's a great speech from British History. After the British Civil Wars, the nation was ruled shortly by a puritan general known as Oliver Cromwell. Here is a speech he gave when he dissolved the Rump Parliament. Since he was already in full control of the whole nation, he tone is less than courteous.


Oliver Cromwell, at the dissolution of Parliament, 1655.


"It is high time for Me to put an End to your Sitting in this Place, which you have dishonoured by your Contempt of all Virtue, and defiled by your Practice of every Vice;

Ye are a factious Crew and Enemies of all good Government; Ye are a Pack of mercenary Wretches and would, like Esau, Sell your Country for a Mess of Pottage; and like Judas, betray your God for a few Pieces of Money; Is there a single Virtue now remaining amongst you besides the one Vice that you do not possess? Ye have no more Religion than my horse! Gold is your God. Which of you have not bartered your Conscience for Bribes?

Is there a Man amongst you that has the least care for the Good of the Commonwealth?

Ye sordid prostitutes! Have you not defiled this Sacred Place, and turned the Lord's Temple into a Den of Thieves by your immoral Principles and wicked Practices? Ye are grown intolerably odious to the whole nation; you were deputed here by the people to get grievances redress'd, are yourselves become the greatest grievance.

Your Country therefore calls upon me to cleanse the Augean Stable, by putting a final Period to your Iniquitous Proceedings in this House, and which by God's Help, and the strength He has given Me, I now come to do.

I command ye, therefore, upon the Peril of your Lives, to depart immediately out of this Place;

Go! Get out! Make haste, ye Venal Slaves, begone! So, take away that shining Bauble there, and lock up the Doors.

In the name of God - GO!"