Calling all girl gamers

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Have any of you ever gamed (either computer rpg or table-top) with a really nasty bunch of guys who couldn't role-play around the fact that a girl was in their party? I know most of the gamers here are probably talented and mature enough role-players that player gender isn't an issue, but you must have had some bad experiences in the past. I can remember my first gaming group (a bunch of hormonal 14-year old guys) ... I kept getting suggestive notes under the table from another guy, and then he asked me out. it took my bewildered elven thug a little while to figure out that she wasn't going to the movies on friday, and i was. And it was quite alarming how many times i would wake up after a battle and find myself chained to bed posts with silken sheets underneath me...
anyway, I'm writing a humerous article providing advice to new gamers on how to incorporate female players into their game. I'd really appreciate any stories or anecdotes any of you have to share.
Thanks!

 

This is a *humourous* article, right? Not one in which we can vent our frustration at not being able to find a gaming group that treated us like a friend, not a "chick"? Our outrage at how seemingly nice guys turn into complete *%$#s at the gaming table in the presence of someone with more than one X chromosome? Our disgust at finding out quite a lot of guys "play" barbarians for a very good reason?

/me stops hyperventilating.

I was six or seven when I first played Dungeons and Dragons and that gaming group was led by a responsible grown-up. It was a great experience. Later I played with a boyfriend who was a renowned enough fighter in real life (professional akido instructor and amateur hockey thug) that all our gaming buddies treated me with enormous respect, in fact with kid gloves.

Then I tried playing with other gaming groups. It was a very bad few years that put me off D&D for quite a while. Some of the highlights, all from different gaming groups, all from guys who normally are very very nice to women in the "real world":
- having my character sold as a sex slave when the party was low on funds, and then kidnapped back from the brothel later
- having my character gang-raped by the rest of the party
- the party finding a chastity belt as dungeon loot and forcing it on my character
- a DM not allowing me to play unless I created a character in complete "detail", including bra size and pubic hair colour



Never mind being hit on by the rest of my group. That was the FUN part.

Although I'm now in a gaming group where I'm the only woman and the guys are just great. They are just SO much fun (thanks Invoker, Vormaerin, Slappy, Zorac!). They (and I, now) are all much older than the ones I had such bad experiences with when I was younger, which probably makes a difference. And, of course, I'm married to the DM so he behaves himself... if he wants to get his dinner!


[This message has been edited by Sprite (edited March 01, 2002).]

 

Thanks Sprite, that is exactly the kind of response i was looking for! and to all you guys out there, this IS not just a post to rag on you ... well, not on all of you, anyway! we totally appreciate those of you who appreciate us for the GAMERS that we are, and not just potential dates with girls who don't mind all the time you spend gaming!

 

I'm female and have been playing both female and male D&D characters for about four years now, and though I've played with mostly guys I've certainly never gotten the kind of treatment described above... granted they are more in their early 20's than early teens, which makes a huge difference! I first started gaming as the DM's girlfriend, but have since played in other groups.

I know a couple of other girls who play D&D, and they've had varying experiences. One of them was subtly removed from a group because, well, she was a terrible roleplayer. Her character never really said or did anything. I don't know if she was intimidated by all the guys (it was an eight-person group in which she and I were the only females) or just a very uncreative person.

The other girl gamers I know (including me) tend to take it pretty seriously and get very involved in the storyline -- The guys usually spend the DM's bathroom breaks quoting movie lines or one-upping each other's stupid puns, while I'm checking my notes to make sure I know all the NPC's names, or looking over my inventory to see if I have some cool item that would be appropriate to whatever situation we're in. I've cajoled a DM into including a couple of romantic subplots. I get the impression that the guys appreciate my additions most of the time.

The guys I game with tend to be more theatrical in their roleplaying. They usually make up accents for their characters... I have yet to meet a woman who can truly do accents well. Or quote movie lines, for that matter. Has anyone else noticed this? Am I wrong about it?

Anyway, a month from now I'm going to DM for the first time, so wish me luck!

 

I'm a guy and I'd just like to state for the record....all we think about is the oppisite sex we are very bad people with raging hormones.Half the guys I know have very little requirments for their g/f....ya know....walking...breathing its really sad...I also have a joke about guys that might get this forum locked so ill be a good boy!scouts honor and all that....Anyways guys...were gonna get ragged on alot because....we do stupied stuff when we stop thinking with our brains....anyways thats an insiders opinion on the male gender which might be a little off the topic but is something interetsing to add.

~Sidenote~
I write poetry(some actually good) so that makes me a sweet and honest guy unlike those slobs*points to the barbarians pulling each others finger*....and I said some of my good qualities in this post yey!....now to hide all the bad ones.....

~Edit~
I said "ragged on".....I should take a time out now....nap time...I didn't like nap time in kindergarden....I always thought the teacher was gonna come after me....she was meeean.....now to stop babbling and sounding like an idiot....jeez now I see why I don't stick up for guys I dig the hole deeper.....


[This message has been edited by cirian16 (edited March 01, 2002).]

 

Well i have to admit my first real D&D session was when i was alot older, around 22. The DM was in his 40's and there was another female. I didnt find any immature behaviour. I think the trick is to play with mature people. Why would i want a 14 year old as my DM anyhow..lol

 

Well I'm not a girl but I wish I knew anyone that was interested in playing the god damn game when I was 8 I ended up selling all my shit and started collecting comic books

[This message has been edited by sorvo (edited March 01, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by sorvo (edited March 01, 2002).]

 

Kitiara, I think you're absolutely right. The age of the players makes a huge difference- and a 14 year old DM was all I could find when I was 14! For the record, all of my anecdotes were from groups that consisted of all pre-teen and teenage boys, or Army guys in the 17 - 25 year old range. I recognise that these are not groups known for their gentlemanly behaviour at the best of times. My current gaming group seems to consist of all 30-somethings. Although, they are all so nice, and good roleplayers too, that I bet they would have been fine when they were 14 anyway. (Slappy, don't disabuse me of this notion please!)

[Edit: also, since I am old, these anecdotes are mainly from 1985-1995, and believe it or not, feminism has come a long way since then. Women scream louder about sexual harassment these days but, really, the problem is pretty much non-existent compared with 20 years ago. I remember when I was 14, in my first job, the restaurant manager thought it was hilarious that I was sexually assaulted by 5 of his kitchen staff on company property. These days, all of them- including the manager- would be in prison. The guys who are 14 today came of age in a social climate where mistreatment of women was a serious matter, not a joke, and probably behave a lot better than their fathers did.]

[This message has been edited by Sprite (edited March 01, 2002).]

 

I had that happen once in awhile when I was younger, but not enough to really piss me off.

There was this one time, however, (when I was pregnant, no less) when I met up with a bunch of old "friends" and we got together for a game. This was to be the first and last time my husband ever played. One of the other character secretly slipped my char a sleeping potion in her drink, and took her up to his room, against her will, and (graphically) did things to her that are illeagal in most states. Did I mention graphically? It was pretty profane and disturbing, and totally unrelated to the plot. Imagine a guy telling your preggers wife that he bends her prone body over and...well, we left. The DM said, "Well, his character IS chaotic neutral, he CAN do that, technically" That went way beyond role-playing. It was most upsetting. We were all in our early twenties, so age doesn't have much to do with it.

[This message has been edited by Damona Silvercloud (edited March 01, 2002).]

 

What disturbing stories. I am a guy and still cannot understand most guys. I have thought about this over the years and still cannot find any sense to it.

Sprite, I hope you stopped playing with those people. They are sick. I hope that they left their perverse fantasies in the roleplaying arena and did not try to act any out in real life.

Damona, I don't know how your husband reacted, but I would have kicked the shit out of the guy. Roleplaying rape? Sick. Being disrespectful like that is completely unacceptable. I don't advocate violence (in fact, I am very anti-violence), I just don't think I could have controlled myself.

 

Your right it is bad Jack and I probably would have hurt the guy who said it....but you said you don't understand guys?we are very simple now women....they are complex don't worry about understand guys when you can understand women.....you have a great gift.

 

Heh, I have actually never played any rpg online or any p&p games with friends...
I have only played bg2 by myself...

But I have joined several talkgroups that thinks that I am very...
uh..
Well, they didn't want me there.
Boys...
To the summer I will join a live rpg, a very big one in Götene.
It will be really fun!

 

My husband didn't try to control himself at all, I had to peel him off of the guy. The only thing that prevented a serious beating was the fact that I respected the family of the DM (whose house we were at), and his little sisters were in the house. I'm not too big on violence either, but I hesitated to stop it.

 

Sure there are no exaggerations above? I expect such things happen, but those sound pretty extreme. And not in a friendly, Croatian way.

I've had girls in every group I ever gamed with or DM'ed. And never did anything like what you guys mention happen. There wasn't even much intra-party flirting when two players were dating. No sex of any kind between characters or characters and NPCs, actually, although there were jokes made.

Damona, next time he sees him I hope your husband beats the tar out of that guy. And the DM, for that matter.

 

Well actually, I'm DMing my friends, partially because they are new at playing and probably wouldn't know a thing about DMing. I'm also in my brother's campaign, but they know that if they do anything inapropriete I would kick their ass. I am also in Baldak's online campaign. I think all those sick guys out there deserve a beating if they rape girls. It is sick in this world we live in...