SW: Attack of the Reviews!

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I've got two goodies here tonight. The first is a review from a newspaper journalist in NY. (The review hasn't been printed yet, but it is legit. We've had a slew of fake reviews the past week, so we've become good at checking up on people and weeding out the fake from the real reviews. This 1st review was re-typed, so forgive any spelling errors.)

***One more thing, both reviews give away nothing major, and only contain a few minor spoilers.

So here we are a review from a NY journalist who rated The Phantom Menace with a B- ...

Headline- Star Wars is back! And the force is with it!

To say The Phantom Menace was a bit of a disappointment would be an understatement. Thankfully George Lucas pulls all the right strings for the latest installment to the Star Wars saga-Episode II, Attack of the Clones.

This time around, Lucas has played it smart in hopes of building a better blockbuster. Lucas has hired on a co-writer, Jonathan Hales, to help brush up on the shoddy dialogue and characters that The Phantom Menace fell victim to. It is easily apparent that this paid off. Also, the marketing campaign for 'Clones' is almost non-existent compared to the enormous hype of The Phantom Menace. The absurdly high amount of Star Wars hype surrounding 'Menace' made it next to impossible to live up to it.

George Lucas has listened to the complaints of 'Menace' and built around them to create a movie that is enjoyable for a much wider demographic than 'Menace'. 'Clones' moves at light speed through a dazzling course of action, drama, and romance.

Attack of the Clones draws the viewer in right from the start, creating a very mysterious and tension filled atmosphere with the failed assassination attempt on Senator Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman). Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his Jedi apprentice, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), are assigned to protect the Senator. The movie takes off from there; twisting and turning through dramatic love scenes to dazzling action.

The dialogue is better, much better, than the flat, plot-based, dialogue of ‘Menace’. The high-octane speeder chase through the streets of Coruscant bristles with witty banter and tension. These drastically improved lines spice up the action and make it much more enjoyable and fun than ‘Menace’. However, there are shortcomings. The love scenes, while filled with beautiful landscapes and supplemented with a truly grand score composed by John Williams, just don’t seem to flow as smoothly as they should. The graceful atmosphere can’t overcome the stiff chemistry of Hayden Christiansen and Natalie Portman. George Lucas comes close to hitting the mark with the romance, but not quite all the way there.

While the love scenes fall a bit short, George Lucas handles the conflict amongst his characters extremely well. The heartbreak the audience feels for young Anakin Skywalker is handled in just the right way, reminiscent of the Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader conflict of the original movies. Hayden Christensen’s performance in these areas easily overshadows his flat love scenes.

Ewan McGregor is easily the standout performance of this movie. Every scene with Anakin is very well done, capturing the conflict between master and apprentice. Throughout the movie he remains calm and cool, delivering some truly memorable one-liners.

Natalie Portman delivers a good performance. Her performance is decent and builds her character enough to believable, but lacks a spark. She comes off too slightly set back, events happen that should dramatically effect her yet her flat performance somewhat diminishes them.

The special effects are truly stunning. ILM has created a visual masterpiece, one that highlights the action and greatly adds more life to the Star Wars feel. Although in some scenes they may seem a bit over-done, it still is a wonder to take them in. This time around they don’t clutter and distract the viewer like the effects from ‘Menace’. They create breathtaking environments, from the water world of Kamino to the barren rock world of Geonosis. The ending of ‘Clones’ is filled with so many astonishing CGI action sequences that viewers will literally gasp with amazement. The lightsaber duel features a surprise that Star Wars fans and casual viewers will delight in. Not to give it away but, the folks of ILM have turned a beloved character into a full-blown martial artist.

Overall Attack of the Clones is the movie to see this summer. The style is so decidedly slick, yet dark and dramatic. It is a vast step above ‘Menace’ and a vast step above the rest of the summer outlook so far. George Lucas has rediscovered his beloved franchise and taken us back to that galaxy far far away.


Official rating – B+

*****
OK here are some other ratings he gave to some other movies just for a comparison and to get a feel for what this guy likes and what he doesn't...

Amelie - A
A Beautiful Mind - A
Big Trouble - C
Blade II - C-
Changing Lanes - B
Clockstoppers - B
Crush - B
Frailty - A-
High Crimes - B-
Ice Age - B
Iris - B
Kissing Jessica Stein - A-
Jason X - F
Nation Lampoon's Van Wilder - D+
Panic Room - B-
LOTR - B+
The Scorpion King - C+
We Were Soldiers - A
***********************

Ok here's a few comments from me:
Yeah yeah start it off with how bad TPM was, ok ok you've had 3 years to complain (I don't agree with all the bad stuff about TPM but whatever) but now it's time to review AOTC, not TPM.

And I'm glad he liked it. A couple of notes: Lucas has worked with Hales before on the Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. 2nd, whereas Lucas listened to complaints about the marketing and toned down that some, I know that he didn't listen to complaints to change his story. He's telling his story like it is and good for him. When the reviewer talks about Padme's character not reacting how he thinks she should, I'm sure I know what scene he is talking about, and she is supposed to downplay her feelings. Well I can't really describe it now, so I'll leave it at that. Anyway, B+... not bad.

And 2nd I have a less professional review, but an honest one at that. The person got to see an andvaced screening and was not spoiled, had only seen the trailers. Here is their (excited) review...

"Well, im in awe! Tis quite possibly the very best battle in cinema history, the Clone war in this movie, I must say I've never seen anything like it before, the Clone war trailer showed only a tiny glimpse of the whole epic-scale war that took place in Aotc.

And the effects are actually much better then in the trailers, and they are much more realistic. Wow... that battle is the best thing i've ever seen. But its far from being the best scene in the movie, there were two particular scenes involving Anakin and the other involving Yoda that were just so intense, I was on the edge of my seat, and I dont think I blinked once during those scenes. Arg!!! It was so goooood!

Christopher Lee was amazing. His character is somewhat more intruiging than i'd thought, and he has some really good scenes. Infact he doesn't appear in the movie until rather late, but when he is onscreen, its electric. He owns this movie in my opinion, at least he owns all baddies. Jango then, is a great character, and as well, much grander than i'd thought, you'll forget Darth Maul in mere seconds. Boba is also actually good, which was a nice surprise, and his relationship with Jango was great. Jango and Obi-Wan have some stunning scenes, including the scene where Obi meets him in his appartment. Its all good. No, its all really really good. Anyway, Palpatine is always Palpatine, and as such is fantastic. Zam has a little surprise up her sleeve as well. The actors all do a really good job here, they're generally more inspired then in Episode1, especially Padmé, she's great here. Anakin is ofcourse the focus of everyone's attention, and I must say that he's actually really bloody great! He does one particular scene ( the one I mentioned earlier ) really nicely, and is genuinuly convincing. Obi-Wan's role is fantastic, and his character is really the one I liked the most in the movie. Ewan is awesome ofcourse.

There are some Cg characters in the movie, all of which are great. Especially this one dude called Dexter, he's got four arms, and is really cool. Yes, its much more darker then Episode 1, infact i'd say its darkness matches that of A new hope. Its also a whole 10 minutes longer then Episode 1, which I was glad to see, because the longer the better. Not much more I can really say, except that I loved it beyond reason, and that it's probably the best thing i've ever seen. It is Spectacularly spectacular. And Empire strikes back fades down to nothing. I am in a state of such happiness right now... I think i'll go and um... sleep, and hope that I dream the whole movie. ROCKIN!!"

*********
My comments

Somebody get that boy an oxygen mask!
(He typed this review about an hour and half after seeing the movie)
Of course the best movie ever part is an exageration (Empire fades to nothing? Err not quite. No matter how good AOTC is, I would never say it makes Empire fade to nothing. There shouldn't be any rivarly between the films anyway, it's all one big story), and I'm sure he'll come back down to earth tomorrow, but you see what I've been raving about all these months? I pity the fool who thinks this Star Wars movie will suck.

Hopefully more reviews to come in the future...

 

Big B, can I suggest you something?

Go rent a Mel Brooks movie called "Space Balls". I bet you'll love it. It is an oldie, but...

[EDIT]
Tal, everybody? I wouldn't be so sure about that. Especially in case of Big B.

[This message has been edited by Extremist (edited May 02, 2002).]

 

Obviously that guy doesn't know what quality cinima should look like? Let me ask you ... how are we better entertained than when Jason comes back from outer space and attacks teenage space station flunkies?? ("What's that on his face ... it appears to be some sort of carbon based breathing apperatus. No, wait. . . its a 20th Century hockey mask!" "Its alright, we're okay, he just forgot his machettee." )

Van Wilder is another soon-to-be classic. Starring "Berg" from Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place, this movie has lots of quotable one liners and (so the previews suggest) some grade A nudity. "Ask not what your college can do for you, but who you can do at your college."

If those are F & D+ movies, then Star Wars' B+ must be wonderful indeed!!!!

 

At the SW side of this topic, I have nothing to say except that I am as enthusiastic as Big B if not more (dont know if that is possible though)

The reviewer intrigued me all the movies he had given an A except Amelie got really lousy reviews by all swedish reviewers. For instance they called A beautiful mind sentimantal drabble with some good acting. Not to mention the very big chainsaw they plucked out when reviewing we were soldiers. Nationality does seem to affect what kind of movies reviewers like. Interesting.

 

Joacquin - Yeah, nationality affects the reviewers, but this is just a result of different types of films appealing to different people in different countries... I'm sure that many of us have seen films which are "Box Office Smashes" in one country, and found them to be dull, or to get slammed by our own critics.

 

All I have to say is....TWO WEEKS BAY-BEEE!
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Anakin seems like a stick figure in most of the scenes I've seen - no voice inflexion, rigid movement, and boringly stiff. Other than that...I AM FIRED UP!!!! :cyclops:

 

"Space Balls" was good, but I think "History of the World" and "Blazing Saddles" are Mel's best Just in case you north american Star Wars fans don't know, the Fox network is playing " Return of the Jedi" tonight and their will be a new trailer for "Attack of the Clones"

 

Scorpion King was twerrible it should be a D- or D+. The Rock is a terrible acter. Im surprised he didnt say " do you smell what the rock is cooken". He barely even talked he has some unusual obsession with moving his eyebrows. In the beggining he cleared a room of bad guys than he said "Boo" and everyone ran.

 

So, another couple of halfway good reviews for Episode2. About the only hype I've seen is on the internet; course, I don't watch much tv or get many magazines...

I think the one thing that is for certain is that it will be much better than Episode1. The fact that he hired a writer to clean up his hen-scratchings says quite a bit.

 

Maybe you've seen this already, if not you might enjoy (EDIT --SPOILERS, thanks Big B, didn't think about it, I haven't even read it yet myself, I was sent it and told it was nice, remembered that a lot of people here were fans....):
http://www.hometheaterforum.com/sneak/clones.html

[This message has been edited by Laches (edited May 04, 2002).]

 

Laches, SPOILERS. There are a couple, you have to warn people.

Comments coming...

EDIT: Ok, yes it's a great review, and a perfect example of a person who was surprised that it was so good. Somebody from the crowd who got to see it in that theater in NY with 1000 people said that when it was over he did not see one single person who wasn't smiling or even grinning from ear to ear.

I've read some other semi-spoiler reviews, and it's cool because there is no one thing that everybody hates. Nothing's perfect and almost everyone can find something they wish was changed or wasn't there, but this time there is no one definative thing that the majority of folks could hate (i.e. Jar Jar and young Anakin in the last film).

A few have said Portman's acting could have been better, while others have said they love it. And I've heard more bad about C-3PO than I have Jar Jar. Some people like what happens to C-3PO, and others don't. Personally, I think what happens to C-3PO in this one is absolutely HILARIOUS, topping him thinking he killed all the heroes in the trash compactor in ANH, topping him getting blown to pieces and strapped on Chewie's back in ESB, topping him becoming Jabba's protocol droid and king of the ewoks in ROTJ, and topping him calling Jar Jar "rather odd" in TPM. It's C-3PO's best moment so far I think.

My only other beef with the hometheater review, is that he thought the scene with Yoda training the kids in the Jedi Temple was "useless". Nonsense, I am really looking forward to that scene. Obi-Wan's investigation would be grounded to a halt were it not for the help of Yoda and the "younglings" . And knowing that all the Jedi will become hunted down and killed, and seeing these innocent kids...well you know, it makes it more powerful.

I'm waiting for some of the bigger name reviewers... Keep checking back for edits.


[This message has been edited by Big B (edited May 04, 2002).]

 

Two more sites and three revies I was sent and breifly scanned; one site has a review with no spoilers and the other allows you to choose between a review with spoilers and one without, it's up to you:
http://www.countingdown.com/movies/jerseygirl/movieinfo/story?item_id=718431
http://www.pstwo.net/

 

Yeah all three are good, but be aware that the spoiler versions of Mike and Joel's reviews spoil bigtime.

I've talked to Mike via pm and he answered a few questions of mine. It was so great to talk to someone who had witnessed this film in all its glory. I find it amusing that both Mike and Joel (projectionists and brothers) both think it's absolute torture that they have to wait another two weeks before seeing this movie again.

EDIT: I finally found a negative review, lukewarm at best. But I wouldn't put too much weight in these guys' opinion seeing as how they can't spell the main characters' names (i.e. Lea, Hans Solo, Amadila, and Obi-Won ) not to mention the fact they are Trekkies . They also gave LOTR a scathing review.

They explain their "dissapointment", but I've seen it all before; it's called original trilogy nostalgia syndrome, where everything after 1980 "lacks heart". Here it is.

[This message has been edited by Big B (edited May 04, 2002).]

 

Hehe i just came on here to tease you all!
As you may know, Star wars 2/5 is to have Global release on the 16th of May. I live in England and i am off to the first showing at five past midnight......But because England is ahead of America it means that i get to see the movie before any normal American! Yes! In your Face Yankees

 

Laugh it up fuzzball!

I'll be seeing it Saturday, May 18.

I've got two more reviews for now. Both are minor spoilers, outlining basic plot:
1) The Trades and 2) Box Office Prophets .

They mention that they like the last half of the film better than the first. Oh well, I'm going to like all of it. I think some people just have a bias against Coruscant and Naboo and anything that happens on these planets. But definitely Tatooine, Kamino, and Geonosis will appeal to everyone.

And the guy in the first one mentions bad CG, but no one else has. Maybe he saw a rough cut? Or just needs glasses. Regardless, he gives it a B+.

 

Lord of the Rings a B+? Starwars a B... this is stupid... An A for Amelie? Big B, you are right.... this reviewer sucks... well at least he has a different view on things then I do... Probably he doesn't like fantasy/SF.

 

The new question is ... will it beat the opening box office that Spiderman had???

Spidey brought in $114 million (iirc) opening in over 3600 theaters.

AOTC is only opening in 3000 theaters, but has more advanced ticket sales than any other movie to date (blowing out Harry Potter, the former champ).

Long Term ... I think Star Wars will gross more than Spiderman (how many spidey fans will see the movie 10-20 times like the Star Wars folk will???) Opening weekend ... I don't know ...

(Star Wars is only opening in 3,000 theaters because Lucas is picky! They will only show the theater if 1) The promise to run it for at least a week solid; 2) They have a digital sound system - the only exception being small towns that have no digital theaters)

 

Well I'm more interested in how much my brother and I will like this movie than the B.O., but here's my prediction.

Attack of the Clones will not make as much as Spider-Man did in it's first three days (Spider-Man was Fri-Sun, while AOTC is Thur-Sat.) and yes George Lucas does set a high standard for the movies, and he has the right to if he wants. Therefore the media will parade around and mention this "apparent failure of SW to meet the B.O. challenge" until everyone gets sick of it. But AOTC will be seen the most this summer, and will make the most because of it. I've read about 20 reviews from fan boys, to jaded industry members, to the one I'm about to post to now, and I'd say 2 of those reviews did not mention wanting to go see the movie again. All the others mentioned they wanted to see it again, and at least 10 of those were "dying to see it again". It's going to be a great movie. One projectionist gave up seeing the premiere of Spider-Man so he could stay online and chat to us about how much he loved the movie.

I wish there wouldn't be this stupid competition, but leave it up to the media to stir things up.

And now I have the review I've been waiting for... Entertainment Weekly's laughable review. More laughable than I had even expected. C+ grade, hardly mentions a single positive thing about the movie, obviously biased and anti-George Lucas, and written to stir up some press. And I qoute "it's clammy with sweat stains of effort". LMAO! Critics crack me up sometimes.

Then they posted a great line of diaglogue that is cool if you don't know it's coming. As well as a few other spoilers. So if you DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DON'T READ it.

What really gets me, is that twenty years ago, the media loved to bash the original trilogy. And now, they praise the OT so that they can bash the prequels. Most crictics will never understand Star Wars fandom and I don't know if they think they can undermine it with their scathing reviews or not, but it's not working.

I'd say the best part of this review is the talkbacks. Here's what I said:

"Thank you for posting that degrading, slap-in-the-face review. Be ready to get one right back. People are going to love this movie. Nice try, but no."

Here's what another talkbacker said that had me rolling in the floor:

"OK guys lets let Lisa have her rant. Its obvious she just got dumped by a dude who was a STAR WARS fan. Now now Lisa, it's gonna be ok, go sit on the couch and watch City of Angels and eat some cookie dough ice cream."

Here's the "review" .

Hey does a review count if the author made up their mind all along they were going to write a hideously negative one?

A stormtrooper once said it best:
"Move along, move along."

PS. Entertainment Weekly's grade for TPM was a B-. LMAO! They rated AOTC less than TPM.



[This message has been edited by Big B (edited May 08, 2002).]

 

Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times: "[A] technological exercise that lacks juice and delight. The title is more appropriate than it should be."

A.O. Scott, New York Times: "[A] chance for gifted actors to be handsomely paid for delivering the worst line readings of their careers."

David Ansen, Newsweek: "The enterprise is showing its age. The movie feels long, and...the storytelling feels stiff in the joints."

Gripes Ebert: "There is not a romantic word they exchange that has not long since been reduced to cliché."

Says Kirk Honeycutt in the Hollywood Reporter: "Portman delivers lines in an unconvincing and often abrupt manner. Christensen, too, makes a dull romantic lead."

Among major critics, Richard Corliss of Time and Peter Travers of Rolling Stone have had nice things to say. Corliss says the movie "seems poised to get the series back on track." Travers rates it as the third-best Star Wars flick, which is pretty high praise considering his first two picks are the near-impossible-to-top The Empire Strikes Back and the original film.

Even among the cranks, Ewan McGregor, in his second outing as the pre-Alec Guinness Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Yoda--yes, Yoda--got good notices. (Writes Corliss, tellingly: "Yoda is the real action hero of the film.")