for all those who wish to discuss relationships and love lost

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I know, my advice seemed to be cruel but it really wasn't meant to be cruel. Many years ago i loved a boy and he didn't loved me at all. Because i wasn't wearing the right clothes (!!!). Well i was deep in love for 5 years and made a lot of poems and short stories. Some of them were published in Germany and one could buy them in bookstores.
Today i think it's good i'm not married to that stupid idiot. And i can't understand why i ever thought he was that wonderful.
Years later i had a boyfriend who was changing his habits when we decided to live together. He liked to hit me, and told me i had to learn to defend myself (he had been a boxer before). He drank a lot, was jealous like hell and betrayed me with several women. After 5 years (!) i decided to leave him. He was very sad about that and i feared everyday he might commit suicide. After a 3/4 year a policeman came to tell me he died. Not because of suicide but because of pulmonary embolism. I went to the flat where we had lived together, and there were still the remains of his interrupted breakfast, A half eaten slice of marmelade bread and a half cup of coffee. That nearly broke my heart. I also went to see him, his body was at the hospital i worked in. He looked so blue and his head had grown so thick. before he took breakfast he had just been taking some LSD. His dead must have been horrible. That story nearly broke my heart, because i thought if it wouldn't have been better to stay with him, though he was terror. At the funeral i met all the girls he had beside me. Which was kind of absurd.
And above that i had a new boyfriend when my old boyfriend died and he told me, he couldn't stand my being sad about the dead of the other one. So he left me.
And above that i was just in the middle of my nursing exam and i passed it though, but my last mark wasn't very good.
I made a lot of songs about this. And now it's just an old story for me.

 

Having a good cry can sometimes help but it can cause you more pain too. To forget him get another g/boyfriend who will make you happier.

 

That is easier said than done you know. I think that if you have lost someone and you don't have anyone to comfort you then you should sit down and think about all the good (and bad ) things you can remember about the one you've lost and by the time you won't be able to think anything else you will get over it. (This is a tested method, I have tried it myself)

 

Be creative write a story, post it on the forums then you will be keeping yourself busy, entertained and helping the SP community

 

well i'm finally back thank you all for being so kind and opening up! i thought i at least owed you a reply its been a month and a week and guess what happened on thursday she called me and in tears told me that she made a horrible mistake and was so sorry for hurting me so i spent a day with her on her boat and we are back together though i am finding it hard to trust her with my still tender herat so soon. you are all for the most part right. i took the stay busy and spend time with friends aproach. and yes it does make you stronger. i'm slightly harder and colder now but at the same time stronger and better in everything. these stories you have are all so sad and i feel for each one. i read all of them and will continue to do so. good luck with your relationships. everybody deserves the love of another.

Cheers
Brett

 

Well, I am of the no-one has ever loved me and probably never will-club. The nearest thing to romantic love I have ever felt is this massive crush on one of my teachers, that has gone well over an year now... I mean, ever since I first saw him I guess I loved him... and I still do. After I failed last year in school by being a major moron and skippin class (Quite often for the benefit of SP, so I did not waste time but still...) and now I simply cannot bring myself to face him. This year, I have only seen him once and it hurt like Hell... I fear him and I love him... and there is no way in Hell anything could ever happen. Life isn't fanfic, teachers don't fall for students.

I am so incredibly lonely that I keep crying all the time and being a bitch to everyone foolish enough to annoy me... I have tried cutting myself but it doesn't help at all...

Urk... I sound pathetic... please excuse me this moment of angst.

Ara
(World hates me and I gate the world...SP excluded)

 

I know! Love sucks! It'll be really good for the first few days but in the end the always break your heart! I was talking to this boy and he said he loved me. He said loads of nice things and I started to really like him and it terned out to be his sister! I could of thrown the computer out of the window! Infact I nearly did!!!!

 

Arabwel - your post scared me. You never said your age, but I assume from what you write that you are a teenager?

I have been a teenager too, and I remember very well how it felt, and I'm now the mother of two teenagers who are going through the same thing, so please let me try to give you some advice.

I know what it's like, to feel that nobody will ever love you, because you're too ugly or too bad or too fat or whatever reason you feel it is. The feeling can be very strong, and it can launch you into a depression. You are not the only one who feels this way - in fact most young people do, at one time or another - even those who seem to be perfect with many boy/girlfriends and good looks. It is actually caused by all the hormones that run berserk in all teenagers. But for some, the depression can grow deeper and last longer than usual, and then it is a good thing to get some help - find someone you can talk to. When the feelings grow so strong as they have done with you, it's time to get help. Saying it here on the boards is a very good start, but you should also have someone there with you.

Perhaps you don't feel you want to talk to your friends about this, and probably not your parents either, (although I would wish my children would do that,) but aren't there anybody else you can confide in? I'm thinking about people whose profession it is to help people - they have professional secrecy and won't tell anybody. Is there an adviser or some such at your school, or can you confide in your doctor or public health nurse? Perhaps you might even get a little medical aid to lighten your depression if necessary?

You should not go through this all alone, especially when you have come to the point where you have started cutting yourself. Cutting yourself is NOT good, and it won't help at all, as you've already found out. It's dangerous to start hurting yourself, because it can lead to more serious self-molestation and self-loathing, which can be extremely destructive. Don't go down that spiral.

Please, Arabwel, try to find someone you can trust to talk to about these things, and please stop hurting yourself. Perhaps this will not feel like comfort to you, but these feelings you have will pass - it may take some years, but they will pass as you mature. And I'm certain that someday a fine young man will fall in love with you. Maybe not tomorrow, but someday. You still have long to live, and many people to meet.

If you should like to talk privately to me for more support outside this forum, you can do so by sending me a private pm, and we'll take it from there.

 

When i (little depressive teenager) cut myself it was good. I didn't want to kill myself but live was getting so unreal. i just wanted to know if i'm living. As i saw the blood i knew i was living.
But it's visible until now and sometimes i feel like a member of the famous "club of depressives that didn't committed suicide".
And there where times when nobody liked me at school. I noticed, that only some people didn't liked me. Those where the stupid ones.
Well if your a bit different it's harder. But in the end it's better to be a bit different, you'll be quite interesting.
Live can be fun.

 

Prince of hearts:

You must know all too well already the process that follows a broken love...

But you have choices, and love's primary objective is to give and care life, not to take it away.

You can go to Hell and back but you will never get anything useful from it; you can go to get drunk and the same will result; you can kill your X-love, but you'll be a mthrfckr and probably you didn't deserve to love in that case; you can do many things.. but probably all wrong because of pain and despair.

Like someone said before: "Let it be, if it was yours it will come back; if not, it never was".

YOU MUST LEARN TO LOVE AGAIN!... Or you'll be facing real Hell (and I DO MEAN REAL) when you look upon yourself in a future, cursing yourself for severing love from your life, condemning yourself to loneliness in times when you need love most... only to hate you because you broke love after your experience you killed love right out by convenience. You'll kill the one and only person you should have loved all along no matter what happens.. you... and in the process you kill someone else's love as well.

Learning to forgive is sometimes learning to forget... only to remember again not with grief or your eyes wet.

I know about losing love maybe too well... my father abandoned me when I was 7, I was forced to live alone for abour four years after an accident with my "friends" not even mentioning my name afterwards, I have had my grandfather's corpse in my hands... both of my grandfathers, I have had my pets sacrificed in front of me (the ONLY beings alive in the face of this planet at that time that cared something for me), I have seen at least 300 people die in front of me powerless to save them (México City 1985)... children and elderly included.

And in the end love is all that matters, think of what you really love and give it a moment to think upon your present state and you maybe will understand that love is what drive's us alive.

 

Thank you, Blue... I am already seeing a professional, am taking meds and live in a controlled enviroment in a group home. And it doesn't help a whit. The place I live is is such Hell that it just adds to my pain... but in theory I will get out of there pretty soon... And, I have wonderful people like my sister to talk to...

But still, it hurts.

Ara
(Not having slept enough to be coherent)

 

*pats Ara on the back*

That is all.

 

Arabwel, I'm glad to hear you're getting help and don't have to go through this alone, although you may not feel it helps much. I'm also glad you have people like your sister and those here on SP to talk to, and it's nice to see lighthearted posts from you on other threads. Keeping up the spirit is good.
Sending you a big hug from me.

[ August 22, 2002, 21:16: Message edited by: Blue ]

 

Um.....what do you do if you see your girlfriend get off with her ex? It's just that....daaaamn.