POLL: Beer or Women

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sex is over rated, beer on the otherhand will always make you feel good and warm, it doesnt complain, it always gives good head, it cant get jealous... what else do you need?

 

Hmmm I wish I had bought that poster. only had enough money for a CD or the poster.. and I really wanted the cd.


What a shame

 

I prefer women hands down or hands up or wherever they want my hands. But the best is a woman after you both have a few beers.

 

Reasons why beer is better than women:

A beer always goes down easy.
A beer chaser is easier to catch.
A beer does not come with inlaws.
A beer doesn't care if you play games with it.
A beer doesn't care when you come.
A beer doesn't expect an hour of foreplay before satisfying you.
A beer doesn't get angry if you get another beer.
A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

A beer doesn't make you sleep on the couch after you've taken six other beers on a picnic.
A beer gets lighter the longer you hold it.
A beer goes down easy.
A beer is always satisfying.
A beer is always wet.
A beer is there when you need it the most.
A beer looks as good in the morning as it did when the bar closed.
A beer never bugs you to have little beers.
A beer never wants to stay up afterwards talking about respect.
A beer will never leave a party early.
A beer will wait in the car while you go and play football.

A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.
A beer won't get upset if you come home with another beer.
A beer won't get upset when you come home with beer on your breath.
A beer won't mind if you have another beer.
A beer won't slap you in the face for putting it between your legs at a drive-in movie.
A beer won't tell you its pregnant for fun.
A frigid beer is a good beer.

A tree is good enough for a beer.
After a beer, the bottle is still worth a nickle.
After you have a beer, you are committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle.
After you have had a beer, the bottle is worth 5 cents.
After you've put your lips to a beer, a beer never asks, What are you doing?
Afterwards, a beer won't feel guilty, cry, propose, call her mother, your ex-wife or her therapist.

All you have to do to get over a beer is take a leak.
Beer always listens and never argues.
Beer and "ice" don't mix.
Beer can't give you herpes or other nasty things.
Beer doesn't bleed.
Beer doesn't care how much you earn.
Beer doesn't care if you go to sleep right after you've had it.
Beer doesn't care if you leave the toilet seat up.
Beer doesn't complain about farting.
Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
Beer doesn't cry if you don't talk to it for a week.

Beer doesn't demand equality.
Beer doesn't demand legality.
Beer doesn't get cramps.
Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
Beer doesn't grow hair where it shouldn't.
Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
Beer doesn't have a mother.
Beer doesn't have morals.
Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that is left.
Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
Beer doesn't mind if you have your hands on it.
Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris or Charles Bronson flicks.
Beer doesn't need a ring.

Beer doesn't need much closet space.
Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
Beer doesn't start crying for nothing.
Beer doesn't take much time to shop for.
Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.

Oh, do tell if you want to hear the other part...

[ February 27, 2003, 21:11: Message edited by: Virne ]

 

Well to give the beer a better chance -

Beer vs. Cucumbers
Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers
You can't get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat.
Beer bottles don't get sprayed with pesticides.
Beer bottles don't shrivel up and grow moldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month.
Beer is always in season.
Beer removes unsightly flab and wrinkles (on the person you're looking at, if you drink enough of it
Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't work.
Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Beer
Cucumbers won't give you a hangover.
Cucumbers have fewer calories.
Your spouse won't complain about you sitting around all day watching TV and eating cucumbers.
You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment.
Your spouse won't complain that your breath stinks of cucumbers.
You can eat as many cucumbers as you like, and drive home later.
You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.
Having your face slashed with a cucumber doesn't hurt (much).
You can eat the whole cucumber, skin 'n' all.
A cucumber won't shatter if you drop it on the ground.
You can shake up a cucumber, and it won't explode when you bite it.
You don't have to worry about getting cucumber stains on your clothes.

and rather than reasons for beer being better than women, (or cucumbers being better than men) here is -

Why Coffee is Better than Men
You don't have to put cream in your coffee to make it taste good.
Coffee doesn't complain when you put whipped cream in it.
A cup of coffee looks good in the morning.
You won't fall asleep after a cup of coffee.
You can always warm coffee up.
Coffee comes with endless refills.
Coffee is cheaper.
You won't get arrested for ordering coffee at 3am.
Coffee never runs out.
Coffee is out of your system by tomorrow morning.
You can take black coffee home to meet your parents.
You can make coffee as sweet as you want.
You can smoke while drinking coffee.
You can put out a cigarette in a cup of coffee.
Coffee smells and tastes good.
You don't have to put vinegar in your coffee.
If your coffee pot leaks, you can use a regular paper towel.
You can always get fresh coffee.
You can turn the pot on, leave the room, and it'll be hot when you get back.
They sell coffee at police stations.
You can always ditch a bad cup of coffee.
Coffee goes down easier.
If you put chocolate in your coffee, it doesn't put on weight.
No matter how ugly you are, you can always get a cup of coffee.
A big cup or small cup? It doesn't matter.
Your coffee doesn't talk to you.
Coffee smells good in the morning.
Coffee is good when it's cold too.
Coffee stains are easier to remove.
Coffee doesn't care when you dunk things in it.
Coffee doesn't care what kind of mood you're in.
Coffee doesn't shed.
Coffee is ready in 15 minutes or less.
You can't get a cup of coffee pregnant by putting cream in it.
Coffee doesn't mind being ground.
No matter how bad coffee is, you can always make it better.
Coffee doesn't have a time of the month... it's good all the time.
When coffee gets old, you can throw it away.
When you have a coffee, you don't end up with a pube in the back of your throat.
Coffee doesn't take up half your bed.
Coffee doesn't mind if you wake up at 3am and decide to have a cup.
INSTANT COFFEE!
You can have an intelligent conversation with coffee.
It can take up to 2 weeks for coffee to grow mould.
Your coffee won't be jealous of a larger cup.



Now one of my favourites:

Differences Between Men and Women
One basic truth: men and women are different.

Now, this may seem a little simplistic, but the fact is, for a period of about six months in 1973, it was very fashionable to believe that we were all persons first, and members of our gender second.

This, of course, was complete rubbish.

We are different -- in our habits, and in the way we react to environmental stimuli and the way we spend our leisure time; and we are especially different when it comes to our attitudes regarding relationships.

My personal observations have uncovered many significant differences between men and women.

RELATIONSHIPS
First of all, a man does not call it a relationship. He refers to it as romance, or a period of dating, of going out, or, in some unfortunate circumstances, "that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis." When a relationship ends, a woman will cry, and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled "All Men are Idiots." Then she will get on with her life.
A man has a little more trouble letting go. For six months, his ex may not hear from him, but then, at three on Saturday night/Sunday morning, he will call and say, "I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total floozy. But I want to let you know there's always a chance for us."

This is known as the "I Hate You/I Love You" drunken phone call. Ninety-nine percent of all men past the age of 21 have made this call at least once. Some men make a career of these calls. There are community colleges that offer extension courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective.


HANDWRITING
To their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chickenscratch. Women use scented, colored stationary, and they dot their "i's" with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their "p's" and "g's." It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman. Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note.

BATHROOMS
A man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of soap and a towel. The average number of items in a typical women's bathroom is 237. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

GOING OUT
When a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready, as soon as she makes one phone call and finds her other earring.

SHOES
When preparing for work, a woman will slip on casual shoes. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day.

MIRRORS
Men are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface, mirrors, spoons, shop windows, toasters.

THE TELEPHONE
Men see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.

LOW BLOWS
Let's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the figures is felled by a low blow. The woman says, "That must hurt." The man doubles over and actually feels the pain.

DIRECTIONS
If a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a garage and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, "Looks like I've found a new way to get there." and, "I know I'm in the general neighbourhood. I recognize that Tescos."

ADMITTING MISTAKES
Women will sometimes admit making a mistake, but they usually try make it look like it was the mans fault. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the rubbish, answer the phone, read a book, get the post. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.

TOYS
Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men never grow out of their obsession with toys. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive and silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TV's. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate.

LAUNDRY
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were really hip about eight years ago, before he will do the laundry. When he is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty tracksuit inside out, rent a truck and take his mountain of dirty clothes to the Launderette.

SOCKS
Men are sensible about socks. They wear argyle socks or standard white sweatsocks. Women wear strange socks. Socks with pictures of clouds on them. Socks that are cut way below their ankles. Socks that have little fuzzy balls on the back.

GARAGES
Women use garages to park their cars and store their lawnmowers. Men use garages for many things. They hang license plates in garages, and they watch TV in garages, and they build useless lopsided benches in garages.

 

Virne obviously has the poster...

Lazy bonzo LOL! very funny!

 

Wow! Lay off the coffee. Either that or you have to much time on your hands. What have you guys done? I've seen your lists before and the women have their own version. I'm getting out of the way now...

 

4 more,

62 reasons why cucumbers are better than men

The average cucumber is at least six inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. A cucumber won't tell you size don't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get TOO excited.
5. A cucumber never suffers from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle cucumbers in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room and ... you won't have to check in as 'Mrs. Cucumber'.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. If you can go to the movie with a cucumber and see the movie at a drive in you can stay in the front seat.
12. A cucumber can always wait until you get home.
13. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn.
14. A cucumber won't drag you out to a John Wayne Film Festival.
15. A cucumber won't ask: 'Am I first?'
16. Cucumbers don't care whether you're a virgin.
17. Cucumbers won't tell other cucumbers you're a virgin.
18. Cucumbers won't tell anyone you're not a virgin.
19. With cucumbers, you don't have to be a virgin more than once.
20. Cucumbers won't write your name and number on men's room wall.
21. Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
22. Cucumbers won't ask: 'Am I the best', 'How was it?' 'Did you come?', 'How many times?'
23. Cucumbers aren't jealous of your gynecologist, ski instructor or hair dresser.
24. Cucumbers won't ask about your last lover or speculate about your next one.
25. A cucumber will never make a scene because there are other cucumbers in the refrigerator.
26. A cucumber won't mind hiding in the refrigerator when your mother comes over.
27. No matter how old you are you can always get a fresh cucumber.
28. You can dish a cucumber up for dinner to your Brother-in law
& Sister, after ****ing it.
29. Cucumbers can handle rejection.
30. A cucumber won't pout if you have a headache.
31. A cucumber won't care what time of the month it is.
32. A cucumber never wants to get it on when your nails are wet.
33. A cucumber won't give it up for lent.
34. With a cucumber, you never have to say you're sorry.
35. Cucumbers won't leave whisker burns, fall asleep on your chest or drool on the pillow.
36. A cucumber will never give you a hickey.
37. Cucumbers can stay up ALL night and you won't have to sleep
in the wet spot.
38. A cucumber won't work your crossword in ink.
39. A cucumber isn't allergic to your cat.
40. Cucumbers never answer your phone or borrow your car.
41. A cucumber won't eat all your food or drink all your liquor.
42. A cucumber doesn't turn your bathroom into a library.
43. Cucumbers won't go through your medicine chest.
44. A cucumber doesn't use your toothbrush, roll-on or hairspray.
45. Cucumbers won't leave dirty shorts on the floor.
46. A cucumber never forgets to flush the toilet.
47. A cucumber doesn't flush the toilet while you're in the shower.
48. With a cucumber, the toilet seat is always the way you left it.
49. Cucumbers don't compare you to a centerfold.
50. Cucumbers won't tell you they liked you better with long hair.
51. A cucumber will never leave you for another man, another woman or another cucumber.
52. You will always know where your cucumber has been.
53. A cucumber never has to call 'the wife'.
54. Cucumbers won't tell you a vasectomy will ruin it for them.
55. You can have as many cucumbers as you can handle.
56. You only eat cucumbers when you feel like it.
57. You don't have to wait for halftime to talk to your cucumber.
58. A cucumber won't leave town on New Years Eve.
59. Cucumbers never want to take you home to mom.
60. Cucumbers never expect you to have little cucumbers.
61. It's easy to drop a cucumber.
62. A cucumber will never contest a divorce, demand a property settlement or seek custody of anything.

AND

Women's Guide to Men
Men are what women marry. Most have two arms, two legs, a large ego and sometimes two wives. They can be divided into three categories, bachelors ,husbands and widowers. Each category can be subdivided into prizes, surprises, consolations and dead losses, the last group being the most common.
If you flatter them, they get frightened, if you don't, they get bored. If you allow them to make love to you in the beginning, they get bored with you in the end. If you don't allow them to make love to you, they get bored in the beginning.

If you argue with them, you will lose your charm. If you don't argue with them, they will stop trying to charm you. If you are outgoing and popular with other men, they think you are a tart. If you are not an extrovert they ignore you.

Finally, to kiss a man, you must be prepared to kiss a rum scented brillo pad used to clean ashtrays.

AND

Facts About Men
Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.
Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwartzkopf.
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."
Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right," if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
When four or more women get together, they talk about men.
Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.
Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"
If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."
Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super- heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.
Men forget everything; women remember everything.
That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've already forgotten what happened.


AND FINALLY

Why dogs are better than men
Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Dogs miss you when you're gone.
You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
Dogs don't criticize your friends.
Dogs admit when they're jealous.
Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together.
Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
You can train a dog.
Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
Dogs understand what "no" means.
Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
You can house train a dog.
You can force a dog to take a bath.
Dogs don't correct your stories.
Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
Dogs admit it when they're lost.
Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
Dogs take care of their own needs.
Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
Dogs are nice to your relatives.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How dogs and men are the same
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women.s crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.


Why men are better than dogs
Men only have two feet to track in mud.
Men can buy you presents.
Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
Men are a little bit more subtle.
Men open their own cans.
Dogs have dog breath all the time.
Men can do math stuff.
Holiday Inns accept men.


BTW obviously i didnt make up any of these (if that's what Charlie was getting at ) These are all just lifted from websites, which had either lifted them from other websites or email forwards <- this is what constitutes an 'original' web page [j/king]

 

LOL!!!

 

I know it wasn't made up. That was the list I was waiting for. BTW, Are you female or are you male who beat a female to posting that list?

 

I'm male.

 

I thought so. Just wanted to make sure. It's good you posted that before a female did. Makes me feel better.

 

Why women think that computers are males:

1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
2. A better model is always just around the corner.
3. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
4. It is always necessary to have a backup.
5. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
6. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
7. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
8. The lights are on but nobody's home.
9. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
10. Size does matter

Why men think that computers are females:

1. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.
2. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
4. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
5. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
6. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your wages on accessories for it.

 

Both. Mostly it's the reason why I drink beer now. Although if the beer was Abbaie de Leffe or Saint Landelin the other possibility would have to be really appealling. However, a fair maiden with conversonational skills and actually having something to say is the best alcoholic drink possible.