When I Have Kids

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Well I actually don't want to have kids, but if I did, I might do something like this. And those of you who have kids or are about to, you might want to try this. Kids learn to talk from their parents. So I would talk wrong in front of them. Imagine how funny that would be when they start school?

 

There's a short story about someone who did that to their kid by Paul Jennings. I can't remember what it was called but the unfortunate parent got burnt to death because of it

 

The story was that the guy taught his kid to say all the opposites to things eg: yes for no, tea for coffee. So when the house was on fire and the firemen asked the kid was anyone inside, she said no and he burnt to death.

 

Did you honestly think that I would pass up a chance to post in a thread about kids? Hehehehe.
I've found that young kids--Really young kids, under the age of 1--Know a lot more of what we say than adults tend to give them credit for. They usually pick up on things from when you talk to other people, not from when you specifically are trying to teach them, so rest assured that anything you say too often will be repeated. I tend to answer most of my two girls' babbling with 'Yeah' and now my youngest has turned into a little myna bird. 'Yeah, yeah, yeah' all the time. It's *almost* annoying if it wasn't so cute.

 

They do pick up everything. When I drive, I don't swear, but normally the people who cut me off are called "IDIOTS!"

Yesterday my daughter points to a picture of a kid in a car we saw in a magazine, looked at her and yell "IDIOT!"

 

My first thought at seeing this threadtitle:

When I have kids, I will take two. So I can smash their heads together when they're annoying!

It loses a lot of it's charm in the translation

 

Aww, that's adorable.

 

Be really evil - teach them Drow and fantasy languages before English

 

@Math: LOL! My little boy does the same thing, but my phrase is "stupid people!" How old is your daughter? My little boy is almost 3.

BTW, Steve Martin had this concept - talking wrong around kids - in a standup routine ages ago. I'd wax more eloquent about children and speech if said toddler weren't demanding a lot of attention right now...

 

Steve Martin's version of may I go to the bathroom:

"May I mambo dogface to the banana patch?"

[ February 25, 2003, 02:44: Message edited by: scarampella ]

 

Steve Martin is the best. I had forgotten all about that routine since you guys started talking about it. I pulled out the old LP I had of his routine. My god, I was in tears and on the floor.

 

TRUE STORY!

My wife was driving in the car with my (at the time) 3 year old and a couple of other little kids. They children started talking, and the one little girl says "My Dad calls me 'Sweetheart'" The other little girls says "My Dad calls me 'Princess'" and then my darling Mariah pipes up and says "My Dad says 'Shut up, Right now, you two!'"

Needless to say, I got a lecture that night. Like every other night. Like always.

 

about Faragon's post: 'So I can smash their heads together when their annoying' is translated in dutch like this:

"Zodat ik hun koppen tegen elkaar kan slaan als ze irritant zijn"

Just thought all the non-dutch-speaking people would like to know.

And to answer the first question that comes into your mind after reading this post: Yes, I'm running low on inspiration for posts.

 

When I'll have kids, I am going to teach them to speak both English and Finnsih from an early age... and make that any other language I will be fluent when I get those kids. That is, in that theoretical, astronnomically small possibility that I ever wil HAVE kids.

(going away for food now)

 

I used to call my younger brother 'cutie' and one day a window-fitter came around.

'Hello' he said to my brother. He didn't reply. 'Don't you like me?" said the fitter. Alex gave him a dirty look, strode away and was heard to mutter, "Stupid Cutie."