The 28 types of game master

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(by Scott Butler and J.D. Frazer)

1) Munchkin - "Having slain the hordes of Azoth single-handedly,
without even unsheathing the Sword of Universal Destruction, your half
grey elven/half gold dragon 50th-level paladin/MU/Cleric/Monk/Bard gazes
down upon the pitiful Cthulhu who grovels at his feet..."

2) Monty Haul (variation on the Munchkin, but characters tend to be
lower level) - "You are each granted one wish."
"I wish to have the hand and eye of Vecna."
"I wish to have the flask of Teurny the Merciless."
"I wish to have . . ."
"Poof, they appear in front of you. Now what do you do?"
(This actually happened, years ago, when we first started playing.)

3) Whining Munchkin - "But, but, you guys CAN'T do that! It's my only
dungeon! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaail!"

4) Killer Munchkin - "You guys are dead."

5) Killer - "As you pull aside the tapestry, a green slime jumps upon
you from behind it, killing you . . . nope, no `to hit' or saving throw
allowed, it says so right here."

6) Executioner - "A hidden blade slides down the doorway, mincing the
two fighters and the cleric. The thief gets nine crossbow bolts in his
back, and the magic user is hit by an intense beam of light, burning a
hole through his head."

7) Troublemaker - singles out one player and continually hands
him/her notes which read "Don't let anyone know there is nothing on this note."

8) Cheater - "I don't care if you hit on an 18 LAST time, THIS time
you missed, and I don't want to hear another thing about it."

9) Die Modifier - "Yeah, yeah, so you rolled a 20. You missed. Secret modifiers, you know."

10) Enforcer - "A blue bolt from heaven strikes Harold the Whiner,
reducing him to one hit point. Anybody else got a problem with this campaign?"

11) Novice - "You rolled a 2 on your `to hit' roll. Did you want high or low?"

12) Verbose - "The door is solid oak, bound with 4 iron bands of
roughly equal width, spaced equidistant along its width, and the wood is
polished smooth, stained a dark brown, except for a small patch near the
bottom which is blacker. The hinges are not visible from this side, but
you notice the exquisite design of the lock, the faceplate of which is a
starburst design, edged in gold or maybe polished copper or brass, it's
kind of hard to tell with the torchlight, but the knocker is definitely
cast iron and you see . . ."
(sounds of snoring from party members)

13) Poker Face - "The slave you rescued courteously accepts your
offer to accompany you and thanks you for your trust in her . . ."

14) No Poker Face - "The slave you rescued, hee hee, courteously
accepts your offer, snort, to accompany you and thanks you for your
trust in her, hah hah . . . boy are you gonna get it now . . . giggle"

15) Timid - "The orc hits you for 4 points of damage, if that's OK
with you, Steve. Really, you've got 17 hit points left and he has only
2, so you'll be okay, OK?"

16) DePalma school of blood and gore - "Your magic drill cleaves the
demon's skull in twain and it literally explodes, spattering everyone
with blood and brains. An unsightly green ichor drips from your face as
you watch the smoldering corpse churn before you like a baby in a
blender
and finally settle into a puddle of vomit and excrement . . ."

17) Gibson school of writing graduate - "The view in the crystal ball
was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel."

18) Vengeful - "You won't go out with me Saturday? Okay, all of the
were-rats attack Christine."

19) AD&D'er - "The 100 peasants beat at your fighter ineffectually
with their sticks and pitchforks until you have slain them all. A heroic
effort on your part."

20) Anti-AD&D'er - "The 100 peasants overbear your fighter with their
great numbers and, unable to move under the weight of their hordes, you squirm
helplessly as they pry open your field plate and skewer you like a
lobster. You die an ignoble death."

21) Stickler For Detail - "Taking into account atmospheric
conditions, the acceleration due to gravity, the low drag coefficient of your
greased plate mail, your high dexterity, the gold in your backpack, your
associated credit rating, the eggs you had for breakfast . . . and the
average number of chickens who would remain inside the coop on a warm
day, you have to roll 13 or better to survive the fall . . ."

22) No Originality - "It's a quest, see, you're trying to take this
ring to Mordor, to drop it into a volcano to destroy it. No, no, honest,
I thought of this campaign myself . . ."

23) Leading and Overbearing - "You pump the bartender for information
and he tells you about a red dragon's lair to the west."
"Too risky. We go to hear rumours somewhere else."
"A man offers to hire you to clean out a red dragon's lair for him."
"We say `no, thank you' and leave for the next village."
"On the way to the village you stumble onto a red dragon's lair . . ."

24) Schmuck - "Oh. Can someone really do that? Okay, I'll let you
have a 50% chance. Oh. Okay, 75% then."

25) Ghoul - "That's the 17th character you rolled tonight?
Mouahahahahahahahahahah!"

26) Absolute Monarch - "The huge Red Dragon CAN fit through the
little hole, 'cause I SAID SO!"

27) Unimaginative - "You walk into the bar and see thirty mercenaries
all wearing scalemail and carrying longswords. They all sit at seperate
tables."

28) Design Zealot - "I just need another 15 minutes. I only have 3
more levels to populate."

 

What a fine list. In my many years of playing RPGs I think I've seen all 28 different types. It's all about keep it fun but keep it balanced and be mature.

 

LOL!

I am, on various occasions, numbers 2, 12, 14, 17, 24, and 28. I also remember one Shadowrun campaign that I GMed that was so chock full of Munchkins that I had to resort to Killer Munchkinism to get them to dial back and roleplay. Ironically, after the first four (mostly excrutiating) sessions, it was one of the most fun, solid gaming groups I had.

I agree with Voltric. There must be balance, as our good buddy in Kuldahar would say...

 

Thats a pretty good list, nice.

 

I once DM'd a guy at a gamecon who was used to playing in Monty Hauls. He claimed he had a 'golf bag' with +1, +2, +3, +4, +6 and +7 swords. He wanted to play in my game in the hope of picking up a +5 to complete his 'set'. Go figure!

 

+6 and +7 swords ?? Jeeks! I thought AD&D was officially limited to +5-weapons at most. Geesh, that guy certainly deserves the title Powergamer of the Year

 

Hmmm. I myself I think would be a combination of number 10 and number 26. I always keep a plastic bat by my side for those insolent PCs.

 

Actually, my DM didn't really fit into any of those. Neither did I for that matter. (well, my DM is kind of a cheater when he accidentally overlooked something. It's pretty funny because we all know it and joke about it.)

 

i would most definetly fit under enforcer

 

ok, I was another type:

29. Likes Low Level Chars - "ok, lets see, you get 1 exp for the goblin, 25 for those 15 orcs, 50 for that boss dude and 50 for finishing the quest, soo... you each get 25 exp for that 5 hour quest.

 

I do have to agree that it is always pretty fun being low-level. It really requires a lot of strategy/safety or you die.

 

My DM was a Munchkin, but only if we bought the chips and pop. If he had to buy, he became an executioner!

 

The old DM I used to have was a combination of 25, 26, and 27 but he added the "you're only there to follow the NPC around and let him be the center of the story rule." Nothing like watching the battle of the NPC's to add to a night's enjoyment.

Any guess why he's the old DM?

 

A great list but have yu ever found the guy you thought was a good DM. What type was he.

 

Ah the good old munchkin days...I remember myself as a green gamemaster...(A timid, verbose, monty haul, leading and overbearing design zealot...also that changed into
a killer-executioner of the school of blood and gore whenever I was pissed.)

Me: "Okay you walk into the tavern where you meet a mysterious man who want's you to go into the dungeons of the troll lord and retrieve the gem of Silvas. You accept the offer and head for the dungeon."
Player: I dunno he seems kinda suspicious.
Maybe we should...
Me: " No you don't think he's suspicious.
As you enter the dungeon you get the feeling of being watched and draw your swords..."

But my players weren't too nice either...

P: Okay I lob a fireball at the statue.
Me: What?! What the hell for?
P: How much damage did it take?
Me: Zero! It's a just a statue.
Me: Thats odd. When we played the adventure it was a gargoyle. ( I thought it would unbalance the game as the player was down to his last life-point)
Me: You WHAT?! Where did you play that?!
P: Last week when you couldn't make it to the game. I loaned a copy from one of my friends.
Me: You can't do that! I am your gamemaster!
P: Why not?
Me: Because you can't! And whats the fun of playing the adventure when you know where all the stuff is?!
P: We are betting to see who can reach the treasure first while killing as many monsters as possible.
Me: You are supposed to be looking for the lost royal WIZARD! Your characthers would never act that way! It's called ROLE-playing!"
P: Who the hell cares?
P: Hey can we skip the next 2 adventures in the book and move on to where we confront the lich?!

 

Great list.
I can idenitfy myself and the other Dm's I've played with.

 

Ahh yes why you never want to be DM and mill as session. You have no idea what the other players did and perhaps it would be better to simpilly start a new campain and come back to this on in a bunc os sessions