Silly D&D Moments

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Okay, I'm just curious as to what kind of supremely silly or ridiculous moments you have had while playing D&D.

I just got back from a session tonight where we managed to get a goblin cleric extremely high by burning a mouldy blanket. One of our PCs pretended to be a god to convince the rather stoned cleric to give us a significant discount on the cost of a raise dead spell.

So, what silly stories do you have?

 

My most treasured memories of D&D sessions were when I sent the DM home scratching his/her head.

Like the time when my low WIS bard got confused by a Bag of Tricks ("I feel something fuzzy, but I don't see anything") and tried to dump out the contents by holding it upside-down and shaking it. When that (obviously) failed, he turned it inside-out. Took the DM a week to figure out a proper result.

There was also the time as a DM when I used an adventure called "Pandora's Apprentice" from an old Dungeon magazine, which involved a young female apprentice, an absent master, a Ring of Delusion, a Wand of Wonder, and a house full of Phase Doors. One player didn't find it too funny, but the rest of us got some kicks out of his big, bad fighter getting whooped by a little girl who kept humiliating him and then vanishing. (My favorite adventures are those that don't require any violence if you do things right. )

 

One of my favourites has to be the enthusiastic wizard, he was the brother of one the regular players and wanted to join in. As an inducement he offered up his house to play in (it had a great long table to play at), and his wife provided snacks and supper for us. 2 moments of outstanding brilliance, first in a battle situation he fireballed his own party as well as the enemy; second to intimidate someone for inforamtion he used a burning hands spell, which caught some party members (again) and set fire to the hanging curtains in the house and thereby the section of the city they were in (priceless). He settled down a bit after those or it may have been his brother hitting saying "Wtf are you doing now!" every time he tried to do anything. Oh and I had to DM these bits through tears and laughter.

 

Another fond memory I've got is also from the campaign last night. We were fighting a group of 8 skeletons, and almost everyone was hurt by the skeletons, or had a critical miss and hurt themselves.

Our druid with a warsythe (don't ask) got himself on the wrist. The druid's animal companion, a wolf, somehow managed to bite his tounge and paw at the same time. Our human fighter with a bastard sword managed to roll a natural 1, then criticalled himself in the head. The human artificer (we're playing Eberron) was killed by a skeleton rather brutally (20, 20, 15).

It was just strange, the number of natural 1s coming up. I think everyone's d20s were possessed.

 

Oh my! I've so many!

Err well, there was this time when my wizard invented a «protection from dirt» spell 'cause he didn't want to get his wizard robe to become well dirty.

Oh and when He summoned a water elemental to do his lundry. He just put his dirty clothes and a soap in the elemental and ordered him to dance

Once this wizard when he was really drunk invented a «Summon beer elemental» spell. You can imagine it! The elemental gave everyone it hits drunkness unless they succefuly make a Fortitude save

Also the same Wizard killed an Air elemental AND a Fire elemental in a single round. How? By ordering the Fire elemental to «jump» into the air elemental. It didn't exactly gone well, in fact both elemental just exploded

Once my Barbarian «drank» a Water elemental and when he urinated him later that day, the urine became a very very pissed off Water elemental

I «suggested» an Ogre that saying the group's hateful Half Drow Blackguard that he's a sissy was the best thing to do. The suggestion spell says that only suicidal order are bound to fail, it wasn't suicidal... much

For a short period of time my Wizard got himself the title of «Supreme Judge and Law binder» (or some other silly title ) of a pretty small nation. Well that three day the country had 128 accusations of «Being an elf on a sunny day». My wizard xenophobic? Nooooo

The same Wizard «magic missile-ed» The Darkness

And that's pretty much all the silly thing my Wizard did that I can remember

 

Well in a campaign I was in recently I was with a character who was a psion pyro and he lived in village surrounded by fire. A group of lizard men came walking into town bent on revenge because my group had killed a large group of them earlier. We entered negotiations and somehow convinced the lizard leader that a burning stick was the holy item and that allowing the lizards to destroy it athey would otherwise demoralize the town. It was so funny how we managed to do that too bad I dont remember what we said to get it done!

 

Nathos introduced our group to a bunch of possibly hostile guard as "The Farport Boy Choir". Turned out to be a good ice-breaker

Alfonzo, who was not part of the outfit at the time, asked the bard's girlfriend for a dance, proceeded to step on the halfdragon sorceress's dress and rip it in the meantime. When she grew all fangy and angry, demanding a new dress, immediately, he used his hat of disguise to produce a replica of her dress. With him in it Imagine an italian looking guy, with chesthair where there's supposed to be cleavage, standing in the middle of a semi-aristocratic ball, in a bright yellow ball-dress

 

Hmm... When you're playing with Jesper898, the silly moments are more common than the serious ones ... But I can remember some of them...

Once his mad tiefling sorcerer wanted to rob one of his friends... He went down to a harbour, knocked a prostitute down, and stole her clothes, using an spell to look like her... Then he went down to his friends tent, and asked him if he was up for a date... He just had forgotten that the spell didn't alter his voice, so imagine a young girl with the voice of a grown up man?

 

Well, our group hasn't had more than 5-6 meetings but we are already making good progress down the road to absurdity...

Our first encounter... 4 skeletons. Almost everyone of us had a piercing weapon (two had slashing)...
My char, to the druid: "Uh, have you taught it to burry bones on command? It could come in handy"
Some time afterwards, our ranger, after taking 140 longbow arrows from the start (he didn't check it was 7 full quivers) and being told he looked like a porcupine, decided to give them as a gift to the mayor of a fairly well-to-do town. After the mayor refused, he tried to give them away to every guard he met.
Later, in an orc stronghold, we are trying to sneak in. The player of the fighter announces:
"My char. jumps forward," much to our complete surprise. He jumps, flies some 25+ feet (in medium armor), hits the opposing wall and falls on his back. The DM shrugs:
"It was a good roll."
Later still, we had an encounter with 2 orcs, in which one survived 2 full rounds with 4 characters hacking on it and missing constantly... and it never hit them either. Its "name" was "unpleasant orc 2" (nepriyaten ork 2 in bulgarian) - Neo 2 for short Afterwards, we decided that we'd roll as many dice for ourselves as the DM would allow us to... He seems to have managed to get the laws of probability royally twisted: there might have been a d20 dice he has rolled with more than 3 and less than 17, but we've yet to see its effect.

 

Not sure if this qualifies as silly, but...

One time, when I was DMing (just so people don't get confused, I play 2e, not 3e), the mage of the group had run out of spells. His one weapon proficiency was quarterstaff, but he had throwing daggers as well. Three of the enemy party remained, a big fighter with full plate and a shield, a cleric wearing splint mail, and a very dextrous thief using a bow (ACs 0, 3, & 3). Now the mage, not being proficient with the daggers, has a THAC0 of 23. So he plays the rules and attacks the fighter since all three could only be hit on a 20 for him.

This peeved me off a little, since it was a bit unrealistic (the fighter had heavier armor, so he should be harder to hit). So I made up a new rule on the spot. Criticals would not be at 20 and 1, but would instead be 9 past what a character needed to roll to hit or miss. (This is based on a middle "to hit" number of 11, which would still have 20+ as critical hit and 1- as critical miss since the highest you would miss on would be 10.)

A natural roll of 20 or 1 would be treated like an arquebus damage roll, allowing you to roll a second with either a bonus or penalty (respectively) of 20. The only exception would be that two 20's in a row would simply be 20, to allow that number to be rolled at all, and the same holds true for two 1's in a row being a 1. Rolling a third time wasn't permitted since it wouldn't really be necessary unless you had a ridiculously high THAC0 and were attacking someone with a ridiculously negative AC; the exact thing I was trying to prevent in the first place.

As the DM, my word was law, and we tried this new rule out for the rest of the adventure. It didn't go well. The mage kept critical missing (since even attacking someone with an AC of 10 would have a 15% chance of critical miss with his THAC0 of 23) and grew quite annoyed. Even the fighter and the paladin grew a little annoyed in that particular fight (it was the big one for the adventure; the others were easier) since they had about a 20% critical miss chance against the big enemy fighter. I agreed to leave the rule out so long as they were realistic about who they attacked.

But I have to say that all the critical misses created a lot of potential to embarrass both sides. I even had the enemy cleric smack the enemy fighter in the back of the head, with the requisite bickering nearly meaning the end of both of them. But the best one was the throwing dagger that slipped out of the party mage's hand backwards and took off the archer's earlobe. After the fight she had to search for it, and she even roleplayed caring more about the attached 'heirloom' earring than the earlobe itself, and threatened to pincushion the mage where the sun "didn't even want to shine" if it wasn't found.

 

Okay, so we're playing oriental adventures, and it's the ol' "rescue the Daimyo's daughter from the tower of the evil wizard" plot... So we're treking through the surrounding evil forest at night, and we're suddenly surrounded by masked figures. My mage tries some deception, but the barbarian gets upset with all the Q&A and spills the beans, "Dammit, we're rescuing the princess from the evil wizard, Acabaca!"

Suddenly, the masked figures skatter, we draw our weapons, ready spells, and-- muffled (masked) voices from the woods start shushing us and urging us not to *say* that NAME... Well, we're playing this card, "What? You mean-- Acabaca?!" ...To which we get more shushes and a warning how the legends say that if anyone says the name of the evil wizard, he can SEE TROUGH THEIR EYES...

Well, of course this brings the game to a *grinding halt* as we innovate various methods to exploit this legend:

"Okay, so, they spin me around really fast, and I say Acabaca"

"No, wait, I STARE into the sun and I say..."

"The mage tries to hypnotize me while I chant Acabaca..."

"I look at that symbol of petrification while I say..."

"I use those lenses of x-ray vision on our 18 charisma female paladin, and I say...

"We all start slicing onions while chanting..."

 

Yesterday our ranger kicked a goblin in the crotch so hard that the non-lethal damage knocked him out cold

 

This one time, when we were still figuring out the game, we captured a goblin or kobold and decided to torture it for information by pulling out his facial hair.

DM: "you pull his facial hair and he takes one point of damage, seeing as he only had 1 hitpoint to begin with, he's dead"

Yes every damaging action could be lethal!

 

Once I played with some friends, with a new Dungeon Master... It was the first time he was DM'ing, so he was a bit... inexperienced...

Our group was travelling through a forest. Suddenly we saw an old ruin, with a road leading down to it. but the road was blocked, by an old deep dragon (i still wonder what it did in that forest). It told us "I won't let you pass!" We looked at each other, and replied "Okay, then we'll just walk by". And then we moved on...

From that day, I learned how important the hook is when you're DM'ing

 

Thanks to mine Chaotic Neutral Rogue, we have always some ridicilous events in our game...

One of the most funniest thing what we (I) did, was when we encoutered a colossal dragon along the road. My rogue went to the dragon, offering him a sandwich... He didn't like it... You can guess the rest...