“Da Mysteerius Affair at Da Dew Drop Inn”

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Chapter XXII

“Suspeeshuns”

After Ember listened to Shimtadly’s recollection of the night of the murder, she sighed resignedly.

“Ye members likes me doos, nae much. Me relly tinks me needs tae finds Sara, metinkin’ she kin shed sum lights on dis entire ting.”

Once the two friends finished searching the house of the victim, they agreed to meet later that night and discuss anything they might have found out while sleuthing on their own. Shimtadly decided to wander over to Bill’s and question him about that night, while Ember would try to find and question the brothers, Hob and Bob.

“Ack! Me nae likes dem two, nastie tempers und an even nastier smell, bot me haz nae choice. Sees ye later, Lass.”

Emberglow watched as the Barbarian walked down the path toward town and thought...

“Kin me trusts her? Kin me trusts anyone in Hollyhocks? Jest me sweet hunni metinks. Wunder wot luck he be havin’ wit hiz suspecks? Hope mere den me.”

Sitting down and crossing her legs, the dwarf pondered on what little information she had unearthed in the way of clues. Not very much!

“ Let me tink…furst, me kens dat sumone be in da hoose und bonks me on da hed, und dat sumone wuz burnin’ evydense. Second, dat D’Kali’s clothes be gone und dat her taste in colours be in her arse, dat Sara be missin und dat pertty lad as well und lastly dat sumone in our village kilt da Mistress. Me hed hurts tinking aboots all dis und me gittin hungry, tinks it be aboot time me goes home und sees Johan.

“Hullo, Miss Ember...why ya sittin on da dirt?”

Ember looked up as the two sisters, Millie and Mollie walked by her. They both wore bright smiles and oddly, Millie was carrying a shovel, while Mollie was pushing a small wheelbarrow. Ember’s eyes narrowed when she asked, "Whar ye two goin? No matter, me haz sum quesshuns fer ye aboot last noche, only take a few minutes, iffin ye nae minds?”

Millie and Mollie smiled and nodded their heads in unison, “Aye, Miss Ember, asks away.”

Ember questioned the sisters closely about the party, but neither sister recalled anything helpful, only that they were very busy serving food and drinks and that Mistress D’Kali neither ate nor drank anything that they served her and that the Fighting Cocks were good dancers. They never mention the shovel or wheelbarrow and Ember did not ask.

“Dancin!!?? Ye calls dat jumpin aboot likes brane fevered jack rabbits dancin?? Dey all be idjits. Even me huzband wen he be doin dat heein und hawin, leapin up in da air likes a froggie. Humph!”

Thanking the sisters for their information, Emberglow watched them for a moment as they walked down the path. When they were out of sight, the Dwarf quickly followed, keeping to the side of the road. Stopping suddenly, Millie and Mollie traded burdens and after a moment they continued walking.

“Wot dose two doin wit a shovel und wheelbarrow, me wunders? Cud dey be buryin da Mistress’s clothes?? Und wot wuz dey burnin in da hoose? Haz dey muddered Sara? Oh, dats wots gittin’ buried. Aye, dey wrappin’ da body in D’Kali’s clothes und puttin da clothes und Sara in da earth. Me haz tae stops dem. Me kens one o’ dem hits me on da hed und jest aboot gives me a concusshun. Why dey almost kilt me! Looks at dem shashsayin down da path, lookin so innocent, bot me kens better. Dey be evel drorfs, aye like Duergars. Me better be vera sneeky, so dey nae kens me followin dem. Me walks quiet likes a cat, und haz keen eyes likes a falcon...”

THUNK!! SPLASH!! The dwarf that walks like a cat and sees like a falcon had somehow missed the large mud puddle in front of her and was now sitting in the middle of said puddle, mud all over her face and clothes. When she opened her eyes, she looked like Ember the Raccoon. Spitting dirty water from her mouth, she cursed. Quickly spotting the two sisters up ahead, Ember jumped up and followed them again as her boots made squishy noises and her dripping clothes left a muddy trail behind her.

 

Johan and Rumpin made their way back towards the tavern. They wanted to act like they were headed there, in case Quibblebonez was still at the Ressins when they got there. Johan figured it was not time yet to let others know they had pretty much solved the whole crime using simple Halfling logic.

They reached the tavern and glanced over at the healer's shop. Quibblebonez was not in sight. They would give it a few more minutes before going over. So with a few minutes to spare, some ale could be drunk to pass the time, after all, Halflings think better when they are a little boozed up. Well, Halflings think they think better when they are a little boozed up. Johan and Rumpin entered the tavern only to find one sleeping Halfling lying on the bar. They walked over to him just in time to meet a big ale smelling burp followed by a crusty aged cheddar booming wind coming from the other end.

"Now that is quite sick I tells yas, it smells like a dead animal crawled up in there and died. Where's the others eh?" Johan questioned and looked around. Rumpin slapped his Fighting Cock around to wake him up, which he did.

"Oh oh Copin, you gots to horry. Tho follas sont word thot tho onn over on tho noxt town os hovin problems. Thoy bo offerin o woeks stoy ond oll tho ole wo con dronk, bot wo most bo thore tonight. Tho others follas thot wore hore olready loft. O woited for you to toll you. Wo noed to gots goin of wo goin to moke ot." the drunk Halfling stammered out.

"Geez, I could nae even understand half of that I tells yas. This lad can nae handle his ale I am thinkin." Johan said has he wiggled his fingers in his ears.

"Nae Johan he is nae drunk, he be just really dumb and uses Oos all the time. Just replace the Oos sounds with Aas sounds and it be makin sense. But he is sayin I be needin to go and round up me lads. So I gots to leave yas for now, but I will be bein back after we gets done with what we needs to be doin. I thinks we pretty much figured it all out anyways eh? Take care lad, sees yas soon." Rumpin said as he pulled the Halfling off the bar and pushed him out the door.

Johan just nodded as he was trying to replace all the Oos with Aas. After he figured out nothing he then tried Ees and Iis, and eventually he got something about someone's horny goat was running around sleeping with frogs and spoiling turnip gardens with fish oil made from troll dung. Johan just sighed a bit and was glad he didn't have to deal with such matters, which reminded him he still had a murder to solve. He closed up the tavern and walked over to the Ressin's shop next door. He walked in to find Mr. Ressin hard at work grinding up something in a bowl and the bag Quibble had been carrying was besides him.

"Eh, hiyas Klyde, whatcha up to eh?" Johan said loudly which startled the human who quickly turned around.

"Oh Johan, you move so quietly at times, what can I do for you?" Klyde Ressin answered.

"Aye a little jumpy he is, he be hiddin somethin, I bet he be makin that poison to kill me even, he knows I knows. But I nae know if he knows that I knows he knows, so I will play it like I nae knows." Johan's thoughts were racing in his head.

"Uhmm Johan are you okay, are you coming down with something or is Ember in need of something?" Klyde said as he looked at the puzzled Halfling.

"Oh now he is tryin to kill me sweet as well, oh, he be a crafty one indeed, but nae as crafty as me I tells yas, er I tells me."

Aye I was just wonderin how yas were doin now that D'Kali be dead. It seems nae many people are nae upset about it really?" Johan said kind of bluntly which caused the man to have an awkward look.

"Well I had no love for Mistress D'Kali, if that is what you are asking me Johan, but I would never condone anyone murdering her. I try my best to preserve life. As for my business, the sick did not suddenly get better with her death, so my business is going as usual. By the way since you are here and I have some extra money, can you please give this to Ember with my thanks. She was very helpful in our time of need." Klyde said and handed Johan a small pouch heavy with coin.

"Now this one is tryin to bribe me eh, has he no shame. Where did he get this extra money if business is goin as usual eh?" Oh okay, but something just hit me as well, do yas have any uhmm, Malik mushrooms today?" Johan questioned and watched closely for any reactions and clues.

"Of course I do, I guess you ran into Quibblebonez today huh? So is Ember going to make some more Swampfoot Stew? Here you go, if you tell her to make us a batch, I will consider it equal trade for the mushrooms, deal?" Klyde said with a smile and handed Johan another pouch packed with ground mushrooms.

"Ah so coy eh Mr. Poison Maker, I knows yas game, but yas are not the mastermind, it would be too easy for the murder to be put back on yas, yas would nae do that to yasself. So who be the one who did this?" Well I gots be goin now see yas soon." Johan said as he walked out and back to the tavern.

"Ember should be back soon, and she is gonna be worried, so I am needin to figure this out now.... damn I be hungry" Johan said as he looked at all the collected evidence he gathered today. The pipe found in the tavern which turned out to be the murder weapon, the beer pump for Ember from Reenie which he did not charge for, money for Ember from Quibblebonez for no apparent reason, more money for Ember from the Ressins again for no apparent reason, and lastly a bag of poison mushrooms. He had three conspirators already, Reenie, Quibblebonez, and Klyde Ressin. Each was involved but they were not the mastermind. That title was left for the one who had a connection with each of the others. Who killed Mistress D'Kali??

 

Chapter XXIII

"The Hollyhocks Four"

As Ember followed the Dwarven sisters, Millie and Mollie, her feet began to hurt from the constant chafing of her wet boots against her skin. Muting her moans and groans, she stopped to give her aching feet a rest while she debated removing the soggy footwear or continuing on in pain. Quickly deciding no time could be wasted, lest her quarry got away, Emberglow stood and proceeded to trail the two dwarves.

Between ouches and curses, Ember soon caught sight of the sisters up ahead. Ducking behind some shrubbery, she watched while the two lasses had an animated discussion...unfortunately she was too far away to hear what was being said, but it was easy to see they were arguing.

"Dey be fitin' metinks. Me wunders aboot wot? Maybees whar tae buries poor Sara? Me tinks Sara catches dem in da hoose und dey bashes her in da hed, bot Sara's hed nae be as hard as me noggin, und dey crushes her skull, da poor ting. Mayhaps dey wuz steelin Mistress D'Kali's clothes, doe me haz nae idea why, everyboody wud ken as soon as dey sees dem lookin likes two idjit jesters. Und wot wuz dey burnin? Evydense? Did dey mudder Mistress D'Kali fer her clothes??? Nae, der haz tae be mere tae dis stoory. Waits! Now, wots dis? Somtun wicked dis way comes."

Sauntering up the path towards the two sisters was no other than Hob and Bob Hoggletinkies. The sisters' waved and the Halfling brothers returned the gesture.
"Humph!! Seems likes Millie und Mollie be xspectin' dem, dey relly be two idjit drorf lasses. Me nae understands how dey kin takes dere disposhun, lets alone da stink, why me be downwind and still gits a whiff o' dem lads...phew! Tankfully me hunni always smells goot, likes moss und clover. Ummm, me be missin dat Halfling o' mine. Me haz tae follows dis foursum doe. Dis be a conspearasee. Aye, a trecheroos plot tae kills Mistress D'Kali hatched by Millie und Mollie Ironforge und Bob und Hob Hoggletinkies. Dey be da Hollyhocks Four!!"

Before Emberglow could spin more of her murder conspiracy theory, the group started to move down the path. Crouched over, she ran on the balls of her feet to another bush, ducked behind it and then sprinted to another. Keeping the four in sight, she continued her zig zagging back and forth between the bushes and trees. The small band of suspected murderers turned off the path and entered the woods. Emberglow followed.

"Dey goin tae buries Sara in da woods hopin nae anyboody wud looks heer. Wellin, dey haz a surprize watin fer dem, wit me eyes like a falcon und feets like a cat dey haz nae chance. Da great detektive Emberglow Hugh be on dere trail."

 

Just like dwarf lass to go in the dark woods alone when there be murderers maybe about!

 

Chapter XXIV

"A Cautionary Tale for the Directionally Impaired"

"Wot be da matter wit me? Me be a drorf, able tae sees in da dark, yet me sees nuttin bot dark und eben darker shadows. Dis be a fine pickul. Ack! It be dat bonk on da hed, maybes it hurts me eyes sumhow .und now me be gittin' a bit chilly. Johan will be werried aboot me by now. Times tae finds me way home und tell him dis dasterdly tale o' greed und mudder."

As her mind spun a farfetched scenario of what happened to Mistress D'Kali and her maid, Sara, the dwarf kept walking through the forest, trying to see anything that might give her a clue as to where she was...and how to get home. Catching sight of a small patch of light, she walked toward it. When she got closer she understood what the light was, the moon had pierced the dense foliage of the trees above her and a moonbeam had illuminated a small shrub. The silvery light had also made dark silhouettes of the surrounding trees.

"Dis be vera spookie heer, me nae likes it. Nae one bit! Oh, whar be me Halfling? Whar be anyboody? Me haz tae sits und tinks aboot dis situashun."
Emberglow sat close to the bright shrub and folded her legs under her, and then cupped her head in her hands and rested her elbows on her knees. She frowned and then sighed.

"Well, sittin' heer nae goin tae fixs dis problem, me jest haz tae finds me way home, all alone, in da dark, wit hungry anymals all around me und tings dat goes bumps in da noche. Hummph! So wot! Wot be werse, sittin heer likes a wee lass, feelin sorry fer meself or fitin me way oot o' dese cursed woods? Lassie, it be time tae move yer arse und gits home."

Leaping to her feet, Ember looked around, and then started walking north. Soon the trees thin out a bit and she realized she could see thanks to the brightness of the moon. Up ahead she noticed a path and began to follow it and in about an hour she saw the road that led to the village. The dwarf that saw like a falcon, walked like a cat and was as quiet as a mouse, squealed like an addlebrained lass when she stepped on the dirt road. Running now, Ember grinned when she saw the soft glow of candles in the tavern windows. Bursting through the door, she shouted for Johan.

"Me Hunni, comes kwik, me haz solved da mudders! It be da Hoggletinkies und da Ironforge sisters, dey da ones dat kilt D'Kali fer her clothes und Sara tae keeps her quiet und now they be gittin rid of da boody. Ye nae believes wot dey be doin! Oh, it be so awful. Me wuz admirin all da trees in da woods und dats why me be late. Johan! Where ye be?"

 

If anyone is reading sorry for the delay in our continuing sagas, Riccan and I are on a little out of town vacation but will be back next week. I hope you are enjoying the tales so far if you are reading, we aim to please.

 

Johan pondered the riddle of murder as he sought hard for the missing piece of the puzzle. He paced back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, and then it hit him like a thunderbolt, is was long past dinner time! The sun had gone down a bit ago, and Ember was nowhere to be found. He was not worried about her out in the dark, she could see better than he could in the night, and like Johan, Ember was not always a business owner. She had walked dangerous trails of an adventurer for a long while, before becoming an innkeeper. What he did worry about was if she did not get back soon he would die of starvation. His stomach groaned in pain, he was slipping away fast.

The halfling rushed into the kitchen area, but there was a problem, the tavern bad been closed all day, no food was made, no leftovers! Johan panicked as Death's starving grip slowly tightened around his stomach, and then it hit him, the garden! Johan bolted out the side door and saw his temporary salvation Ember's tomatoes were ripe. Johan plopped himself down in the row and began picking one tomato of the plant after another. He ate the row bare down to the green ones. Johan looked at his hands and they were stained, his shirt was stained his face was stained, and worse of all, Ember's ripe tomatoes were gone. Johan panicked as a vision of his wife's furious barrage of smacks bruised his mind.

Johan ran back into the tavern and up to the bathing room. In a world of magic, especially when your brother and his wife were mages, life was much easier at times. For their wedding Kasandra, Alys' wife, who was a witch, gifted Johan and Ember a large clay water vessel. While not uncommon, this vessel would fill with warm or cool water on command, so Johan quickly commanded. He stripped off his stained clothes and ran back to his bedroom and slid them under the bed. He then ran back to the bathing room and jumped into the vessel. He washed and washed until the red stains were gone. He then ran back into his room and shut the door. He quickly got dressed and it could not have been closer timing. He heard Ember downstairs calling for him.

Johan took a deep breath and walked down the stairs, as he reached the bottom a thought crossed his mind, he never drained the tub! He saw Ember at the bottom of the stairs, and she was excited about something and worse yet she was dirty. Had she been in the garden and seen the lack of tomatoes he wondered. The role of artful dodger was assumed.

"Lass yas are huffin and puffin, and dirty I tells yas. Come with me, I drew a bath for yas, so yas could relax. Oh I needs to tell yas, I solved the murder mystery. But come up and get cleaned and I tells yas all about it. Yas look sexy in mud I tells yas. Come I helps yas get cleaned up. I nae told I loves yas today eh? Well I do, I am tellin yas. Yas will be shocked when yas finds out who was responsible for the murder I tells yas, come on Dumplin, we gets yas all cleaned up." Johan spoke quick and clear, never letting Ember get a word in as he took her hand and led her the bathing room.

 

Chapter XXVI

“Fried Green Toematoes??”

“Johan! Ye be heer? Me haz tae tells ye me haz solved da crime. Ye will nae believes who be da mudderers und why dey dood it.”

Ember paced impatiently, while waiting for her husband to show himself. After a few moments, she stopped and noticed her muddy footprints were dirtying the wooden floor.

“Ack! Looks at da mess me makin’ on da floor. Me clothes be filthy und so iz me. Me needs a bath, me tinks. Aye, a long warm soak in da bathing tub da witch gives us wud be vera nice indeed. Den me kin runs thrue da clues me kens, gits everyting straight afore me tells Johan. Den we kin gits sumtin tae eats, ummm, food. Me be vera hungry. Oh, Johan must be starvin’ tae deth by now. Dat why he nae heers me, he be wastin’ away tae a skelliton, me poor hunni.”

“It be alrite, Johan, me whips up sum goot provishuns, maybees, some fried green toematoes und a baked ham, err, makes dat two, nae, three baked hams.”

Turning, Emberglow began to walk to the door that will take her to the small garden. Hearing Johan on the stairs, she opened her mouth to tell him how she has solved the murder, but she cannot get a word in edgewise.

"Lass yas are huffin and puffin, and dirty I tells yas. Come with me, I drew a bath for yas, so yas could relax. Oh I needs to tell yas, I solved the murder mystery. But come up and get cleaned and I tells yas all about it. Yas look sexy in mud I tells yas. Come I helps yas get cleaned up. I nae told I loves yas today eh? Well I do, I am tellin yas. Yas will be shocked when yas finds out who was responsible for the murder I tells yas.. come on dumplin, we gets yas all cleaned up..."

Mutely nodding her head, Ember followed Johan to the bathing room. She smiled delightedly when she spied the full tub. Johan had even added some pink bathing salts to the warm water.

“Oh, me hunni, ye be too goot tae me, looks at da pink watter, it looks vera invitin, bot ye must be so hungry. Me waits tae bathe. We best go downstairs und cooks up sumtin fer us.” Ember gave the tub a longing look and with a sigh, walked to the steps.

“Nae, Dumplin, yas needs to get cleaned up first, then we can eat, I tells yas.” Gently propelling her, the Halfling pushed her towards the tub.

“Oki, Johan, me will gits cleaned up, den we eats, jest gives me a few minutes den comes back in, me kin tells ye how me solved da crime. Ummm, maybees ye kin jumps in da tub wit me, me haz nae scrubbed yer back in a long time. Ye kens wit dis mudder und all, we nae haz time tae talk or cuddle....or anyting.”

 

Will Johan get away with his tomato rampage?

 

Chapter XXVII

“Scrub-a-Dub-Dub, A Dwarf and a Halfling in a Tub”

“Efter me scrubs ye back, me hunni, den we kin snuggles und me tells ye why da Hoggletinkies und da Ironforge sisters kilt Mistress D’Kali. Dey even kilts poor Sara. Oh, it be a terribul ting, bot werse be wot dey doin now, it be so bad me canna tells ye yet.”

Emberglow shuddered, causing ripples in the pink water. Leaning back with a loud sigh, she waited for Johan to join her in the bathing vessel.
“Hurries up, Johan, afore dis watter gits cold. It be vera nice und warm rite now, ye ken it be odd, bot me sweers me kin smells toematoes in heer.”

Johan quickly pulled his clothes off and jumped into the tub, rambling on about the murders and Gollie. Fast thinking as always, he said anything to get Ember’s mind off the smell of tomatoes. When she found out all her carefully tended vines were stripped bare, well, hell hath no fury like a dwarf who cannot put up crushed tomatoes, pureed tomatoes and tomato juice because a Halfling has had his full of them! Johan did some shuddering of his own.

“Dere ye be, now turns around und me will scrubs ye back, den ye kin doos mine.”

Soon, the bath area was awash in pink water as the Halfling and Dwarf caused more than ripples in the water. Their laughter and shouts could be heard all through the tavern. Finally, there was relative quiet as Emberglow and Johan rinsed off and exited the tub. Wrapped up in two large towels, they walked into their bedroom, leaving wet footprints on the floor. Johan lit one of the small lamps and then closed the windows. Taking a flying leap, he landed in the middle of their oversized bed, and then with a “come hither” look, he laid back on the bed and motioned Ember to join him.

Shaking her head Ember said, “Me needs tae gits me nightshirt on, Johan, it be gittin’ cold tonoche.”

Noticing Johan’s pout, she relented and crawled into the bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. Cuddling close, Johan stared to nuzzle Ember’s neck, and then they begin to kiss. The bed began to creak.

Later, much later, Johan lay back on his pillow, one arm wrapped around Ember as he enjoyed a pipe full of weed.

“Well, me hunni, now that we be relaxed, wud ye likes tae heer me tale o’ deth und greed in our Sweet Hollihocks? Dey muddered D’Kali fer her clothes. Aye! Me kens it be a strange ting, why wud aneone wants her clothes? Dey must be daft! It be da Hoggletinkies und dis be terribul, da sisiters too, Millie und Mollie. Me sees dem wit me own eyes, in da woods, lettin loose two piggies tae eats da body o’ Sara. Ye looks a bit green, Johan, ye be all rite? It be troo me sees it! Me be tinking dey haz plotted tae mudder da Mistress und steel da clothes, maybees otter tings too. Tae sells? Maybee, me nae shure. Poor Sara catched dem und den dey kilt her too. Now, dey be gittin rid o’ da evydense, Sara’s poor body.”

Turning towards her husband, Ember continued, “We needs tae tells da Magistrait wen he gits heer, bot wot do we doos wit da culprits ‘til den?

 

Johan snuggled close to Ember as she told him of what she had discovered, then Johan relayed all the things he uncovered. By his count a majority of the business owners in town we apart of this dastardly murder plot. But out of them all Johan could not pick anyone to be the mastermind, the leader of this motley group. What was the missing piece.. the missing piece... the missing piece... what did they all have in common, other than living in same town and all hating Mistress D'Kali? Johan pondered and snuggled, pondered some more and snuggled some more, pondered even more, then got aroused again from snuggling so much and quickly forgot what he was pondering. It did not take much coaxing from Johan to get Ember to join in a repeat performance of what just happened about a half a hour glass ago. Fuelled by passion, desire, lust and love, it was a good thing they had no boarders staying in the rented rooms. This went on for a bit of time, until in mid action the missing piece came to mind. Johan sprung from Ember and the bed.

"I GOTS IT!!! I just figured it all out, I am knowin who the mastermind is. I be right back!" Johan said in excitement and opened the door and ran down the stairs.

It never dawned on him that he was bare arsed and toting a tent pole without the cover of a tent. He bounced down the stairs, in more ways than one, and looked at the empty bar room. In his mind he recreated the party, the scene of the murder. He placed each party guest where they basically remained. The missing piece was Mistress D'Kali herself. There was only one way the poisoned pipe to have gotten to her, she had to come to the pipe. The mastermind was the one who got the poison getter, the poison maker, the pipe faker, and the body disposers all in one place, with Mistress D'Kali. The party thrower, the innkeeper, the evil mastermind who used Johan and Ember as scapegoats. Johan bolted back to the bedroom just to catch the beginning of Ember putting on a night shirt. Johan eyes began glued on her naked body slowly being clothed. Blinking a few times after the show was over he started blurting out the answered to the mystery.

"Okay Sweet, I have put it together, I tells yas. Quibblebonez gots the poison, the Ressins made the poison so it could be smoked, Reenie made the replacement pipe which had the poison, the sisters and brothers got rid of the only person who knew what was going on and could of ruined their plans, Sarah, which left Mistress D'Kali all by herself. But she was safe at her home eh, so the mastermind had to get her out of the home and to the place where everyone else was, so the mastermind throws a party and invites D'Kali!" Johan spoke a mile a minute.

"Okay okay, snag one Mistress D'Kali does nae come alone, so her flavor of the minute has to be taken care of. Did yas notice how toasted he was with ale, he totally forgot about the peacock. So with him out of he picture eh, the mastermind had to distract yas and me eh! How did they do that, well I tells yas. The mastermind spark the halflings into a courtin dance, by trying to mount me wife. So while the party is boomin with some fine erotic halfling dancin, they make the switch. So in the end I tells yas the only one to make all this happen is none other than the.... INNKEEPER! " Johan blurted out has he stood in a heroic pose, still completely naked and more then a smile upon his feature

 

Chapter XXVIII

"Da Innkeeper Dood It"

“INNKEEPER!!”

Emberglow’s ears rang with the word...INNKEEPER! Did she hear Johan correctly? Perhaps he said the tinpeeper or was it the ginweeper? Certainly not the INNKEEPER!! Her rosy cheeks paled as her eyes widened in shock, and her body began to tremble. Hugging herself in an attempt to quell her shaking, Ember took a faltering step closer to her husband.

Her eyes swept over the naked Halfling. He looked so self-assured, so positive he had solved the crimes. Taking a very deep breath, Emberglow expelled it with an audible moan. Her voice was deceptively soft when she said...

“Ye tinks da Innkeeper be da mudderer, aye?” Her voice started to rise a bit as she continued, “Johan, me loves ye dearly, but ye be a %$#*% nitwit! Ye daft Halfling, me be da damn Innkeeper! Ye shurly nae tinks me be da dasterdly mudderer, doos ye? Wots me tae doos wit ye? Ye eats all da clues up und digests dem in yer own strange way, den spits dem oot in an idjit’s soop.”

Johan’s expression underwent a startling change, from proud crime solver to dejected idiot, and as Ember noticed; his face was not the only part of his anatomy that looked despondent.

“Oh, dis be a terribul ting dat happens in our liddle village. We suspects our frends, ye eben tinks me commits dis crime. Johan, we haz tae solves dis afore our lifes be ruined. We shud be lookin at da facts, wots we kens fer shure. Comes back tae bed, mayhaps iffin we gits warm, our branes will werks better. Umm, ye best be puttin on yer night shirt or we will gits nae talkin done.”

His expression crestfallen, the Halfling nodded and quickly pulled on his night clothes, then gingerly crawled into bed. Ember blew out the lamp and folding her arms under her head she stared up into the darkness.

“We kens who be at da party, der wer nae strangers, so dat means da mudderer haz tae bees one o’ da invited guests. We kens Mistress D’Kali be kilt we tinks, wit a poison in her pipe. We also kens, we all haz reasons tae be happies she be deid. So, we all haz a motive. Wuz Sarah kilt cuz she saw sumting? Or tae keeps her quiet? Wus she involved in da plot? Wots aboot da missin clothes, why wud anyone wants dose clothes? Waits a minute, kin we eben be shure Sarah be deid? No one haz seen da body. Me tinks dat be important. Sarah be da clue tae sloves dis, Johan.” A soft sound made Ember turn and regard her husband. He was sound asleep and snoring.

“Da poor ting be all tuckered oot frum all his tinkin. Nae too goot tae haz a Halfling tinkin’ too much, it wears oot dere brane. Me lets him sleep, den in da mornin we must figure dis all oot, fer da sakes o’ us all.”

Ember’s eyes opened wide when she heard the cock crow or was it the Fighting Cocks crowing? Either way she was awake. Turning over, she watched for a moment as Johan slept and snored. He looked so peaceful, nothing like the mad and naked Halfling of last night, accusing her, yes her! of the dastardly murders. After some years of married life, he never ceased to amaze and exasperate her.

Sighing softly, Emberglow sat up and looked for her slippers. It was chilly in their bedroom reminding her soon it would be winter. Walking to the window, she looked out as the morning brightened with the rising sun.

“How could this happen in our dear Hollyhocks? Who did this? We haz gots tae solve dis afore we be killin one anutter. We haz tae makes our village happies agin. Wit da Mistress gone now, we kin doos all dat we had planned, makin’ da tavern a bit larger and puts in a reel garden, nae dis small square foot of dirt she let us rent. Aye, it be troo many o’ us haz benyfitted frum her deth. Bot wich one o’ us wud kilt her? Dat be da queshun.”

After dressing quickly in the cold room, Ember headed for the kitchen. She soon had a small blaze in the fireplace and the coffee brewing. There was no need to wake Johan, when he smelled the eggs and bacon cooking he would be down to eat quicker than a Dwarf can empty a keg of ale. No sooner had the bacon started to sizzle when she heard creaking from the bedroom, and then hurried footsteps.

“Ember, I tell yas I was havin’ a dream about eggs, den what do I know? I smelled them!”
His face was aglow from a good morning scrub.

Smiling kindly at her husband, Emberglow said, “Sit, afore ye falls over yer feets, break fast be reddy in a few minutes. Helps yerself tae sum orange juice und me wud likes a cup too. Efter we eats, we kin sits calmly and tinks aboot da mudder. Gets all da facts we kens out on da table, den maybees we kin see sumting we haz overlooked afore. So eats up me hunni, me kens ye tinks better on a full tummy.”

The kitchen was full of smacking lip, grunts of pleasure and more smacking lips...all of Johan’s making. When all five platters were empty, much to the Halfling’s dismay, Ember poured them both a cup of coffee. After leaning back in their chairs with satisfied smiles and rounded stomachs, Ember asked,“Ye wants tae goes furst, me Huzband?”

 

Johan finished eating, sat and thought. He watched Ember clean up and felt her unease. His problem was he was right, though he dare not say it again. The innkeeper was the missing link. The innkeeper brought them all together at one time for one special night. Johan knew Ember was not the mastermind by her own doing, but in the end by no fault of her own she was the mastermind. Johan's head was swirling. What to do? What to do? Whatever he did would need to be quick. He needed to visualize the suspects. Johan went around and gathered a number of food items that escaped his mouth and placed them on the table.

"Ember come here lass, I am needin to show yas something. Okay this is what I be thinking. This muffin is Mistress D'Kali, this muffin is yas and this roll is me, and this plum is Lumpkin and these berries are the Cocks, and…" Johan went on as Ember came to the table. Johan put a food item down for each person that was at the party.

"Okay, D'Kali is dead so lets get rid of her. Yas and I nae planned her death, we may have thought about her nae bein here, but we nae killed her, so lets get rid of us. I know Lumpkin for some time now, and ifin he was the one who killed her he would claim it I knows it. So, ifin Lumpkin did nae kill her then his Cocks nae killed her." Johan reasoned as one by one he ate the food item that represented the people he thought were not the murderers.

"Okay that leaves us this group, and we knows Reenie, Quibble, and the Ressins are acting together, and we knows the sisters and brothers are acting together." Johan said and split them into two groups.

"That leaves Sarah, and Mr. Boytoy, and our new boarder fella. So with all that in mind Sarah is the killer!" Johan said like he was never more sure about anything ever before. He looked at Ember, who just blinked a few times.

"Aye look, Sarah is missing, but what we nae knew about her and still don't but we do know after looking at it, she be havin an sorted kinky affair with Mr. Boytoy. They are doin unspeakable thing in Mistress D'Kali's bed. So they come up with a plan and using poor simple Quibble to get the poison, the Ressins to make the poison after she lied to them sayin it was going to be used to smoke out a rat nest. Then Sarah come cryin to Reenie about how much trouble she be in cause she broke D'Kali favorite pipe and had him make another one. She told him how to make it so she could fit the poison in and Reenie is nae the wiser. Next she had to nae be at the party cause D'Kali would nae ever be at a party with her maid. Boyo, this Sarah is a crafty as they come I tells yas. Well once all was ready to go, Mr. Boytoy sneaks in pipe, pays the sisters to flirt with the Cocks so they would be gettin all wild. Mr. Boytoy plants the pipe, D'Kali smokes it and she dies. Puttin all the blame on yas Sweety." Johan finished his ramblings and then ate the rest of the suspects.

"So that is what happened, and I thinks what we need to be doin is provin it now before the magistrate be getting here." Johan finished and just nodded his head. Ember just blinked a few more times.

 

Chapter XXIX

"Eatin' und Tinkin'"

Ember left Johan sitting at the table while she started to clear the dishes. The more she thought about the facts of the murder the more her thoughts spun.

“Ember come here lass, I am needin to show yas something. Okay this is what I be figurin. This muffin is Mistress D’Kali, this muffin is yas and this roll is me, and this plum is Lumpkin and these berries are the Cocks, and…”

She walked over to the table and watched as the Halfling picked up a muffin and told her it represented Mistress D’Kali, and then he proceeded to substitute the leftovers on the table as the rest of the party goers. She was a bit disappointed to see she was not the plum, but thought better of interrupting Johan; he was on a roll, figuratively and literally.

Johan eliminated suspects by popping them in his mouth. Leave it to the Halfling to somehow involve eating in his solution to the crime.

Listening intently to Johan, Ember realized his solution was not as outlandish as she first thought, although she did have to blink a few times so her head would not explode.

Were the others innocent accomplices to murder? It made sense. What did not make sense was Sarah as the murderess. Did Sarah and the popinjay have a fling in the hay? If the Mistress found out, did she threaten them both? No, that made no sense. Why would D’Kali agree to come to the party with him if she suspected him of betraying her? For that matter, why would she threaten anyone, she could have just dismissed Sarah and exiled the popinjay. No, Johan was close to the truth, but there was more to this tale.

She waited until her husband ate everything left on the table, suspect or not, then she said, “Ye haz sum goot ideas dere, Johan, bot me tinks dere be more tae da tale. Sumting we kens nuttin aboot, bot we best finds oot und qwikly.”

Johan was chewing the last of the crumbs off the table, but his expression was attentive as Emberglow continued, “We kens da poison wuz in da pipe, bot we kin be shure o’ dat? Once we kens dat fer certain den we haz tae asks da otters iffin dey doos da tings ye haz said dey did. Iffin all dis be troo, den we only haz tae finds Sarah tae solves da misteree. Oh, me sweetiecheeks, me tinks we be so close tae da truth.”

Leaning over Johan’s chair, Emberglow wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

“We be back tae normal soon, Johan, den we kin makes plans aboot visitin’ yer brudder und da witch. Me be so happies dis be over soon und we haz our old Hollyhocks back und all our frends. Ye talks tae half of dem susspects und me talks tae da rest. Meets back heer in two hours, den we decides wot tae do next.”

 

After a grand breakfast and reassurance from his wife that all would be well in Sweet Hollyhocks soon, Johan was ready to take on this murder mystery. He would flush out the dirty scoundrels that did this and make them pay. First he would beat them and then cut them a little and then beat them and then throw rotten eggs at them, and then he would go get some lunch. But right after lunch he would be back at it for sure, well maybe after a visit to Gollie's bakery for some friendly talking and even more friendly pies.

Oh yes, Johan was ready he had put on his clothes and went behind his closet's false wall to get his trunk. His trunk was larger than the Halfling; it had three imposing locks that took three imposing keys to open. After a moment Johan managed to open the trunk and lift the black satin cloth that covered the top of the items he had inside. Other than Ember and some scars hidden on his body, these items were the last physical reminders of his adventuring days. On top was Faeguard, his short sword. It was a long time since his brother Alys and his sister in marriage Kasandra, broke the curse that once surrounded the blade. In the past this sword was very evil but very powerful. Now it was nothing more than a familiar friend who was crafted finer than anything Johan has ever seen. Still though, Johan was always careful and a bit nervous when Faeguard was out, one can only guess that some of the curse may still be in it.

The second item was a full set of mithril platemail. The material alone would buy a small keep and caretaker for the rest of their lives, but this armor was not to be sold. It was his Order armor crafted only for him. He would be buried in it when the time came. Ember would see to it and Alys would make sure of it.

Johan long knew that even the enchantments place on him by his brother would ware off one day. He and Ember would age normally and everyone knew dwarves tend to live much longer than Halflings if left to natural causes. That was neither here or there though, Alys told him the enchantments to would last 200 years to the day. That day was only a few years past.

Strapping his sword to his side he said goodbye to Ember with a kiss, since she always fretted when he went digging in his trunk. Johan was off to rouse the murderers from hiding. Johan unconsciously slid his hand down and rested it on Faeguard's pommel. Oh the memories and stories. It was not long into this urgent mission to catch the killers that Johan found himself slightly out of town and in a wild apple orchard he liked to visit every so often. Sitting under his favorite, tree snacking on an apple or ten he drifted off to sleep still thinking about his adventuring days.

"You Halfling look alive!" woke Johan from his slumber which lasted much longer than the two hours Ember and he agreed on.

Johan woke up to see a man on a large horse looking down at him, after a few blinks Johan saw a number of men on large horses looking at him. Some of them very well armed. Johan saw the clothes of the first man and recognized the patches. It was Magistrate Doken! Johan sprang to his feet quickly.

"Good day to yas lordship, what can this humble Halfling be doin for such a valiant, noble, just, noteworthy, distin... discust...err, mighty man as yasself."

Johan quickly blurted out while he bowed. In his mind he was thinking only that this ass should have been here tomorrow, not today stall, stall, and stall.

"Are you from Sweet Hollyhocks?" The magistrate questioned in a way that it almost sounded like a command.

"Yes sir, I am I tells yas." Johan answered quickly.

"Good some progress already, then do you know of the Dew Drop Inn?" The magistrate asked, again in that tone.

"Of course I do, such a tragic thing I tells yas, such a tragic thing." Johan said as he shook his head slowly.

"Then you know of the murder?" Doken said as he peered down at Johan with narrow eyes.

"Murder yas say? Really? What murder?!?" Johan quickly responded and the games were about to begin!

 

Chapter XX

"Clues for the Clueless"

After Johan left the table Ember finished tidying up the kitchen, then went up to their bedroom. Sitting at her vanity, she combed her hair, thinking about whom to seek out first. She thought it might be best to return to Mistress D’Kali’s house and search again, maybe this time she would find something she overlooked earlier.

“Dat be wot me doos, goes tae da hoose und sees wot me kin finds. It be vera odd dat all D’Kali’s clothes be gone. Why me wunders? Nobody cud possibly wants dem except…OH! Me tinks me be on ta sumting.”

Hurrying from the house, Emberglow made her way to Mistress D’Kali’s. Pushing on the front door, the dwarf winced as the hinges groaned as the door swung open. Entering, Ember was surprised she could still smell the faint odor of smoke. Walking over to the table she looked closely at the small heap of ashes. What was burned there, and why?
Shaking her head in puzzlement, the dwarf made her way to the kitchen and once again checked all the cabinets, and found nothing.

Climbing the stairs to the second floor, she stopped for a moment when she heard a rustle from the bedroom. Quickly throwing the bedroom door open, she looked around just in time to see a cat run by her feet.

“Yikes!! Jest a cat. Me nerves be frazzled, da damn ting scared me.”

Continuing on with her search, Ember examined the closets carefully trying to not to look at the garish walls.

“Wot be dis?”

Emberglow picked up a small piece of paper dropped in the dark corner of the closet. Moving near the window, she opened the folded note. Written in Mistress D’Kali’s embellished handwriting was a list:

1. Arrange a meeting with Q.
2. Send S. away for a few days.
3. Meeting with the brothers tomorrow.
4. Buy the leaves.

“Now this be vera interesting, me kin only guess wot it be meaning, bot nevermind dat now, it be a clue. D’Kali wuz going tae meet Quibblebonz, bot fer wot? S, dat be Sara. Da brudders haz tae be Hob und Bob, und da leaves? Wot leaves?”

The note clasped tightly in her hand, Ember decided she must find and talk to the Troll; he seemed to be involved in this mystery, but was he innocently pulled into a plot to murder the Mistress or was he part of the plan? Ember decided to stop by home before finding Quibblebonz in hopes of finding Johan there. It was going on to mid morning breakfast, after all, and where would any self-respecting Halfling be? Sitting at the table with all sorts of food in front of him.

“Har! Nae in front o’ him, bot in him!”

 

What to do? What to do? The curtain is falling soon on this little drama. Do you know who did it?

 

Chapter XXI

"A Mystery Solved?"

Disappointed she did not find Johan where she expected him to be, eating his mid-morning breakfast, Emberglow left the Inn and went in search of the Troll. Still clutching the note in her hand, she stopped for a moment and reread the list she had found in Mistress D’Kali’s house: a meeting with Q, that could only mean Quibblebonez, send S. away for a few days, that had to be Sara. The final two entries on the list were about another meeting, but this time it was with the stinky brothers and finally, a reminder to buy the leaves.

“Da leeves?? Wot kin dat mean, wot leeves? Und why send da maid away? Away where? Ack!! Dis puzzle be da deth o’ me. Der haz tae be sumting me nae seein’ heer. Tink, Emberglow Hugh, wot dis list tellin’ ye? Dat da Mistress be sendin Sara away fer a few days, bot wen? Dat da Mistress be meetin’ wit da Hoggletinkies und Quibblebonez. Wot fer? Und she be buyin sum leeves. Me needs me hunni tae talks dis over wit. Mayhaps me shud be lookin fer him und nae da Troll. Aye, dats jest wot me goin tae doos, find Johan und see iffin we kin solve dis terribul misterry, den Sweet Hollyhocks gets back tae way it be afore.”

Turning with a soft sigh, Ember retraced her steps, heading back towards the Inn. Her thoughts were racing with one idea after another, trying to solve the murder. So occupied with her thoughts, Ember never saw the large tree branch lying across the path.

“Ommph!!"

Emberglow found herself sitting, none too gently, on the path. She winced as a sharp pain wrapped itself around her ankle.

“Oh, dat herts sumting alful. Me tinks me breaks da bone in me ankil. Now me be in a pikul.”

Trying to stand, the dwarf found she could not bear any weight on her throbbing ankle. Gently easing herself back to the ground, she sat and wondered how she would get home. Suddenly, with a loud cry, she shouted, “Oh! O’corse, me kens wot da list means. Me wuz so daft nae tae sees it sooner. Me haz solved da mudder!!”

As she heard the clomping of horse hooves, Emberglow looked down the path and watched as Johan and a small army approached her.

“Johan! Me haz solved da mudder!! Comes qwik. Me haz fallen und me canna get up.”

 

Magistrate Doken stared at the Halfing then looked to his guard commander with pure befuddlement. Johan in the mean time just stood there as if he had just heard some shocking news and wanted to hear the rest.

"The town leader, D'Kali who was murdered but two days ago is the murder I speak of, what tragic thing do you speak of Halfling?" Doken asked.

"Now that is some news I tell yas, Mistress D'Kali dead eh? Murdered even eh? Well there could only be one person who would be doin something like that I tells yas. I would put good money on a walkin, talkin elf mage named Alys. So why yas looking for the Dew Drop?" Johan began rambling. Doken and his three dozen soldiers looked like a daze spell was cast on them.

"Listen here Halfling, take me to the Dew Drop Inn now or be arrested and put in the stocks until your mouth can learn to keep itself quiet." Doken managed to bark out. Johan looked at him for a minute and smiled.

"Well yas just of said yas was lookin for the Dew Drop I can takes yas there ifin yas wants me to. Just follow me I tells yas." Johan replied and Doken almost fell out of his saddle. Johan then started to walk off in the opposite direction of the little hamlet.

"I thought this road takes us to Sweet Hollyhocks." Doken said aloud.
"Oh it does but the road is covered in uhmm, locusts and they will eat yas skin off. I be taking yas around them. Where are we going again?" Johan answered then questioned. Doken just shut his eyes in disbelief.

 

“Johan! Me haz solved da mudder!! Comes qwik. Me haz fallen und me canna get up.”

As the small army approached her, Ember wondered why they were coming from the opposite direction, but knowing Johan and his strange Halfling reasoning, she just shook her head.

When the Halfling reached her, she looked up and said, “Oh, me hunni, ‘tis goot tae sees ye. Me haz hert me ankil sumting terribul, will ye helps me up?”

Johan leaned over and grasping Ember’s hands gently pulled her up. Grimacing with pain, the dwarf quickly leaned on Johan’s shoulder and whispered, “Johan, me haz solved da mudder me tinks, shud we tells dis silly Magi strait or waits?”

“See here you two, what is going on? First I meet this…this Halfling, who looks astounded that a murder has taken place in his small town, and then we take a path that circles the village because of man eating locusts, which I may say, has delayed me for hours, and now we meet up with a dwarf sitting in the middle of the road. If you both want to keep yourselves out of the stocks one of you better answer me posthaste!”

Johan turned and softly asked Ember, “What is posthaste? Do yas think yas can eats it? It sounds tasty.”

Realizing how angry the he was, Ember smiled sweetly and answered the Magistrate, “Sir, me haz fallen und herts me foot. Johan be me husband and we owns da Dew Drop Inn und da Short Supply Store in town. Iffin ye all follows, we takes ye tae da Inn where me makes ye a goot supper while ye freshen up. Dat be all rite wit ye, Magi strait?”