Sir Raniac and the faeries

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[delurk]

Thought I might post this here. It's my attempt at imitating a medieval ballad and it's based on an old Swedish one. Without further ado, here goes:


***


The ballad of sir Raniac and the faeries

Sir Raniac rides at the break of day,
- a mist does roll through wood and glade -
Over hills, over fields so swiftly away
- he hastens towards the rising sun.

It was Sir Raniac, his cloak was red,
To Arberdan headed, to home he sped.

One morn, 'twas spring, he rode in a wood,
He came to a glade where a tall oak stood.

Saw Faeries dancing about the tree,
The King and his daughter he did see.

The daughter said: "Knight, may I dance with thee?
Wilt thou fly and flutter in the ring with me?

So come, fair knight, while the faery-folk's flute
Does whistle and whisper, under bough, over root,

With the Forest Daughter fly round the tree.
Oh fair sir knight, wilt thou dance with me?"

Sir Raniac spake, his heart was wary,
Did raise his voice, answered the faery:

"Thine offer fair, I would accept
But I’ve travelled far and little slept,

And long yet the way - I cannot tarry,
Tomorrow eve my beloved I shall marry.

Nay gentle sprite, for no dance can I stay -
Now fare thee well, I must away.”

“If thou wouldst not dance with me,
Then but plague and grief thy ghost shall see.”

It is sir Raniac, he gallops away,
- a mist does roll through wood and glade -
His home to behold by the end of the day,
- he hastens towards the rising sun.

But ne’er to have bride, nor feast with mirth:
With worms he shall dine and marry the earth.


***


Constructive criticism of any kind is very welcome. Also, I'm not yet all too familiar with the grammar involved in using pronouns like thou and thee properly, so if you spot any weirdness concerning that, do point it out.

Hope you enjoyed it.

Edit: Oh yeah, Arberdan isn't a place in Sweden, but a city in the Land of Argyle. Just so nobody gets funny ideas.

[relurk]

 

At first glance, it's very good! I'll read it with a more critical eye tomorrow and maybe come up with some constructive input, but for now all I can say is this:

STOP LURKING AND POST MORE!

 

Ditto on what Rally said - I like what I glanced at in a hurry, and will definitely come back and read it over again.

Looks good!


For something REALLY medieval, you might want to try some Alliterative verse - it was a common thing in medieval verses, and really says something for the wordcrafting skills of the author.

my two bits

 

Yeah, what they said, nice work

But what is it that ryhmes with Sun?

 

Nothing rhymes with sun. I have yet to see a medieval ballad where the refrain rhymes, so I didn't bother either.

Alliterative verse. Völuspá, Sonatorrek, Beowulf, etc... Good stuff. Hardly more medieval than ballads, though, just generally earlier.

Thanks. Looking forward to hearing some constructive criticism.

 

Not bad Namuras, you scallywag. Reminds me of the Ballad of Bob.

 

the land of argyll eh?? nay it should be Aberdeenshire, its where i live, and im proud of it, the name Argyll died eons ago its now either Kincardine and Deeside or Aberdeenshire, and the city, suprise suprise is Aberdeen

but time for my thoughts on the poem


BRILLIANT!!! WHERES THE REST OF YOUR WORK!!

 

Heh, the Land of Argyle is a fantasy world, though I'm quite aware that the name has been 'borrowed'.

Cool that you live there.

 

hmm kind of a coinsedince that the lnd of argyll has a place called arberdan and argyll in scotland has a place called aberdeen

 

Yeah, the places seem all so familiar (myself and Dalveen live close to each other, though he does, more or less, live in my house )

 

hehe, but lucky me i dont pay digs but eat all there food anyway