POLL: Sex Me Up

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OK, this is probably doomed to moderator closure, but I'll give it a whirl anyway. I'm trying to be as comprehensive as possible, but I'm sure I'll miss something. Dating, marriage, birth control, you name it. The conversation on the condoms topic got me thinking about this, and, well I haven't had a poll in a while. Perhaps this one will show some promise.

One problem is some people are married, some aren't. If you aren't married, and the question pertains to marriage, answer what you INTEND to do once you get married. If you already are married, and the question is about before you were married, then answer what you did prior to marriage.

I did not include a question on regret of the first time you had sex, because I didn't think that was a possible question to answer if you didn't yet have sex. And the "intend" idea doesn't work there either, as I doubt any would have sex if they intended to regret it later. Feel free to add that in your reply if you wish.

[ May 11, 2005, 21:21: Message edited by: Aldeth the Foppish Idiot ]

Poll Information
This poll contains 4 question(s). 83 user(s) have voted.
You may not view the results of this poll without voting.

Poll Results: Sex Me Up (83 votes.)

My first sexual partner was or I intend my first sexual partner will be a... (Choose 1)
* virgin - 41% (34)
* not a virgin - 34% (28)
* don't remember/don't care - 25% (21)

In having sex prior to marriage I... (Choose 1)
* use protection to reduce the risk of pregnancy (e.g. the pill) - 18% (15)
* use protection to reduce the risk of an STD (e.g. condoms) - 16% (13)
* both of the above - 51% (42)
* neither of the above - 4% (3)
* would not engage in sex prior to marriage - 12% (10)

During marriage... (Choose 1)
* I still use protection to reduce the risk of pregnancy - 20% (17)
* I use protection unless the intent is to get pregnant - 75% (62)
* I believe the only purpose to sex is procreation - 5% (4)

If pregnancy results... (Choose 1)
* Great! I'm married and we wanted to have a baby. - 45% (37)
* Damn! I'm married and this is another mouth to feed. - 8% (7)
* I guess I'm heading to the abortion clinic (regardless of whether married or not) - 11% (9)
* I'm not married, but I'd favor having the baby. - 30% (25)
* It is not possible for me to become pregnant/father a child - 6% (5)

 

Virgin or not virgin: I prefer a virgin. I want a virgin bride. Rape doesn't count. No one is definitely crossed out, but I have been staying away from sex before marriage and I expect the same. Before you ask, yes, I have never had it. I have never asked and I have always politely but firmly declined.

Sex before marriage: No sex before marriage for me. I will not have sex, no matter what arguments are used. I realise that women may have various reasons for asking and I'm not going to lash out on a girl trying to show me how she loves me and thinking this were the right way. I still wouldn't have sex before marriage, though. No way. [EDIT]Before anyone asks, oral sex is still sex. Some physical display of feelings is all right, but not something which looks like foreplay without a final. Nothing that results in orgasm, either.[/EDIT]

Contraception during marriage: No contraception during marriage. And no, I don't believe that sex is only for making children. And I don't treat my future wife as a child factory. But no contraception. NFP yes. Contraception no. So I can't answer your question because none of the answers applies to me.[EDIT]One Catholic rule is that oral sex or getting an orgasm without a full intercourse doesn't count as abstinence. It's non-option. Basically, when orgasm is aimed for, there must be a full potentially fruiful intercourse.[/EDIT]

Pregnancy: Only going to happen when I'm married and having children is one of the reasons you get married, anyway. Welcome on board, little one.

[ May 11, 2005, 21:55: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

LOL! - sometimes your comments just kill me chev.

And I mean that I think it's funny - not that I'm making fun of you - in case you thought otherwise.

 

Simple: sex, no marriage, no children, relationship lasts as long as we both feel like it, then to our own ways. Is the partner virgin or not, doesn't matter, and I think it's rather silly to give marriage more important position that it really should have. In any case, striped condoms == good.

 

Interesting stuff.

For question 1, I think most people will answer 'virgin' but primarily because most people are young when they first do it and it is likely that their partner will be young as well so that increases the chance that they too will be a virgin.

I'm married with one kid and it wouldn't be the end of the world if we had another one but some form of protection is required if you don't want to end up broke, with 25 kids and a wife who is permanently pregnant. Back in the old days, it was 'OK' because half of them were going to die anyway so you wouldn't have to feed them, but these days it is impractical to have a new baby each year.

 

Definently no kids for some time and no marriage either. Condoms all the way and I prefer women with some expirience.

 

My first sexual partner was not a virgin.

In having sex prior to marriage I... use protection to reduce the risk of an STD (e.g. condoms)

If pregnancy results... I guess I'm heading to the abortion clinic (regardless of whether married or not)

 

Thanks for taking the Catholic stand chevalier. However even as a Catholic, I disagree with the church's stance on contraception during marriage. NFP is a form of contracenption as much as the dogmatics within the church would like to call it something else, which is my second largest problem with the Humane Vitae. The first is that they label all forms of birth control from barrier to sterilization to chemical to withdrawal as unnatural. I cannot argue about barriers or sterilization, but withdrawal (which is a laughable means of preventing pregnancy and should not be used ever. Also it does nothing to stop the spread of disease.) and chemical contraception should not be labeled as unnatural and therefore against the precepts of the church. The chemicals being provided in birth control pills can be found endogenously within almost all women, so I cannot call them "unnatural."

 

A ban on contraception during marriage is silly, unless you want to feed 20 kids, or never have sex during marriage (which would be a bit rough given that you didn't do it before marriage either).

 

chev, I feel sorry for you

 

Chev, you set yourself very high goals and I sincerely wish you well in finding someone who shares them. Just please don't look down on those of us who live to different standards.

 

Though I champion a Religeous stance, I have a past that I'm not to proud of. My answers in the poll reflected that.

I will not, however, engage in pre-marital sex. My future wife may or may not be a virgin. Being over 30, there is a chance that my future wife may be widowed or divorced, or she, like me, may have a past that she's not proud of. At that point, her and I would only look to the future. In Marriage, I do not expect to use contraception, but if pregnancy is a danger to her health, or our financial situation is dire, we may discuss that with our Bishop and in prayer. In Marriage, however, Pregnancy is always a possibility, and her and I will be required to go forth with faith. We would have some supports (family, friends and the Church) for what we need (spiritually, temporally and simple help).

 

Question 4 was really the only tough one here. There was no real option for me. We never planned a second baby - she just happened. I would not consider a third child, even though unplanned, "another mouth to feed." And although I defend a woman's right to choose I would never consider abortion. That's right, one can still be pro-choice and not be in favor of abortion.

But my point is that our "unplanned child" has not made us any poorer, but that much richer, as did our first, and any others that may follow.

 

With the last question - option 2: probably one of the main things which screws up society. Really - if you can't get to looking at the bright side of this, what are the chances of the kid having a good childhood...? 'Oh yeah, we didn't really want you, you're just another mouth to feed. Go angst and commit suicide or something.'

 

I try not to have sex before marriage. I see sex as God's wedding-gift. I do not mind marrying someone who is not a virgin, though, how odd that may be.

I would not engage in sex before marriage, at least, that's what I try, but it is pretty darn hard, if you want my opinion.

Sex is something to enjoy, not just a way to populise the world. I will use condoms if I do not intend to have children.

I will not head to an abortion clinic, unless my wife's health and life is in serious danger. If she gets pregnant, it will probably be intended.

 

@ Chandros and dmc

Sorry for the limited choices on #4. The intent of that question was not to imply that anyone would consider aborting a child because they had so little money that they couldn't afford to feed it.

The intent was more of a planning to get pregnant, versus not planning to get pregnant question. In other words a couple becomes pregnant, even though they were not planning on it, and there is some other factor (be that monetary, career, etc.) that made the timing of the pregnancy very inconvenient. However, the premise of the first two responses was that the child would be kept, and ultimately loved in both cases.

I also have to admit to a bit of projecting myself into option 2. If I were to go home tonight and my wife told me she was pregnant, well, after reviving from feinting, I'd be less than thrilled. I'd be happy that I was going to be a father, but at the same time, it would put me under a terrible amount of stress due to my inability to be with my wife, as I go to work during the day, and I'm starting night school in a couple of months. So option 2 would probably be better stated "I wasn't planning on getting pregnant, but I definitely would have this child."

 

Aldeth,

Couldn't answer #4 100% accurately, my wife could get pregnant again, but the odds of me being the father are low (unless the vas deferens reconnect on their own!). So my answer would be, "unless the test proved it was mine, time for family court and divorce"

 

That's the last option then...

 

I don't care about wether or not she's a virgin. If I'm having sex with someone, it means that I love them. That means that their past doesn't matter much if at all.

Sex before pregnancy? See above, and yes please, especially considering I'm not even *eligible* for marriage for another two years, to my knowledge, and if I find the right girl, I won't be bound by ceremonies. I'd use protection, both to prevent pregnancy and to reduce the STD risk. That also goes for sex AFTER marriage. I don't intend to procreate at all, and if I will, it'll be in the later stages of my life (think 30s or so) while I'd happily marry in early twenties (or even the day after I turn 18) if I've been in a relation for a while and I think that's I've found The One.

In case of pregnancy, again, marriage doesn't matter. The girl who's carrying the child gets to make the final say (someone has to cut the knot, and *she* is carrying it around) but I'd be strongly in favour of keeping the child.
Not unlike Chandos, I defend the right of choice, and if other people make that choice such, that's IMHO their good right, but I'd want to keep the child; that'd be my choice and that's my good right.