Prince[ss] Charming and that White Horse

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Always in times of breakups or just plain lonliness my friends have always said to me "Don't worry, Jan, there's someone out there for everyone." In this world of science and skepticism, many people still draw courage from the idea that somewhere out there is a person who is perfect for them, just waiting to be swept (or sweep them) off their feet. Reading through the Relationship Rant Thread I've realised that there are a number of opinions on the subject.

Personally, I have to admit I am a cynic. In my head there is no "perfect person" out there waiting for me to enter their life, just a lot of lonely people all scrambling to be noticed and pair off into mutual love. I have noticed that the only people who actually believe this seem to be either in a happy (or desperately unhappy) relationship, or hopeless romantics who live in the hope that one day their Prince[ss] will come. Certainly Disney movies add to the score to be sure.

So is there really a destined love for everyone? Or are we all blindly grasping for something that doesn't truly exist?

 

I don't think there's a pre-designed person for everybody and that everybody has a 'soulmate'. However due to the sheer number of people on the planet there is bound to be somebody for anybody. While not perfect the relationship would be one that both would be happy in.

People are human. Humans aren't perfect. No matter what happens your loved one will let you down eventually in some area or another. If you believe in there being a perfect person for you then you'll also believe that the perfect person would never let you down. Having been let down you will no longer view your current lover as a perfect person and you'll run off looking for Mr/Mrs perfect and leaving your old lover who possibly only had a few flaws (in your opinion) and those flaws could be ignored or coped with.

Love is all about compromise.

As for destiny? Nope. But statistical probablility would say that there is somebody out there for everybody.

 

I'd say the answer to both of those questions are no. I do not believe there is one particular person in the world for everyone. Quite to the contrary, I think there are MANY people in the world with whom any one given person would be compatible with (kind of like how there are many professions which a person may find fulfilling). I definitely don't prescribe to the theory that there is only one special person in the world for you to meet, and if you don't meet that person, you'll be miserable and lonely for the rest of your life.

I think this is an entirely reasonable position. There are well over 6 billion people in the world. Don't you find it odd that 99% of the world's population have that one special person live within 50 miles of them? Or attend the same school they do at the same time they do? What would happen if that one special person you had to marry lived in Siberia, and you have no intentions of ever going to Siberia? It is more reasonable to assume that there are lots of people out there for everyone.

That is not to say that everyone is compatible with everyone. Within any given population, there is probably a relatively small percentage of people with whom you would be compatible enough to have a relationship, and surely a small percentage of people you'd be willing to marry. I have no idea what that percentage is, but given that most people marry at some point in their lives, it can't be that small. Even if you are only compatible with 1% of the population, you will meet hundreds of people throughout the course of your life that will qualify.

 

I believe so.

The misconception people carry is that their true love or soul mate is alive when they are.

My Prince Charming didn't have a horse. He came in a white dinghy.

 

Shure, but due of the sheer number of people on the planet the chances of actually meeting her are, the very least, non-existent.

Many people seem to be fantasizing about sappy romances and stuff like that. Dream, meet Reality.

 

A cinderella strory for guys: The princess who slept for seven years

Now the thing is that most of the girls look for the prince charming and most of the guys look for those princesses, the rapunzels and the sleeping beauties, maybe even some of the princes look for those cinderellas. Usually they find each other. But people learn to expect a thing from a fairytale, and that's the problem. The charming princes lose their charm, since charm's on the outside. Fairytales never tell what happens after 'they lived happily ever after'. That's usually when things go wrong. Normal life doesn't live up to the expectations. So what happens is that a lot of people quit that story and start it all over again from the beginning with a new prince(ss).

It sucks. Big time.

It's a recurring theme in Terry Pratchett's books. People make stories real, since they believe in them. Thay want to believe them. But the stories go only so far and when real life hits people in the face after the supposed happy ending, they just bounce right back into their lala-land instead of getting real.

 

Not that we are any different. Sucks to be a human, no?

Much simpler when it's all about sex and meeting the nature's demands instead of some high-flying philosophies.

 

If I were to believe in the one single soulmate idea, that would have to be on a sort of religious level, and it's not like I find grounds for it there, actually. I believe that most people will at some point meet someone they want to marry. That's the nature's course. So yes, then they will feel like they have found their true love and all. Probably the best pick out of a larger number. That could only reinforce the belief in the one soulmate. But in reality, there is more than one chance in life and there is more than one person with whom a more or less bearable lawfully wedded coexistence is possible.

Since a person can only marry one other person in our culture, it's obvious that there is already someone out there whom you don't know yet or at least don't know to be your future spouse. This leads to ideas such as it's only a matter of finding the predestined person. But that's wrong. One finds a spouse more than the spouse. Of course, some choices are better than others and, normally, there is no tie to the top if the criteria are sharp enough. But this doesn't make the predestination thing right.

 

Urithrand
don't bother waiting that Princess Charming will come to you, charging, and storm your fortress on her white horse. That's unlikely to happen. You'll get grey waiting for it. You can still do something.

Have fun. Go out, meet new people, or learn to know people you know better, go on parties. Relax. Things tend to right themselves once you feel comfortable with yourself again. Easier said than done, but that's it.

 

In my humble opinion there is no perfection in this world. To have a perfect love (on a white horse/car/jet/whatever) come to you is therefore completely unlikely to happen. Not only you will get grey as Ragusa said, most probably you will pass to the next level of existence before that happens.

There are only levels of compromising that exist even in love. The less you do the more happy you are. That is the best i think it can happen as a rule.

Soul mates as the platonic philosophy teaches, is not in the form of material level (i mean sexual). The philosophy speaks about the platonic level (which is the spiritual part). Soul mate can be someone from your own gender, that have no intention of seeing him/her as a lover.

Usually the person that causes that fireworks to start working within you, after a while is just another person (ok not exactly but you know what i mean). That also in my language is quite different as a word than love.

Love comes through time, passion wears off through time. The latter is what usually causes us to hook up with a person, the former comes from staying with a person for some time.

 

Soul mates are a fiction and an illusion. Any good man and any good woman can have a successful and happy marriage if and only if both are willing to pay the price.

There's no prince charming to come to your rescue, and there's no princess that is waiting for you to rescue her from boredom/torment. There are just other lonely people like us who seek the company of others and ultimately a mate with whom they can have this dream relationship.

The idea of dating is to guage what that price is and whether you feel that you can rejoice in their company years from now when the newness of the relationship wears off.

It sounds good, but I find it's harder then heck to find that...

 

But the fact is there's somebody for everybody. Whether you find them or not is moot.

 

And pigs fly. It's proven, even if you can't find them.

 

I wasn't really speaking so much on a personal level, more on the theoretical. Perhaps I worded the question wrong. Everyone you meet has a potential as a partner. Some of these people clash in far too many ways to be taken seriously, and others clash less and end up as friends.

What I mean is, do you believe there is someone out there who is so compatible with you that you (should you meet) would inevitably fall into requited love, whether you like it or not? Call it what you will, destiny or soulmates or whatever, do you believe that such partners exist?

Don't get us all started on that again... Hetero and Homo couples both included.

 

For any two people to co-exist in harmony, the price must be paid. Why I run afoul with people here is that they demand a price I am unwilling to pay, and I likewise require a price they see no reason to pay. I speak of Heterosexual couples because I don't want to be involved with homosexual relations (or even know the details)...

 

@ Gnarff: Fair enough, point taken. My apologies, I re-read your post and I think I must've misinterpreted it the first time round

 

And what about the abusers in our society? Is there a perfect partner for a pedophiles or someone who just likes to beat the s**t out of their partner because they have such a low self esteem that they don't know how to have a normal relationship? If you were to say that there is someone for everyone then you would have to assume the abused partner enjoyed being abused and was able to equally contribute to a healthy happy parnership. Not to mention that the abuser would be happy with his or her own behavior.

Our world is too screwed up and human beings are far too complex for there to be a soul mate for everyone.

 

One could argue that these people have not yet met the person who could make them realise the error in their ways. Who's to say that the wife beater might not one day find a woman who he'd rather die than hurt? I am not defending such people in the slightest, but it is perhaps a bit rash to condemn them to a life time of being such.

Somehow I seem to have switched viewpoint here Or am I just playing devil's advocate? I can't even tell myself anymore

 

@Urithrand:

I'm sure he didn't mean to underline that only men and women can have fully complementary relationships (which is, however, true), or to single out homo couples. Thing is, gay rights and all, the society still can't digest the idea of talking like, "one day you will find your man or woman". It's going to take a couple decades yet, I guess, and with God's help maybe it won't happen at all. Please don't drag gay rights into this, which I would sort of understand if you were gay yourself, which you are not, as rights are one thing and how we see love is something different. If they just want to make it legal and in people's face, I'll vote against them. If they (=the authorities) want to make legal gay "marriage" and adoption, I'll vote against them and preach against them. But if they want me to change the way I think, I'll take a bloody gun. I will not speak of "any two people" as if your random human were gay or straight at a 50/50 chance.

 

Chev, did you actually read my last post but one?