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Post Your Jokes Here!

Discussion in 'Whatnots' started by Taluntain, Nov 10, 2004.

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Page 17 of 26

  1. Stu Gems: 20/31
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    Remove all ads!
    Biffle Chump,
    I wrote the Hydrogen atom and the neutron jokes at the bottom of my chemistry test in term one this year. Ionly got one bonus mark for the two, but that was enough to give me a 40/40.
     
    Stu, Jul 17, 2005
    #321

  2. Oaz Gems: 29/31
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    Standard deviation not enough for perverted statisician.

    ---

    Perverted Kelloggs worker comes in specially marked boxes.
     
    Oaz, Jul 17, 2005
    #322

  3. Biffle Chump Gems: 5/31
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    @Stu. That is awesome.
     
    Biffle Chump, Jul 17, 2005
    #323

  4. Yirimyah Gems: 11/31
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    A 20-something socialite was in a store one day trying on a dress.
    "Excuse me, do you think this dress is too low?" she asked an assistant at the store.
    "Madam, do you have hair on your chest?"
    "Of course not! How dare you!"
    "Then madam, this dress is too low."
     
    Yirimyah, Jul 18, 2005
    #324

  5. Son of Bhaal Gems: 17/31
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    Probably only amusing to ppl in the UK...

    An Essex girl and n Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing. She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?" So the Irish guy smiles,puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot" "Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them.
     
    Son of Bhaal, Jul 18, 2005
    #325

  6. Biffle Chump Gems: 5/31
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    The following jokes are racist, and I wouldn't have posted them if my car wasn't stolen by a member of the race in question. Read at your own risk and by your own volition.


    What do you call a thousand white guys running down a mountian?

    Avalanche!

    What do you call a thousand black guys running down a mountain?

    Mudslide!

    What do you call a thousand hispanics running down a mountain?

    Jail-Break!


    ---------

    Q. Why did the hispanic student sue her english teacher for abortion fees?

    A. He told her to do an essay.
     
    Biffle Chump, Jul 19, 2005
    #326
  7. Felinoid

    Felinoid Who did the what now?

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    Scooby Dooby Doo: mystery-solving canine who smokes a joint every once in a while.

    Scoody Boody Boo: the moment of surprise when you see a dog scooting his butt across the carpet.
     
    Felinoid, Jul 24, 2005
    #327

  8. Biffle Chump Gems: 5/31
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    My cat does that. It's really quite disturbing.
     
    Biffle Chump, Jul 25, 2005
    #328

  9. Blog Gems: 23/31
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    Found this in Babble.ca

     
    Blog, Jul 26, 2005
    #329

  10. kuemper Gems: 31/31
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    This is one my hubby told me the other day.

    A duck walks into a bar, waddles up to the counter and asks, "Can I have a beer?"

    The bartender peers over at the duck and replies, "No, we don't serve ducks here."

    The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Can I have a beer?"

    The bartender answers quite angrily, "No, we don't serve ducks and if you ask me again I'll nail your beak shut!"

    Again, the duck comes back the next day and asks, "Got any nails?"

    The bartender is taken aback, saying, "No, no nails."

    "Good. Can I have a beer?"
     
    kuemper, Jul 27, 2005
    #330

  11. Lord Garak Gems: 7/31
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    A skeleton walks into the doctors office.

    The doctor looks up and says.

    "Don't you think you came a little bit late.

    ____________________________

    It's a bit old and related to a ceratin big wave but what the heck.

    Phone rings. Osama picks it up.

    "Yes?"

    "Osama Bin Laden?"

    "Yes. Who is this?"

    "This is good."

    "Oh. Hello god."

    "Did you see the Tsunamy?"

    "Yes."

    "Beat that."
     
    Lord Garak, Jul 27, 2005
    #331

  12. Pac man Gems: 25/31
    Latest gem: Moonbar

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    WW2 online


    *Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
    *Eisenhower has joined the game.*
    *paTTon has joined the game.*
    *Churchill has joined the game.*
    *benny-tow has joined the game.*
    *T0J0 has joined the game.*
    *Roosevelt has joined the game.*
    *Stalin has joined the game.*
    *deGaulle has joined the game.*
    Roosevelt: hey sup
    T0J0: y0
    Stalin: hi
    Churchill: hi
    Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
    paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
    T0JO: lol
    Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
    benny-tow: haha america sux
    Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
    Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
    Stalin: cool
    deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
    Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
    Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
    Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
    Roosevelt: get antiair guns
    Churchill: i cant afford them
    benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
    paTTon: stfu
    Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
    deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
    Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
    paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
    Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
    deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
    *deGaulle has left the game.*
    Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
    benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
    benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
    Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
    T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
    Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
    T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
    Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
    Hitler[AoE]: wtf
    Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
    Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
    Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
    Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
    T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
    Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
    Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
    Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
    benny-tow: haha
    benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon
    sum1
    T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
    Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
    Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
    Stalin: church help me
    Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
    Stalin: dont be an arss
    Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
    Eisenhower: LOL
    benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
    Hitler: o man ur focked
    paTTon: oh what now biotch
    Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
    *benny-tow has been eliminated.*
    benny-tow: lame
    Roosevelt: gj patton
    paTTon: thnx
    Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
    Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
    Eisenhower: Nuts!
    benny~tow: wtf that mean?
    Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
    paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
    Stalin: rofl
    T0J0: HAHAHHAA
    Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
    Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
    *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
    benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
    Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
    Stalin: OMG LMAO!
    Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
    *Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
    paTTon: hahahhah
    T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
    benny~tow: shut up noob
    Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
    paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
    Eisenhower: yah me too
    T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
    Eisenhower: fock u
    paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
    Stalin: go to hell lol
    paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
    Eisenhower: yah this is gay
    *Roosevelt has left the game.*
    Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
    Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
    *tru_m4n has joined the game.*
    tru_m4n: hi all
    T0J0: hey
    Stalin: sup
    Churchill: hi
    tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
    tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
    Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
    tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
    Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
    T0J0: wtf is nukes?
    T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
    *T0J0 has been eliminated.*
    *The Allied team has won the game!*
    Eisenhower: awesome!
    Churchill: gg noobs no re
    T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
    *T0J0 has left the game.*
    *Eisenhower has left the game.*
    Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for
    ****
    Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
    tru_m4n: l8r all
    benny~tow: bye
    Churchill: l8r
    Stalin: fock u all
    tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
    *tru_m4n has left the game.*
    benny~tow: lololol u commie
    Churchill: ROFL
    Churchill: bye commie
    *Churchill has left the game.*
    *benny~tow has left the game.*
    Stalin: i hate u all fags
    *Stalin has left the game.*
    paTTon: lol no1 is left
    paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
    *paTTon has been eliminated.*
    paTTon: o sh1t!
    *paTTon has left the game.*
     
    Pac man, Jul 29, 2005
    #332

  13. Son of Bhaal Gems: 17/31
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    ROFLMAO! Liked that PAC!!!
     
    Son of Bhaal, Jul 29, 2005
    #333

  14. Yirimyah Gems: 11/31
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    Kuemper, it's been posted already.
     
    Yirimyah, Jul 30, 2005
    #334

  15. kuemper Gems: 31/31
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    Blind leading the blind...
     
    kuemper, Jul 30, 2005
    #335
  16. Felinoid

    Felinoid Who did the what now?

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    That reminds me of an old joke.

    "A man walks into a bar. Ouch."

    And then, of course, there's the one about the dyslexic man who walks into a bra. Lucky skunk. :(

    [ July 30, 2005, 17:54: Message edited by: Felinoid ]
     
    Felinoid, Jul 30, 2005
    #336
  17. Arabwel

    Arabwel Screaming towards Apotheosis Veteran

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    A nun, a rabbi, a lawyer, a doctor, and a man with a duck under his arm wlalk into a bar. The bartender looks at them ans a says, "Is this supposed to be a joke?"
     
    Arabwel, Jul 30, 2005
    #337
  18. Barmy Army

    Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Adored Veteran

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    LOL, that's good Pacman.

    A bloke is in a queue at the Super Market when he notices
    that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and
    smiled hello to him.

    He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, And
    although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he
    says "Sorry, do you know me?"

    She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of
    one of my children!"

    His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful,
    "Christ!" he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I
    shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate
    whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?"

    "No" she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher"

    :lol: :lol:
     
    Barmy Army, Jul 30, 2005
    #338
  19. Felinoid

    Felinoid Who did the what now?

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    TMI, Barmy. :sick:
     
    Felinoid, Jul 30, 2005
    #339
  20. Barmy Army

    Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Adored Veteran

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    What's TMI?
     
    Barmy Army, Jul 30, 2005
    #340
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