Relationship Rant thread

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I remember a Dutch girl at work used to flirt heavily with me, bring me sweets every day, come over to my desk to visit, though she worked in a different department, and one day at a concert after work she even put her arm around me, and I was thinking to myself "I don't think she is interested in me!"

It makes me laugh to think back to this (and to tell others the story), but it is also very sad for me.

Now that she is back in Holland, she will not even speak to me in messenger.

 

Well... if you're interested, you can always show it. No "am I pretty" kind of stuff because you can get an honest yes without any personal interest in it, but trying to find out if you're talking on the same wave, as we call it here. Still, the mere fact someone considers you attractive doesn't mean the person is attracted and if the person is attracted still doesn't mean her or she has any kind of romance in mind. I've even seen married people admit to attraction to someone and turn the whole thing into a joke. Saint-Exupery said that to love didn't mean to look on each other but to look in the same direction. That would be more like it. Still, love doesn't necessarily mean romantic love. However, if there is love, it's easier to get over the romantic thing and take what is there for what is, instead of trying to turn it into something which it isn't. Love can take many forms. While the love to one's wife or husband is the most important one, it doesn't mean that the other people one loves, family and good friends are unimportant.

 

i'm 23 but i still wait for the girls to ask me out and that doesnt happen often, 2-3 times a year at most. it's not that easy to overcome fear of rejection. i recently tried my luck and got rejeced. it stinks. now i see why there is such a fear in human heart

Another Edit, man i suck at spelling

 

That's quite a good score for a guy. But the whole dating thing sucks. How about just hanging around places where people like you are? Clubs, organisations, etc? Fellow roleplayers, people who have the same religion, the same kind of political views, similar hobbies? It's good to have many friends and sparkles sooner or later start sparkling between you and one of the female friends.

 

that's exactly how i get to date. i spend most of my time at cafes and bars where pals from my school hang out. we go to games and concerts together but when you wait to be asked out all the time, you usually end up dating girls whom you find attractive but not had in mind as the first choice. And usually the girls you like date your friends . i guess mutual attraction is not that common in life as they are in movies

 

And the girls who date you probably date your friends as well. You can never be sure. No matter what happens, you never know. That's one of the things which suck in the whole concept of dating. One had better just have friends and then things are clear when some romantic transpires.

 

"Romantic and romantic..." You are beginning to sound like a woman, mooning over love and romance before anything else. Who cares is there anything like that or does it even EXIST if you get what you want?

After all, women speak about "love" when they want you to fund the kids longer than the next two months.

 

You know what I think sucks most about the whole friends first-approach? No one ever wants to screw up a friendship, and one sdide developing feelinggs when the other doesn'ät sucks worse than PoR.

Also, it turns all your friends of suitable gender/orientation into potential dates, to not to put too fine a point on it, and thjat also sucks.

Friendship is one thing, and romance/dating one.

 

Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can't combine the two or that friends are out of question. Ideally, your future mate had better be a good friend as well as romantic lover. Romantic things are fickle without friendship. The crush dies and makes a big poof. With some friendship, you can rekindle it, revive it or even manage without.

 

Never date anyone you work with, or go to college with!

 

@Cesard: Why?

 

It can be awkard for people around you, especially if you date your boss. And don't even get me started on how hard things can be if you break up.

 

But what if someone you work with (or go to college with) is/could be love of your life?

 

If someone is the love of your life, you will know. If the love of your life were so fickle as not survive under such a general rule as "no looking for romance in job or college," all other, weaker loves should be totally unnoticeable. If it's the love of your life, you will notice. And he or she surely will, as well.

 

Never saw this thread before... hell why not?

I used to never get attached and break up after a couple weeks at most, dunno why exactly, I just did. Any good psychologist could certainly explain that and my addiction to chocolate, don't give a damn (yet?) though...

Then this one girl from my class I've known for years suddenly becomes interested in me. We go out, neither of us very serious about it at first. Next thing I know we're a regular couple... the relationship has been somewhat uneasy if not downright orageous but for some reason it kept going (actually we broke up several times only to resume later)

At some point, I actually thought I was... *gasp* in love with her. Sure learned a lot about those strange 'sentiments' things I was previously immune to. Now I don't know... pretty sure she's isn't as interested in me as she is interested in being with me (makes sense?). It's been a year, but I get the feeling we're still strangers at times, well in some aspects we are...

Lately I've been seeing this other girl a lot, never thought of her as a potential girlfriend and I don't think she fancies me either... we just get along well. No way we'd be more than friends, still I noticed I had much more fun spending time with her than with my actual girlfriend. Found out I could talk to her about just anything from macroeconomics to porno movies while conversations with my gf are somewhat... unfulfilling.

I keep telling myself that having fun with a friend you're not attracted to and no fun with your gf indicates the time is right for some serious celibate.

Yet... something.

Could someone tell me why am I posting this? I must be turning into a girl...

 

It sounds like you need to talk to her, thats all I can say...

 

Well, it's always different when you talk to a romantic partner than when you talk to a casual friend, especially a good one. After all, one isn't supposed to talk to a girlfriend or boyfriend about his or her attractions to other people, previous experience and other such stuff. It only gives hurts, especially if you don't exactly agree on what's proper and what isn't.

If friendship is more fulfilling than love, then something's wrong with the love. I would connect this with the idea that she's more interested in being with you than in you as a person. No one enjoys being an object. If you don't see a future for it, perhaps it's time to think about breaking up. I wouldn't jump into anything with the other girl who's a great friend. If she's a good friend doesn't mean she would be a good girlfriend.

 

Hmm, so the Boneheaded Bastard finally replied.

Only to tell me that he is in the verge of falling for someone else.

*headdesk*

 

Well, he truly has earned that title of "Boneheaded Bastard", then. No matter Ara; there's always Antonio!

 

Meh, Antonio is married.

Oh well, Enrique isn't...