Relationship Rant Thread #3

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Well, this guy I mentioned was online earlier, and boy did my stomach totally flip wwhen I saw that he was. from the way I am totally tongue-tied et cetera, I am rather certain that I do, in fact, have a crush on him.

So, I asked him for a coffee tomorrow since I will be in his part of the world.. but, unfortunately he is busy. we did agree, however, that next time I am around and he is not busy, we will be going out for coffee so.. progress!

amusingly enough, he is SO not my usual type, being good 3 inches shorter than I am and would be blond if not for the fact that he is bald. Of course, he IS still 20 years older than i am and lives on the other side of the country

 

Alright time for my little rant/question thing. I'm not very articulate today (if you can ever call me articulate) so bear with me...
What is everyone's opinion of long disance relationships? Can they work out? From your experience/opinions do they work out? My girlfriend of 2 years and 8 months is leaving for australia in a couple months, and while I ma excited for her (she gets to intern at a dance company) I also am very sad. I would like to keep the relationship alive as best I can, and she feels the same way, for the most part. However I don't want to chain her down to me, I would rather that she be free to live her life without having to worry about me back home. Anyways, if you can make sense of all that, thoughts?

 

@Caradhras: Long-term is the only real way. Short-term relationship is not a relationship. By this I don't mean making any big promises early on, of course. It's just relationships aren't meant for fun, as quick fixes. If she wants to see some more guys, that's her right. Fine. But if she was being romantic with you in the beginning and then told you she wasn't ready for long-term, that means she has some growing up to do.

@deepfae: They can but they are difficult. They probably fail in most cases, too. But your case is different from the usual. You've been together for quite a long time in real life and real life is also how it started. You will be missing the physical presence and you will suffer from increased longing, but the problem of possible misunderstanding and disappointment is greatly reduced.

As for chaining down, neither of you need to date around and, since you're a bf and gf, not a husband and wife, if you fall in love with someone else, you can still leave. Same in long distance as in normal relationships. If the chemistry burns out even without meeting anyone new, that's also life. You can both still meet and get to know people as friends, so you shouldn't be missing out on any meaningful presence in your life. So it's just that you won't be fishing. Some people don't fish as a rule, even if they are single.

 

Argh! I HATE LONG-DISTANCE!



Ahem... the last such relationship I had ended pretty grimly. So for me, long-distance leaves me skeptical. But I'm not here to be a killjoy, do I, so I wish the best of luck that it will work out.

 

!

 

I'm so proud!

Is there a male version of "Mrs Robinson"?

 

I disagree.


Thats all I am going to say because I don't feel like arguing with Chev right now.

 

Sheesh. I'm so madly in love that it hurts. I'm almost hyperventilating. I hope for her to answer to my mails and text messages like a shipwrecked hopes for a ship to pass.

It's ridiculous. I'm checking my mail almost constantly and every time she hasn't written back I'm like "What? She hasn't answered me for 21 hours! I blew it!"

And when she answers I get all giddy that I don't know whether to laugh or cry out of joy.

It's been such a short time and I'm hoping for far too much for my own good, but we're connecting on so many levels. She's perfect. OMG she's so cute! So beautiful! And so nice that I'll condemn myself to the lowest pit of hell if she doesn't want to be with me, if I'm not good enough for her.

She's something I've been waiting for almost all my life. She'll be one of my best friends if nothing happens after all, but I'm just going crazy for wanting to be with her and call her at unseemly hours. I'm crazy already for being in love with her. It's nuts. Don't fall in love people, it'll tear you apart.

Now I'll just go and hide my head for saying all this..

 

Dude, chill. Just a girl...

/end hypocrisy mode

 

@Iku-Turso: There is no shame in being in love, and this IS a confidential site you know.

 

You know what they say, Iku? They say that pessimists are the most happy people in this world - 90% of time they're right, and the other 10% they're pleasently surprised.

I'm jaded to the point where you could carve the ninth wonder of the world out of me. If you've got a chance to be happy, then seize it. Maybe it will make this wretched thing called life more bearable.

 

Ah, Iku-Turso, it so refreshing to hear some talk with such passion.

 

I agree HB, but Iku-Turso, you should relax. Don't be too intense.

 

Argh, my girlfriend put me in a difficult situation - she asked if I wanted to go to her sister's batmistvah (sp). While that may not seem like a big deal to you guys, it is huge for me because of my extreme dislike of having anything to do with any organized religion. On principle, I will not enter a church/temple, etc, wear anything religious, or take place in a religious meeting. It is very important to me. I accepted, however, because of respect. I respect her and her religion (or, her choice of one), and I feel that it would be disrespectful to not attend because of my antipathy towards events such as this one. But because I already committed, there is no turning back. Yesterday, though, she told me that I would have to wear a kippa (yarmukah) for the two+ hours I am in the temple. Again, this may not seem like a big deal for you, but for me to wear a yarmukah would be like for me to walk around with a huge ass cross around my neck (if you can't already tell, I am an atheist).

My questions:
Should I have accepted?
Should I put my feelings for her over my principles?
Should I feel bad (like I am) for having to be associated with her religion?

Make no mistake, I love her (well, as much as a 16 year-old can... we have been dating for 9 months, and I certainly feel a bond/connection that I would like to think of as love, because it certainly is huge for me), so I am not debating whether or not I should leave her over a batmitsvah.

 

Hmmmm.

1) It should be no big deal for someone who is not of one religion to attend a celebration of that religion. No different to when a non Hindu goes to a Hindu wedding and eats three servings of the curry. Look at it as a coming of age party.

2) I don't think you should have to wear the symbols of a religion to which you don't belong. If you were a Sikh, they wouldn't ask you to take off your turban.

 

Yeah, but it is forbidden for males to not cover their hair with a yarmukah while in the temple. So, they wouldn't let me in if I didn't.

But it is for me. I get extremely uncomfortable sitting/standing/being in a church, temple, or being near anything religious. I just don't like it or them, and I don't want to have to do anything with them.

 

... so what if he is older? as it is, my parents have a similar age gap themselves. So ok they were a total disaster but they wouldn't have worked out even if they had been closer in age. With the whole my father being married to another woaman thing and so on.

 

Why? Are you some sort of undead that can be burned by holy water? If you really like this girl, then you better harden up and take your medicine. Just think of it as being another unpleasant thing to do to keep women happy, like taking out the rubbish, or catching spiders, or buying a ridiculously expensive engagement ring (now THAT'S painful)

 

Saber, how about asking if you could cover your head with something else?

 

I guess I'm similar to you in that sense, Saber. I generally try and avoid religon where possible. There does come a time though where you do have to go to these things. I think there's a difference between going to one of these things and respecting their culture (traditions) and been forced to follow the religion. If they asked you to convert or get bathed in holy water or some such, then perhaps it is a different matter. But going to a religous event and respecting their beliefs (ie. covering your head) - that's all part of life, I guess.