Relationship Rant Thread #4

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I don't believe there is anything wrong with casual relationships or one night stands. But if you feel "guilty" about kissing another girl then perhaps you should give it more thought before you ruin everything.

It's important to be honest with yourself. Let's face it there will always be other girls. At the end of the day you must be sure you won't regret your choices (that's exactly what you said).

Make sure you do the right thing for you and your lass (I know I don't really help but I'm trying, good luck mate).

 

Cheers mate, hopefully things turn out for the best! I'm just trying to keep everyone at arms length until I work out what I want. Our lass knows somethings up with me though, she keeps asking me if I'm alright. Bless.

 

well let me explain my problem... we cannot communicate enough with my gf.. she doesnt tell me much of her problems.. im totally stucked because of this...

 

Eladuin: You're as good as dumped.

 

I'm in fear that Taza might be right, Eladuin. Communication is essential and when the two people don't talk about problems real-time and openly, they won't be able to solve them. It will be too late later. Admittedly, talking about every single thing real time is a strain and it can encumber a relationship quite a lot, but at least one knows what's going on and can try to save it.

 

My gf expects me to be her lover, her therapist, and her daddy. TOO MUCH!

There's some song by the Offspring about telling your gf or bf to get a job. "I won't pay, I won't pay, no waaaaay, not until you get a job." I think I should make her listen to it...

 

That's something I can't stand, a woman who expects you to pay for everything. Luckily any girls I've been out with have always paid their way.

 

@Eladuin: The signs don't look good, but maybe something can be done. Little things might help a lot, but I wouldn't suggest putting your hopes into little tricks.

But what I'd suggest you might want to try is to create a comfortable situation with your gf. Intimacy helps, so one thing that you might want to do is be close to her when you discuss with her. For instance if you sit down to talk about something, don't sit down on separate sides of the table. Maybe you'd like to sit down right next to her, try to make eye contact when you talk and maybe even hold hands. If you've already talked with her this way, if you can't get her into this, or if this doesn't work, then you might consider your relationship quite finished...

@Barmy Army: As much as it's worth, I think that Caradhras and others gave a sage advice. Cheers on you to find a nice girl. I wouldn't let her go.

 

I prefer to pay for dates and everything. Really. Until a certain stage, I don't talk about money, either. But I'd like to be respected and accepted with however much or little I have and I'd like my boundaries to be respected as well.

 

No, you don't talk about it. It's just generally accepted that the other half will pay her way.

Example... I took a girl out to the cinema, then for a lot of drinks afterwards a few days ago. We got a taxi, I paid for the taxi. We got to the cinema I paid for both tickets. We finished the film and went to the club. She insisted on paying for the drinks seeing as I paid for the taxi and cinema. I couldn't persuade her out of it even if I tried. If I tried to pay for everything, she's get insulted. I let her pay her way. After the drinks, we got a taxi home and she gave me half of the money for the taxi. You don't talk about this kind of stuff, it;s just accepted stuff. She is quite a nice girl actually. My only problem with her is that she's a very good looking girl and has a lot of guys going after her.. makes me feel a bit dodgy. By the way, if you're wondering what the hell.. me and my girl decided to have a break whilst we decide what we both want.. fun time

 

The idea of a break sounds great!

My gf has no job, no car, no life other than me. I'm hoping that a beak will give her a time to get her stuff together. I don't mind paying for most dates, but when EVERYTHING has to come out of my pocket and my time, it gets old real fast.

 

Over here, at least in the circles I'm familiar with, the guys pay for everything, at least until the relationship has lasted a while then who pays what isn't really the issue anymore. However, I'm only 22 and just finished my undergrad. In the "working world" girls probably pay their own way for part but as far as I know, at the start, it's still always the guy

 

I agree with Chevalier mostly but also with Barmy. I'm the kind of guy who doesn't like his date to pay (that doesn't mean I'm rich or that I let girls exploit me either).

And I believe girls like that though most girls (at least the one I would date) don't want to be "bought." Like Barmy said it's not unusual for a girl to pay for drinks when you've paid for the restaurant.

If you ask a girl out and share the bill with her she will certainly agree but she will probably like it better if you pay for her meal. She may not acknowledge it but she most probably wants you to act like a gentleman and make her feel special, I don't believe you can do that if you split the bill with her.

I do agree with Enagonios that in a long term relationship once you've moved in with someone for instance things are likely to be different.

 

I wouldn't sit there arguing with her over a bill. I'd pay the bill myself, then when we go for drinks later she'd say "Now, what drink do you want? No, no you're not getting them! You paid for the meal, I insist". I know better than to argue with girls when they want to pay for something. Maybe girls around my neck of the woods are just more 'fair' with that kind of thing. I don't think I know a single girl who would let me pay for everything. I probably would do, if they'd let me do it. But I'm just not allowed!

Other news.. split up with the girl. We're going to stay mates. A little gutted, but it's a joint decision. Been out to the cinema and a few drinks with this other girl. She seems nice enough (and she's damn sexy) but I don't think I trust her 100%. Not sure why, it's probably because she's a very good looking girl and lots of guys like her and try to get in with her. But I'm not about to settle down with her, I just want a bit of fun with her to be honest, it's nothing serious so no big deal. It's all good. Man, I'm so tired today. Been drunk 3 nights on the trot, my liver needs a break I'm going to have a really lazy day today.

 

damn Barmy, its like you've got em lined up one after the other

 

IMHO it's better to date a beautiful girl and face the competition than to go out with a plain girl.

I hate guys who try to "get in" with the girl you're dating. Actually it can be worse than that: some guy proposed to my girl yesterday!

I'm kidding about it now, I wasn't when she told me...

 

Hah, I'm a right bastard lately. There's this other girl at work who I know likes me. You know the one I got with a week or so back? I'm keeping her sweet so I've got something to fall back on if this doesn't work out with this girl! I tell you mate, I'm a right bastard. Still, I'm going out loads, getting drunk loads. Last night I met this bunch of lads I haven't seen since school and was talking to them for ages catching up. I'm enjoying myself, so it's all good I say. I'll now go up and talk to anybody or any girl in the place and just say hello. I never had the balls to do that in the past. I'm just having a laugh .

yeah, it does my head in. When I was in a club having a few drinks with this girl on Thursday night, whenever I walked away for a minute, or went to the toilet, I'd come back and some guy would be trying to chat her up. She's got a great body on her, and a pretty face. What she sees in me, I'll never know she's well out of my league! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder (beerholder) I guess. It's bloody annoying though when some guy's trying to chat a girl up who you're seeing. She's got loads of mates who are guys too, which I'm not sure what to make of! I'm not wondering too much about things as it is though, I'm just having a bit of fun and doing plenty of liver damage .

 

Barmy,

It isn't any different in Germany.

I'm single for one and a quarter year or so ... as for shagging about ... I know many people will vehemently disagree with me, but sometimes it's just what's good for you. Just keep it honest and not under pretences. *snip*

I'm currently also somewhat 'split'. I'm romantically inclined toward a girl. I spent almost the entire friday with her and it led nowhere, always was somebody around, wrong time - the usual excuses. Worse, she suggested to arrange a blind date for me. Nice and kind, but I don't want a surrogate.

I was frustrated and plunged into carnival.

*snip*

I'm happy to see her next week.
I'm currently a wee bit confused.
It doesn't get better from having the flu.
Too much idle time.

[ March 04, 2007, 18:22: Message edited by: Ragusa ]

 

Good for you, that's the spirit!

She must see something in you that she likes. I wouldn't worry too much if I were you. If she chose to be with you instead of being with some other guy you can at least expect she won't ditch you for one of these losers. But if you start to be a pain because of this she might just do that.
So take it easy. If a girl is enjoying herself with you she won't walk out on you.

I don't believe in that "out of my league" thing. Some girls are way too shallow and self centred but I believe that enough self confidence and a what the heck I have nothing to lose attitude can take you a long way with any woman.

 

Ditto here as well. As per my personal code, once I hear that the girl has a boyfriend I back up. I expect the same respect in return so it pisses the crap out of me when this happens.

My gf and I were at separate outings last night and she was drunk and dancing on the dance floor with her friends when some guy held her hand and started dancing close It really pissed me off when I heard last night, but I felt better when I heard that right after he did that, one of my gf's girlfriends chewed him out.

@barmy

Ah yes. I have loads of friends that do this too, but I don't like doing it. I usually don't regret doing anything but this would really guilt me up so I try to avoid stuff like that altogether.

@ragusa

ah, sucks. got stuck in the friendzone?

All of us should be so lucky how hot was she though? If not very then no real need to kick yourself I think