Jokey Posties

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Oh, you mean Can't Use Normal Technology?

 

Why did the rapper carry an umbrella?
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Wait for it....
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Fo' Drizzle!

/rimshot

 

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.


Phillip Hewitson, an elderly man, from Norwich UK, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. Phillip opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.


He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"


He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.


Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."


Phillip said, "Okay.."


He hung up the phone and counted to 30.


Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, Six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Hewitson`s' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.


One of the Policemen said to Phillip, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"


Phillip said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

The serious side of this, of course, is that modern society doesn't give a damn when a law abiding citizen is robbed, but it cares a great deal when that citizen gets uppity and dares to defend himself from the dregs of society. But that's an alley comment, my apologies. Enjoy the joke as it stands, please.

 

Uhh, just to be clear, I never for a second thought the story was real -- the HUGE response quite clearly indicates that it's an exaggeration. My comment was merely that the joke highlights a societal issue.

I was gonna put a joke here to keep the funny rolling, but I'm drawing a blank. I guess I'll go with an old standby:

what time is it when an elephant sits on your watch?

Time to get a new watch.

Hey, it's the best I can do at the moment!

 

HE HE

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

 

I don't get Kits joke

 

Oh, so I'm not the only one?

 

I thought it was perfectly sensible to take an umberella out if there was drizzle...I'm quite clearly stupid

 

Many rappers take the back half of words and turn it into -izzle. For example, the most commonly used one (a take off of the word ni**er) is nizzle. Fo' shizzle, my nizzle = for sure, my n-word.

So when Snoop Dog, who commonly uses such suffixes to articulate his feelings, goes outside, he would use an umbrella to catch the drizzle, which is a real thing, but sounds like he has applied the rapper suffix -izzle to the word.

 

And I took you for a Rocker, I didn't realize you were a closet gangsta Sabizzle.

 

Oh.

Sounds a bit bloody stupid to me

 

Now Silvery, that would make you the 1st person ever to say that rappers are stupid...

 

Well, if I see a jigged up 4x4 with blacked out windows go past my house I be sure to duck

---------- Added 4 hours, 7 minutes and 54 seconds later... ----------

Or possible duzzle

 

Not quite... Rednecks and hicks are in to lifted 4x4's, and they listen to country.
Rappers are all about bling... African American rappers are usually more into old Cadillacs, while rappers of the Hispanic variety are more into old Chevy Impalas. Either way, their cars are guaranteed to be "slammed" (lowered to the limit), and covered in gaudy gold accents.

Anyway, here's a lame joke my 10 year old niece sent me on FB....

Did you know that plants can communicate? It can't speak, but when you squash a grape it gives a little wine.

 

Reagan changed my life!

http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.html?uc_full_date=20100602

​

 

Dear America,

As a way to say thank you for giving us thousands of **** films, hundreds of **** 'comedy' shows, and McDonalds, please accept our gift of 20,000,000 gallons of crude oil - we weren't sure where you wanted it, so we left it just by Louisiana for you.

Lots of love,

Britain.

 

Thanks Britain... if you really loved us youd take Simon Cowell back.

 

Hah! That's brilliant, Barmy!