Picky Eaters

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As a father of a small child, I'll try to answer this. My son, Jack, is 3 - and he's rather unusual for his age group in that he eats a lot of different foods. That said, Jack certainly has food preferences. He likes all types of pasta prepared in a variety of ways, and absolutely loves pizza. But he also likes a lot of other things. He eats a variety of fruits and vegetables (even broccoli which most kids don't like), and he really likes cheese and yogurt. About the only common food item Jack doesn't like is fish - so we don't make fish often, and when we do, we always have other things to serve to him if he doesn't want to try it.

If my wife and I could not make accomodations for the stuff Jack doesn't like to eat, we'd be dicks. Furthermore, I've never forced Jack to eat something he doesn't want to eat. I encourage him try new foods, but if he doesn't want to, I'm not going to try and make him do it. Like I said, there are so many things he does like, that it's easy to not serve the few things he doesn't.

But some kids are very picky in what they eat. So much so that if you only fed them things they liked to eat, they wouldn't be getting a balanced diet. For example, I have a friend with a child around the same age as Jack, and the only thing that kid likes to eat are chicken nuggets, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, macaroni and cheese, and spaghetti o's (sp?). That's the comprehensive list. Well, you cannot eat that stuff every day, and the kid frequently pitches a fit when they don't have that stuff for dinner. (Personally, I also fault the parents here, as they had to allow it to get that far.) My larger point is that if you have a child who is so choosy that you cannot reasonably make accomodations for the foods they like, then it's not about the parents being on a power-trip, it's about the parents being parents, and trying to get their kid to eat a more balanced diet.

 

Growing up, I've had to eat tuna, salmon, trout, halibut, snow crab, lobster, calamari, shrimp, and sardines. I hated them all. Yuck...
At this point in my life, I've decided to just stay away from it.

 

Aldteh, that's pretty well in line with my thoughts -- there's gotta be balance in both the diet itself and the child's place in the family. The kid needs to know that his opinions are valued and taken into consideration, but the child also needs to know that the parents are the ones in charge, not him, and that there will be times when he's going to have to do stuff he doesn't like.

Because believe me, there are days in adults lives when we have to do things we don't want.

 

I agree with the general assessment here; there's no need to force people to eat things they find unappealing, and this lady made her choices, she's an adult. But it is wise to instill a variety of tastes in a child, so that they grow up with a wide variety of food available to them, beyond the staples of chicken nuggets or mac 'n' cheese.


As a result of some disagreement with my earlier post in this thread (via negative rep), I feel I should clarify what I said to avoid any hurt feelings or misconceptions.

Firstly, by stating that I have no problem when choices are referred to as disorders by medical professionals. I simply dislike it when media or public opinion proclaims hoarders, over-eaters, under-eaters, etc. have disorders that absolve them of guilt or shame. (Note: I do not advocate making people who preform an unhealthy habit feel shameful or guilty by insulting them. They 'should' feel guilty on their own if they are harming themselves with a habit (as in, purging or eating so much they can barely stand up (I'm not talking chubby or even the modern conceptualization of 'big,' but big to the point of severe health issues))

Secondly, by clarifying my definition of a true disease or disorder as, "A hampering or harmful physical or mental state that absolutely cannot be willfully rectified without treatment of some kind or cannot be rectified at all."

As an example, ADHD. People with ADHD have been shown to have differences in their brains from 'normal' (read: statistically average) brains. Many cases of ADHD require some form of treatment to manage or keep in check, and because there is an innate physical condition (that occurred from birth, naturally, by no choice of the person) that overwrites the ability for a person to 'just say no,' I am not saying that ADHD is a choice. Therefore, what I said about applying disorders falsely to choices, would not apply to those with ADHD, as they did not make a choice.

In the example that the person who disagreed with me brought up, most of the time a crippled person did not make the choice to be crippled. I would be foolish to say "Get up and walk, you chose not to be able to!" to someone born with a condition that prohibited, or made it hard, for them to walk. Foolish the same as I would be if I said someone who got hit by a car made the choice to become a paraplegic.

However, as far as I can tell, people are not born anorexic or as over-eaters. People who have been under-eaters or over-eaters have managed their lives and got back on track; even if they are still skinny or big, they're not preforming unhealthy behaviors. (Not eating/purging or eating when they're not hungry) Some might argue, "But don't over/under eaters have a chemical imbalance?" True, some of them may. However, I have never seen this as a trend 'before' the person chose to start this habit. Chemical imbalances caused by a choice. A choice might result in a disorder, but it is still a choice to only eat three types of food as the lady in this article does.

For final clarity: I am not comparing eating three types of food to those who are crippled, nor am I telling 'either' of them "get over it, it's a choice."

I fully support getting help for those who have made a poor choice, whether it be drugs, alcohol, food or otherwise. I simply find the option of saying "That person has alcoholism," a poor replacement for "That person chose to be an alcoholic." Acknowledging a choice is often the first step to recovery; being told constantly that you have a disease or disorder (as mentioned, alcoholism, under-eating, etc) gives an excuse for people to say, "It is not my choice."

Apologies to any who thought I was stipulating that they should simply get over any kind of disorder or disease that they have.

 

ADHD is classified as Neurodiversity, same as Dyslexia, Dyspraxia and Aspergers ranges. Tourettes, Dyscalcula, Dysgraphia and Synesthesia is on the same graph of neurodivers conditions With overlaps between certain conditions being more likely or combining to form the basic bridging of a neurodiverse disorder (For example Tourettes shares common characteristics lying beween Aspergers and iirc Dyspraxia.) if you imagine the graph like a cone or perhaps a spiral where the characteristics merge and combine more intricately the further down the cone/inward on the spiral is heading towards High Functioning then Low Functioning Autism or Autistic Spectrum Disorders.

People who aren't Neurodiverse are described as being Neurotypical, where the majority of neurons are within proportional functioning boundaries of a given expectation. Nice and precise!

Obsessive exclusion (or inclusion) of food is more characteristic of a neurosis, generally a behavioural or chemical induction. Though there are instances of it being helpful (For example specific cravings can actually seem abnormal, but be the result of another aspect of the body requiring specific nutrient, for example people who have problems processing calcium may crave milk of cheese a *lot* and only show as a benefit when they attempt to overcome their obsession and fall ill)

Due to my physical conditions I develop allergies, particularly to exposure. Unfortunately, I'm dating a creature of eating habit. One who was not raised with a wide selection of vegetables, which as a result I've even started to have cravings for broccoli. I didn't even think I'd utter the sentence 'I miss cabbage'.

I was raised by a vegetarian, and often get mocked when I opt for a vegetarian option when out for a meal with friends () I've been accused of being a fussy eater when I've complained at restaurants (Typically American ones in the area, they sell everything covered in cheese, when I ask the waiter for a dish without it and am then invariably greeted by a plate of the stuff.)

Ironically I've met enough people who have proclaimed themselves as Eaters of All, not a fuss to be had, nothing shall fail to be consumed! Then making ridiculous faces when a meal is suggested because "Ugh! Nobody eats that ****! It's disgusting!"

My step dad even LIKES a specific food. As long as he doesn't realise he's eating it. As soon as he does he'll complain, loudly and EXCEPTIONALLY rudely, in public, at home, in front of guests, it's pathetic. Even my other half will concede and try things every now and then, usually because he sees me eating something merrily, his curiosity even got the better of him over marshmallows the other day, the poor dear honestly tried to enjoy them he actually looked disappointed when he realised he still didn't like the taste.

At least I definitely know now when serving up meals if we have fleghes of our own, they'll be trying it first

 

Thanks for the clarification there 8people. ^_^

And I'm certainly not claiming that cravings are harmful or are going to kill you/cause you major health concerns, simply that I have not seen any evidence that something other than choice forces people to drink alcohol/eat too much(of anything)/force themselves to vomit/etc.

I'd put eating only a few small selection of food (even smaller than most children that I've met) as something someone chooses to do, not something caused by an imbalance of something in the body. But unless there are tests run on this lady, who am I to say! Either way, it's her choice, so I wouldn't berate her or tell her to change. (Irregardless of whether or not I think she 'could' eat other food if she tried)

I've got no problem with vegans or vegetarians, it's a lifestyle choice and I applaud the will-power said people have (to resist the peer pressure as a teen, if nothing else!) I have no problem with this lady in the article either, I do think she is silly though. A comparison would be if you said being vegan or vegetarian was a disorder... at which point I would tell you, "No, it's a choice!"

 

I can't eat oranges. Not because of the taste (although I do think they taste unpleasant), but because the smell is so horrific that prolonged exposure makes me feel ill. By oranges I mean all orange fruits, like tangerines, clementines etc that all smell of disgustingness to me. If someone is eating an orange around me, I tend to leave the room.

When I was younger my parents decided I should probably try an orange and maybe I would like it. It took three attempts before I could bring myself to swallow it, then retched it back up. I've never tried since.

 

'Prolonged exposure' to an orange that sounds funny to me.

 

How 'bout Tang Alavin?

 

One's mental state can compel them to drink alcohol, eat, force themselves to vomit, etc. Addicts and the mentally ill aren't fortunate enough to have the same degree of choice as you do.

To tell bulimic individuals that they simply need to choose not to vomit is absurd. They suffer from a mental illness, and some form of intervention is required.

 

I have never seen any proof that alcoholics have any difference in brain make-up or chemical balance than an average human[before they start drinking]. I've known people who could have a drink of wine every weekend for years and not go over-board, and then lose their job and start drinking like crazy. They had no pre-deposition to become an addict, they chose to alleviate their problems by drinking.

A choice may lead to an illness, but it always starts with a choice. As I mentioned previously, I never advocated telling people to "get over it" or "choose to get over it right now or you're a just a whiner."

Bulimia is cured by choice, you do not have an operation or take medication to get over bulimia, you simply stop making yourself vomit. This choice is easy to say, and very, very hard to make. I agree with you that many people need help to make this choice, to quote myself:

(based on this quote of myself, I don't think I've said the things you seem to think I have: I never said I would tell or advocate telling a bulimic that they simply need to choose not to vomit[I think that they do, but it's deeper than that, and not beneficial to say to them in such a way], that they should do so completely alone, or that no intervention was required.)

I encourage and am glad when people go to get help, via therapy or support groups or otherwise. But I also believe a step to overcoming said bad habit is accepting that it is a choice; that there is no higher power or power out of your control forcing you to preform this bad behavior.

When I was younger, I had doctors tell me I was clinically depressed, and they tried many different medications to 'alleviate my condition' until they decided that I had bipolar "disorder" (because of severe highs followed by severe lows). I technically don't know if it is termed a disorder anymore, but to the point; in the end, it came down to me choosing not to be depressed.

The fact that I acknowledge that I "chose not to be depressed" is not synonymous with "I simply and easily chose in a split second not to be depressed without any help." It is a process, which is hard, but it IS up to the person to end, it is not up to medicine or surgery; it is up to the person to cure. It is a choice to stop purging/binge eating. Not an easy choice, but a choice.

 

I don't wish to re-route this back to the mental illness debate thread that was very active some months ago, but I'm pretty sure there is a degree of mental illnesses (depression, anxiety, or what have you) that no amount of self-motivation can overcome. You may have to summon the motivation to seek help if no one else intervenes, but that alone won't fix you.

In severe cases, I suspect that correcting the illness does indeed require medication or surgery or some other form of external treatment that is outside of the control of the patient.

I'm glad you were able to overcome it yourself in your case, Rahkir, but I'm afraid there are others who may have it worse and can't.

 

I wasn't trying to base my whole point on one limited view (my own bad habit), but I won't bore you with lots of anecdotal evidence.

I certainly did not overcome depression by myself, I had help of a good friend, eventually a few family members and for a short amount of time a therapist. (This was all after the drugs, which made me happy sometimes, but fake-happy.)

I do not know of any medicine or surgery that can permanently cure depression. Nor do I for bulimia, alcoholism, anorexia, picky eating, etc.

I looked up Bulimia treatment and everything that I found on medical sites only ever refers to therapy, normally containing these three steps:
Breaking the binge-and-purge cycle - This ultimately comes to the decision by the person to follow normal eating behavior and to monitor their eating habits (which can definitely be assisted by a close friend or family member, but is still ultimately up to the person to decide)

Changing unhealthy thoughts and patterns - This step aims to stop the harmful portrayal of a sexy body, etc. This ultimately comes down to a person changing how they view beauty and self-worth, something a drug or surgery can't do.

Solving emotional issues - This category is too broad for me to cover. However, the fact that emotional issues are an underlying cause is another (sad ) reason why bulimia has to be stopped willingly, by choice of the person, not by drugs or surgery.

I am not saying that everyone can decide to stop performing an unhealthy habit at the drop of a hat. I am completely willing to help and assist anyone with an unhealthy habit if they want help (and to reiterate something, in anything but an objective hypothetical like this one, I would NOT tell someone they can simply choose to get over a disorder, if anyone here thought I was telling them that, I apologize.)

Therapy can assist in resolving many of these bad habits that we're talking about; however, therapy can be blatantly ignored if the person is not willing to try. In the end, I truly believe that no matter how much help an anorexic or bulimic person gets, if they don't want to change[if they don't first make the choice to get help, then make the choice to be willing to change, and eventually over-time make the choice to stop completely], they won't.

 

Thanks for clarifying. Here's the other thread, if you'd care to look at it: http://www.sorcerers.net/forums/showthread.php?t=50316

 

I hate picky eaters. They really get on my nerves and I find it hard not to close my eyes and sigh. "Take pot-luck", my parents would tell me and threatened to force it down my throat if I didn't. Eating something different or not eating was out of the question. I'm thankful for that, cause now I eat nearly anything, except for 3 things:

1: Liver sausage in vinegar (IMO really disgusting)
2: Food gone bad (obviously)
3: Food I think is morally unacceptable (My uncle was offered a living monkey in an Indian restaurant, he had to split its skull and pry the brains out. That sort of stuff. Or species which existence is threatened, like whale etc)

It's cool when people don't eat certain food because of:
1. Religion or lifestyle (Muslims, vegetarians etc)
2. Allergy

What I really REALLY hate is people saying they don't like food, when they have never tasted it! Those people shot be shot and spit-roasted, preferably with an apple stuck in their throat. And I would eat them, because that is morally perfectly acceptable!