Lack o' Friends

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I wasn't sure where to post this, after looking through the forums this seemed like the place to drop it. Anyhow, there's a bit of a back story here so I apologize in advance for the wall of text.

Anyways, I've played MMORPGs almost exclusively for the past few years. Over that time I made a few friends but I'd never really talk to them outside of the game and we weren't Facebook friends or anything like that. About three or so months ago I kicked my MMO habit and got into classic gaming (IWD right now) and have been enjoying myself a tonne. I had forgotten how good a game with a start, middle and end could be. So, I've been merrily slashing my way through nine variations of hell but something is lacking. I don't have any friends left who play games and who want to talk shop on occasion.

Has anyone else ever gone through this? I originally came to this forum to try to fix this problem but I don't think I'm doing a very good job. Mostly I hop in, ask some questions about mods and then hop out, the worst sort of parasitic user. I figured I'd post a bit about myself and if anyone wants to get to know me better we could be *squee* Steam friends or at least send some messages back and forth.

There's a bit of info on the Big Hello thread but I'll say it here anyhow: I'm 27, work for the Federal Government, married to a wonderful lady, studied philosophy at university, enjoy fantasy literature a cRPGs. I'm not really sure what else to say except, feel free to ask me anything or to give me any advice you have about re-establishing an online community.

 

The wonderful lady is really all you need, isn't it? Otherwise, for random chit-chattyness as regards your hobbies, you should indeed be able to find that here in sufficient doses to cover your needs, unless you have special extreme dosage needs or something.

 

Nice to meet you!

I must admit, I'm pretty terrible at the online community thing. I post a lot, but I'm really sporadic. So, I'll post a lot on a particular forum for a few weeks, a few months, etc. and then disappear for months. Then I'll come back and start posting again. I also tend to be bad about not paying attention to introduction threads, even though I do like to be welcoming.

I do have a few favorites, mainly dependent on a few factors. I like forums where people post in paragraphs and complete sentences with capitalization and periods. I don't like a lot of weird abbreviations. I like sites where people are expected to be respectful, even if they disagree. I avoid politics (in fact, at my request, Tal banned me from the politics forum here, since I tend to read them, then want to post, then worry about posting, etc. -- quite a vicious cycle that only makes me unhappy) and prefer sites that don't have them. Even when people are being respectful, I find myself getting really anxious about it.

My longest running site that I continually return to is Forward Motion, which is a site focused on helping people become professional writers. I'm part of a critique group, and I think that's the closest thing I have to actual online friends. Even when I was playing WoW, I played it like a cRPG, and tended to avoid people because I didn't want to disappoint them. Once I discovered Dragon Age: Origins and rediscovered Baldur's Gate, I realized how much I actually disliked WoW. I think I would have enjoyed it if I'd succeeded in the online community part, but I always felt like I was levelling too slowly for them or not playing well enough, even when I was playing with RL friends.

Right now, I'm 36, happily single, and working as a first year teacher. It's been fun, but very stressful.

I do have a Steam account, but mostly I forget it's there, so being a Steam friend probably wouldn't work. I also don't know how much I could "shop talk" since I'm not very good at gaming and really have only played a few games. I really like them, but for years, I just didn't know they existed. I play everything on the easiest setting available and still die a lot.

 

Yup it was university here Got a couple of friends who still come and visit me on occasion but back when all my friends had scattered over the globe for university and my friendship group from my first uni collapsed I wasn't left with very many people who were interested in maintaining contact (or who I'd want to stay in touch with!)

Getting a couple of new hobbies is probably the best way of getting to know people, I'm still studying Computer Games Development but at the moment not attending regularly so contact there is limited, but I also took up LARP as it's one of my partners hobbies and also am involved in the local exotic pets community where the contact is mainly via Facebook, but regular meets around the county and the shops hold a meet once a month in warmer months where people bring an animal and there's a 'Crufts' and a raffle held - All people I wouldn't have known just over a year ago and wouldn't have had any idea they existed.

Sometimes it's surprising what you're missing locally.

 

Eh... I'd like to help out if I can, Greg, but I don't really understand the situation. Once again I realize that English is not my native language. I have no idea walk "talk shop" is. (Is it "talk shopping" or "talking shop", for instance )

So to get this straight: Are you looking for new (Real Life) friends to do other things with than being online and discuss cRPG's, or are you wondering how you can stay part of a web-community and make more online friends? Or something entirely different?

Edit: Huh... Judging from the other replies, you're looking for the second option.
I think that becoming a part of a web-community is to actually show that you have read someone's post. Sounds obvious and redundant, but sometimes I read posts (like in the Random Babbling) where people just say stuff and don't react to what others have said. They just state something and leave, it seems. Show an interest in what others do, say or think and you'll be making friends soon enough. That's the main theme in any community (online or not), I guess.

 

Random Babbling Thread is another great place to have a general conversation. You will get to know some of us there. For "talking shop" of course choose the game of choice and you'll see who is playing what I guess .

@ Mon - "Talking Shop" refers to talking about a particular subject. So when LudoviK says he doesn't have any friends left who play games and want to talk shop, he is refering to having friends that want to talk about his same interest in gaming. Does that make sense? If not I will explain it better to you further.

Anyway Ludovik, hang out and post more in this community and I'm sure that you will find a lot of great people who are potential online friends .

 

My boards and communities, but Sorcerer's is a League of it's own.
World wise and yet intimate ( in an non sexual sense =

 

Not if you join the MUG .

 

Thanks everyone for the replies, especially Vorona. I forgot how rewarding it can be just to have someone take the time to read something you posted and reply with something thoughtful. I feel a bit better then when I originally posted. I realize now that I have a pretty strong real life group of friends and there are lots of welcoming homes on the internet for people with my particular interests.

I've been having a really great time lurking on different forums here and seeing what people have to say. I feel the same way about political/religious forums posts as Vorona. I think it mostly stems from the problems inherent with text messaging: Forums encourage small paragraph exchanges between people. In real life you can hear emphasis, intonation, inflection, etc which makes it easier to find common ground. When you proceed in full paragraphs it's hard to stay on the same page of an argument or conversation because in natural speech you're constantly renegotiating the terms of the conversation.

Vorona: What are you teaching? What age of student? What is your educational background? What did you do your BA in? Have you written anything you'd be willing to share? I'm one of those sad saps that always wanted to be a writer but never wanted to actually write. After reading enough Bukowski I decided that I'm just a reader and a consumer of literature and I don't have the drive to produce anything of my own. Anyhow, thanks again everyone for the second introduction.

 

I don't want to get too off-topic, but I'm glad you remembered your real-life friends. It takes a much longer time for real friendship to develop online. It was about 4-5 years before I started making real friends on Forward Motion. It takes me longer than most, I think, or maybe I just don't use the word as early in the process as others do, I'm not sure.

To be honest, I don't much like discussing politics or religion with people I don't know well in general. I just have a tendency to jump in if it's in writing, while I tend to stay silent if it's in person. So, I don't regret saying things in person because I don't. I also don't mind listening to others have a political discussion in front of me because I know I won't say anything. On forums, though, I end up posting and then regretting it.

I've been meaning to share some of my writing on the MUG, but I keep forgetting. I don't want to post on a public forum because of First Rights (basically if an editor can find out that anyone can read it for free, they don't want to publish it--I'm not worried at all about people stealing my work), but if it's pass-word protected, it's fine.