A british sense of humour

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The Weakest Link, BBC1/BBC2

Anne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway.
Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?
Contestant: Bombay.
Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?
Contestant: Crocodiles.
Robinson: Wh...?
Contestant (interrupting): Pass!
Anne Robinson: In olden times, what were minstrels,
travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?
Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.
Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written
by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?
Contestant: (long pause) Joe?
National Lottery Jet Set, BBC1
Eamonn Holmes: What's the name of the playwright commonly known by the
initials G.B.S.?
Contestant: William Shakespeare.
Chris Searle Show, BBC Radio Bristol
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear
that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er... Mexico?

Family Fortunes, ITV
1) Something a blind man might use? A Sword
2) A Song with the word Moon in the title? Blue Suede Moon
3) Name the Capital of France? F
4) Name a bird with a long Neck? Naomi Campbell
5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? A burglar
6) Where is the Taj Mahal? Opposite the Dental Hospital
7) What is Hitlers first name ? Heil
8) A famous Scotsman? Jock
9) Some famous brothers ? Bonnie and Clyde.
10) A dangerous race ? The Arabs
11) Something that floats in a bath ? Water
12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? A horse
13) Something you wear on a beach ? A deckchair
14) A famous Royal ? Mail
15) Something that flies that doesn't have an engine? A bicycle with
wings
16) A famous bridge ? The Bridge Over Troubled Waters
17) Something a cat does ? Goes to the Toilet
18) Something you do in the bathroom ? Decorate
19) A method of securing your home ? Put the kettle on
20) Something associated with pigs ? The Police
21) A sign of the Zodiac ? April
22) Something people might be allergic to ? Skiing
23) Something you do before you go to bed ? Sleep
24) Something you put on walls ? A roof
25) Something Slippery ? A conman
26) A kind of ache ? A fillet of fish
27) A Jacket Potato topping ? Jam
28) A food that can be brown or white ? A potato
29) Something sold by gypsies ? Bananas
30) Something Red? My sweater

The Afternoon Programme Quiz, ABC 774
Presenter: Who killed Cock Robin?
Contestant: Oh God, I didn't even know he was dead.
Lincs FM phone-in
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in
Spain.
Steve Wright Show, Radio 2
Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?
Contestant: India.
Wright: The leader of the orchestra plays which musical instrument?
Contestant: The baton.
Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?
Contestant: Expresso.
Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it's not Sydney.
Contestant: Sydney.
Wright: What was the animal referred to in Val Doonican's song Paddy
McGinty's?
Contestant: I don't know.
Wright: It begins with a "G".
Contestant: Cow.
This Morning, ITV
Judy Finnegan: The American TV show 'The Sopranos' is about opera.
True or false?
Contestant: True ?
Finnegan: No, actually, it's about the Mafia. But it is an American TV
show, so I'll give you that.
BBC Radio Newcastle
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six Day War between Egypt and Israel
last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
Bob Hope Birthday Quiz, LBC
Presenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?
Contestant: Four.
BBC GMR, Phil Wood Show
Wood: What "K" could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er...
Wood: It's got two syllables... Kor...
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha no. The past participle of run...
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I...
Contestant: Walked?
Daryl's Drivetime, Virgin Radio
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.

 

Oh, god. As they say, these people vote?

 

Yes its scary that people like the above actually exist.

 

Let 'em vote, I say. Just don't let them breed!

 

hehe we have something similar to this in the Philippines called "Battle of the Brainless" but are these people TRYING to look stupid in order to be funny, or are they... just stupid?

 

Don't forget...there aren't any stupid people, just stupid questions.

 

I'm ashamed to be English

 

What is the capital of Australia anyway? Melborne?

 

Canberra IIRC

 

Sydney!

 

Right there with ya Shell, oh the shame...

 

Wow, that's almost as bad as Jaywalking...

Those people make me embarassed to be an American.

 

This is funny and scary at the same time!

 

Quite good answers and I bet *someone* has spend more than a little time thinking them before posting.

 

You get idiots everywhere.

 

Very funny.

Reminds me of the time New Zealand boxer David Tua appeared on Wheel of Fortune, asked to 'buy a vowel' and when asked which vowel, replied "P".

Also reminds me of the guy on an Australian radio station who would was up for winning some prize and all he had to do was spell the name of the rock band "AC/DC". They gave him several attempts (given that it was supposed to be a no-brainer formality) but he kept replying "AD/CD" despite the announcers saying very slowly "How do you spell A-C-D-C.....?"

Yes, there are idiots everywhere. Lucky SP is full of such intellectuals.

 

You'd hope!

I remember the AC/DC thing, cracked me up for days.

 

weakest link, singapore chinese version, debut, last year ....

Q: what was stored in a camel's hump?
A: milk

 

Anyone remember the page 3 edition of Weakest Link? I remember there being some classic answers from the 'models'.

 

I have never felt so smart as I do now.