A different kind of poll...

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Ok, Parents on the boards, I have a question for you...
Do your children listen to you better when you yell at them(or raise your voice at all) or when you talk to them as though they were equals?
By Equals I mean without the "parental tone" that most children rebel against(or atleast I do..) not like you talk to friends or co-workers.

And a question for the "Children" (by children Im refering to those of you that do not have kids of your own, so no confusion is had about who Im asking this question of...)
When do *you* listen better to your parents?
When they yell at you, or when they talk to you as though your a person, and not just a kid?

 

Kid:

I listen them better when they talk to me as equal, but then i am somewhat older kid, but as long as i remember it has always been that way. Of course somethimes they should raise voice but that should be only when i did something VERY VERY wrong.

 

I talk to my parents the way most parents talk to there kids, and when I'm irritated drunk or bored I talk to everybody in that way just to piss of people

When my parents start to yell at me I say something stuppid just to piss them off again and when they ask who I think I am I tell them I'm the prince of darkness and then they are really mad and then I ask an other stupid question. I love those situations!

So:As long as my parent take to me on a normal tone AND say normal things I listen!

 

I only listen to my parents if they talk to me properly if anyone treats me as if I'm stupid I do the same to them, that way it's equal

 

My parents and I have a very good relationship. I respect them, they treat me like their son. They are strict, as far as common beliefs go. I have never talked back to them, and I don't give them much reason to yell at me.

 

My parents speak to me as though we're equals, because let's face it, we are. (I'm 29) It wasn't always that way. Dad yelled a lot. It pissed me off. Now that I'm older and out of the house, I realize how right he was...most of the time, at any rate.

 

Kid: my mom treats me as an equal while dad thinks that I'm still about 6.

 

Well, my kids blow me off or listen to me according to their own views of the situation -- as anyone would. Usually, though, when I do yell at them, it is not to get them to listen or because they have done anything very, very wrong -- it is because I am cranky over things unrelated to them. ...As they know, because two minutes later I feel really bad and have to apologize. I imagine many parents are the same, whether they apologize or not.

 

I'm a parent and my daughter is only 18 months old ... so yelling doesn't happen much yet

 

I listen to my parents when their arguments are well-founded, but not when they're just venting stress on me or nit-picking, which happens a lot.

 

My parents treat me as equals, I guess. They never yell at me and if they did I don't think I would listen better.

 

Why is it only two parents on the boards have replied here... I was under the impression that there were more parents here...

The reason I ask this is because my own mother will b*tch me out for trying to help, (because Im not doing it right) then she will turn around and b*tch me out for asking how to do it...
Then she wonders why I rarely offer to help...
And if I happen to, on those extremely rare occasions, do something right, only about 9/10 of those do I get a thank-you or anything. I mean, I dont expect to get money or anything for it, but a "Thank-you" isnt that hard to say... is it?

I just wondered if I happened to be alone in that.
Other than being near constantly b*tched at, I have to listen to her yell at other people because *they* cant do anything right, or for themselves, or similar things...

 

Well, DeBhaal, I have a suggestion for you that has worked for me, and *on* me. It is not for the faint-hearted, though.

My children and I moved in with my mother a few months ago when she became too ill to take care of herself. She is not too ill to b*tch me out, however, and we have always had different ways of doing things.

So this is my big secret: (1) don't get angry -- just don't -- rise above and see the humor of it. Then... (2) with utter sincerity ask her what the matter is. Offer to get her a drink, whatever. (Sincerity is key here -- a hint of sarcasm and you're dead.) Say, "I know you don't mean to make me feel bad, but I feel like I can't do anything right -- is something else bothering you?"

Works on me, works on my mom, works on husbands, works on bosses, works on teachers. It worked for Jesus, too, I'm told -- "a soft answer turneth away wrath."

And the beautiful thing is this -- IF you don't get mad or be sarcastic -- the more you repeat it, the better it works. No one wants to be the bad guy, and if you are just adult and long-suffering, you take the wind right out of their sails. And who knows? Maybe she'll tell you that there *is* something bothering her, and you'll get to know this fallible human being who is your mother.

 

Very good advice there MethylViolet. I would say that you also need to know WHOM your'e talking to. Some children have little respect for their own parents and even less for other adults. Parents have a bad habit of not being consistent with their kids as they grow up. And changing the rules midstream. This is not the same as giving a child more independance or responsibility as they grow.
I have a good freind of mine who found his mother in law allowing his two boys to do pretty much anything they wanted in the preschool years. In an effort to reign them in a bit, he overcorrected. Gave his kids no respect. Not that they earned it. He yelled and swore at them and spanked them when appropriate. He got no respect. Neither did his wife, because she undercorrected. While being a bit stricter with the boys, she also gave her husband grief for his behavior as well. They were inconsistent with discipline. The boys saw this hole in the armor and tried to ram their way through. They started whining, hitting and swearing at their parents enough to make them cry. It almost tore their whole family apart. I hated going over to their house in those days.
Mom and dad are going to family counseling, and took back their family together. Being in school has helped the boys. The boys are no longer running roughshod over their parents, they are starting to learn limits. I make it a point not to interfere, but the boys know that if they disrespect ME, I have permission to spank them. I haven't had to yet. Nor will I. I treat them with the same respect as they do to me. If I go for a visit, and leave because they act like animals then I can pretty much expect an apologetic child calling me fairly quick.
I have my own little miss. I treat her the same way. She is very much wrapped around my finger and attatched at the hip. I'm not perfect, nobody is. But I can say that I am rarely worried about her behavior. She knows her limits, and I know what she can handle most of the time. Sometimes She pushes my buttons, just like every other kid does. If she goes too far, she gets punished. But she always knows why, and quickly. She is becoming her own little person, and watching her grow is one thing I enjoy the most.