A Lesson from an Alternate History

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In 1941, America learned its lesson. War is bad, let's give peace a chance. And so then President Wilbur Milquetoast apologized to the Japanese, and found that the Nazis were equally reasonable and nice.

Thus we had peace in our times, or well, at least peace in our backyards. And so the Japanese civilized half the world's people by killing them. The Germans would have repeated the favor for the other half, except the Russian's had a few slight objections, and rolled up through Germany and half of Europe, making the world a socialist paradise. They stopped their tanks at the border of France. They didn't go further for an obvious reason. After all they said, they were French.

And so the French stayed Nazi, and as we all know about Nazi's, they are indeed a mischievous bunch. And so as time went on French Nazi's slaughtered and gassed their own people, invaded Italy and occupied is pasta fields, and seized Switzerland to get a hold of all that cheese. Naturally, the world responded, and drove the evil French Nazis from Switzerland and Italy, but decided not to rid themselves of the evil French Nazis by taking Paris. After all, they were French.

Around this time, America found its balls after Catholic fundamentalists blew up half its really large buildings. President Jon 'the duke' Wainwright dispatched the Born Again Christian Soldiers to root out the Catholic fundamentalists from their monasteries in the mountains of Sicily. Then he noticed that the evil Nazis continued their quest to build weapons that would annihilate all life as we know it. That was not nice. And so the USA supported the separatist Vichy-soiss people in the south of France, and built up a force of three million troops in the principality of Monaco for an invasion. The world of course was dismayed. Why in heaven would you want to go to war with a regime that is despised by its own people, threatens its neighbors, and builds weapons of total annihilation to sell on E-Bay? It would be interpreted by the Catholics as an assault on their religion, and thus cause Catholic terrorism everywhere. The world knew as well that this wasn't a war to liberate France, but an effort to seize their cheese! Besides, these people were quite incapable of democracy. They were after all, French!

And so America, in a very diplomatic way, said 'F*** You' to the world, invaded anyway, and in five minutes the French were free. The French people greeted the Americans with wild approval and applause. Sadly, after three weeks, the Americans began to be over charged for their rooms and meals, and overall were treated very rudely. The Americans then left en masse, vowing never to vacation there again.

And then the world said with a shrug, "We told you so! After all, they're French!"

 

WTF? That's your weirdest post yet, Elios. But it was funny. I would say that, in a very roundabout way, this scenerio you've written proves my point -- in the international community, no matter what the U.S. does, they will always be wrong. Try to help? they're evil. Isolate themselves? They're evil. Support one side? They're evil. Support the other? They're evil. Don't get involved? They're evil. Try to broker a peace? They're evil.

So, though as Shoshino complained "America takes the rest of the world for granted", well, do you blame them?

 

Yes theyre evvvvviillllll it tell you!!

BTW, Elios, dont tell me you really think that pasta grows on fields right?

 

How come America forgot the lesson? Did the government just devolve or something over the last 50 or so years?

 

American conservatives and Nazis are an interesting combination -- they prove an old adage, which is: choose your enemies well, because they are who you will become the most like.

 

Here's another alternative history.

The British citizens living in the British colony of America decided they didn't like to pay taxes. Rather than follow the normal democratic process they decide to encourage terroists to destabalise the Government and encourage people to abandon law and order. The British Government responded by sending in lots of troops and battleships even though they were worried that the powerful French forces might try to help the British people living in America.

However, they need not have worried as the French nation was struggling with internal debts and its own problems. So, much as they wanted to help, they couldn't. Consequently the brave British armed forces were able to restor order amongst the British citizens living in America. The troublesmoe ring leaders were rounded up, tried and found guilty of treason and hanged.

Later on the French didn't send a nice big statue to the British people living in America and this added to the general low moral of those people. Also, lots of other people around the world decided not to emmergrate to America as they didn't fancy becoming British.

Eventually though the people living in America became happy go lucky types who were extremely good at sports like Rugby and Cricket. They discovered the joys of surfing, bar-b-ques and low budget soap operas. They discovered they had a lot in common with the people living in Australian and would often go on hoiliday there.

Due to the size and influence of Britain and all of its very big colonies Germany never decided to go to war. Also, in 1917 the Russian people finally achieved democracy through negotiation rather than as a backdrop to a long and nasty war.

Eventually though the rest of Europe did get a little worried about the arrogance of the British and so tried to arrange a friendlier arrangement. The French worked really hard at this as they had had previous expereince of organising Europe. Eventually they managed to all live together peacefully.

Later on they decided to redeem some of their earlier wrongs and helped all the old colonies achieve independence (even those chaps in America). They also gave back independance to the hard done by Arabs.

They all lived happily ever after and worked to help each other no matter what their race or religion. In fact all of the religions remembered that two of the most important rules were - don't kill people and do help your neigbour.

If you still want to bash the French, please read my other post about Cook's Resignation speech and also this link:

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=127&ncid=742&e=14&u=/ucru/20030228/cm_ucru/the_case_for_the_french

EDIT - sorry someone told me the link wasn't working.

[ March 24, 2003, 21:01: Message edited by: Slappy ]