A Lighthearted Look at Duct Tape

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Has everyone bought their rolls of duct tape yet?
I went to the store to get some the other day along with some plastic sheets. I actually needed it to do some painting and I need to actually tape up a small leak in an air duct. There is no duct tape anywhere in southern California. I mean I drove almost everywhere from south of Los Angeles to just north of the border into Mexico. I went into Tjuana and finally found some there. It wasn't actually duct tape. El ducko tapo is what it was called. but it looked and smelled kinda like duct tape. So I paid my gazzlion pesos and headed back north.
Border Patrol! Quick, hide the el tapo in the glove box.
Border Patrol officer, "Are you a US Citizen, sir?"
Elios, "Yes."
BPO, "Are you carrying any goods purchased in Mexico?"
Elios, "uh...no..."
BPO, "Sir, please open your trunk. Are you attempting to smuggle any duct tape into the US?"
Well I made it home eventually with the duct tape, and some guy named Jose I picked up into California. He was trying to find the real duct tape and smuggle it back down into South America, through Mexico. Something about needing to seal up a bag of flour he wanted to bring to his relatives in Arizona.
You know this whole incident reminds me of when I lived in Birmingham, AL. During the winter months they didn't get muh snow. But when the weatherman talked about even a .00000000000001% chance of snow, there was a run on milk and bread at the grocery store. It was usually gone before the meteorologist could even finish the word snow. Sn....BAMM! No bread in sight. And if a flake started to drop? Forget about doing anything. Town shut down!
I went to an office supply store the other day to get some discs and this older gentleman was asking the clerk where they kept their duct tape. This kid actually started sweating and very nervously told the customer they were out. Another customer joined the older customer and started yelling at the clerk and asking for the manager, demanding to know why they were out of duct tape. The one guy proceeded to tell the manager that if there was a chemical weapon attack and a member of his family got sick or died, he would file the biggest lawsuit against the office supply chain they had ever seen.
(Honestly, cross my heart this happened.)
You know, after all the run on duct tape, I'm starting to maybe think there really is no threat of a chemical or biological attack. This is actually just a ploy by our governement to stimulate the economy a little bit.

 

erm, what, are people going to seel their homes with duct tape or something??

 

Our beloved department of homeland security told us to buy duct tape and plastic tarps so we could seel up a room in our house in the event of a biological or chemical weapon attack. This was originally suggested for those living near military bases that were destroying checmical weapons.

 

Duct tape is the solution to everything

 

Yes, duck tape. Now why didn´t I think of that?
Elios, you can babble like Jan Janssen if you wish... Thought of changing your name?

 

An oldie but a goodie:

Q: How is duct tape like The Force?
A: It has a light side and a dark side and it binds the universe together!

I know someone who re-attached the muffler to his car using duct tape. When he finally got to the shop for a permanent repair, the mechanic said that the heat had bonded the duct tape as thoroughly as any weld!

 

That's why people around here call it Jesus tape. I've once fixed a paintball gun with some duct tape (I've fixed one with a fishing rod too but that's another story!).

 

I used to have both radiator hoses on my truck patched up with duct tape - as well as some of the holes in the seat! (My old truck, that is.)

 

Duct tape is also perfect for tying people to stuff and gagging them when you're out of rope or handcu...



Duct tape? Never used it.

[ February 21, 2003, 19:43: Message edited by: Faragon ]

 

Did the government work out how you're all going to breathe in an airtight room? Honestly, Americans

 

@Shell: That is what my mom is afraid of, so we aren't getting any. We die either way.

 

The actual idea is that we'd only need to seal the room for a couple hours. there would be enough air in there for that. By then it will have either been cleaned up or settled out of the air

 

Frostmage said it, Jesus Tape it is. Did you know you can use duct tape for making fake swords? No? Well, you can. You need some plastic pipes, soft plastic for padding, and duct tape to bind it together.... Heck, I have heard that people have made fake ARMOUR using duct tape....

Last summer and RopeCn, I would not have made it if not for duct tape.

All hail Duct Tape!

Ara
(Duchess of Tapes... Now there's a noble in my world )

 

Hey did anyone hear about that new weapon the allies have? It's called a thermobaric bomb and according to The Sun it

"uses a fuel rich explosive which sucks air from inside target buildings, creating an intense blast wave. Defending troops are either torn apart by the pressure, suffocated by the vacuum or incinerated by the fireball that follows. The blast wave can turn corners and shoot upwards through stairwells or openings in floors"

Man I'm glad I'm on the Allies' side

EDIT:

[ March 04, 2003, 23:10: Message edited by: Shell ]