A man named Brian

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Shameless parody time. Anybody is
able to post extra bits onto the story.

During the time of troubles, the Gods themsleves were cast down from the heavens, and made to walk the earth, as flesh and blood. However, one god foresaw his own death, and arrived on the earth years before, and began to sow his seed throughout the land, hoping that the blood of his children would fuel his re-birth. That Gid was Bhaal, Lord of Murder.
During a trip to Baldur's Gate, he stopped off an inn along the road, where he met a slightly retarded woman named Beth. Here, he bore her child, and that ugly, stupid child grew up to be a man named Brian!

[ July 30, 2003, 09:58: Message edited by: Daie d'Malkin ]

 

A man called Brian... That's the theme song off "Life of Brian".
Sorry but what do you want us to do? Finish the story?

 

No, just post bits of it if you want to. That way, It won't just be one person writing the story.

 

So Brian was a bit retarded and with the Charisma of a troll and with an affinity to guys with dreadlocks.

But he was a nice guy.

It was your average, nice and sunny morning in the big library castle-place called Candlekeep.

As Brian was quite retarded and as Ulraunt of The Many Clothes didn't like him nor his old dad Gorion, his job was to clean the loos.

He had slept late.

 

When Brian was up to his elbows in sh*t, a level 0 moron came up to him and tried to kill him. Brian turned to address him as he flailed wildly in a vain attempt to hit him, and accidentally flung some of the sh*t in his eyes. The would-be assassin took 1 damage, and died.

Terrified of the consequences of his actions, Brian hurried outside, only to be confronted with a boring old man who smelled of shoe polish.

"Aaaaaahkhm!" said the old man "You have a choice, go see Gorion for no reason at the library, or perfrom some stupid FedEx quests!"

"Hmmmm" thought Brian...

 

Actually he didn't. Brian was not capable of much clear thinking.

But he knew he did not want to meet his dad again today.Once a while was quite enough for either of them.

Brian decides to do the FedEx quests.He hasn't washed his hands yet but what does that matter.

Brian was confused when people paid him to take away the packages he delivered. He guessed that the old man's shoe polish stink on the packages and that from his hands were responsible.

How was he to know that these were sales brouchers, sent by Ouguth the Troll.

 

As he ran away from the angry people, he was met by the trademark Wise Old Sage© called Edminster.
"Greetings Brian. Oh! What is that smell?"
"I went poopie!" replied Brian "In my pants. It was good!"
"I see. Well Brian, you have done the Fed-ex quests. Now you must do a whole series of little jobs, while constantly getting ready to do the main quest, to save the world! ANd by the way, you have my permission to do some big quests, as long as you promise to do them all!"

 

"Oh, yayness then," replied Brian rather rudely and walked away, his three companinons, TOO chipper Imoen, crazy and insane Xzar and moody Montaron in tow.

Then they faced a wolf.

 

The wolf ate Monty and bit Xzar's nads off before they finally managed to pacify it with a mouldy chicken leg.

"Life sucks," said Xzar in an extremely high voice.

 

"Yes it does. Imoen, you drag Monty. We need to get to the Friendly Arm," Brian commanded.

Imoen muttered something, but accepted the job and so the trio went traipsing through the woods.