Age differences in relationships

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I was going over the 37yr woman 15yr boy having a baby thing, and it got me to thinking about age differences in relationships (where the youngest member is 16+)
I once had a relationship with a man who was 47, in my wild years! I was 17 at the time so that's a 30 year difference in age which is pretty huge!

The point of the topic is:
1: Have you ever been in a relationship with a big age difference?
2: What do you feel about relationships with big age differences?

 

I see no real problem with age differences in relationships. If you think it's wrong, don't do it. That's no reason to ruin other peoples fun.

 

I've never been in a relationship with a large age difference, but I'd balk at the chance to be in one. When I'm getting older, I'll realize my place and leave younger women for younger men.

I'm not really that fond of significant ages between other people in legal relationships, but it's something that I let pass with no real problem.

I'm predisposed to believe that it isn't love that is taking place.

[ April 06, 2006, 23:41: Message edited by: Ilmater's Suffering ]

 

1. technically not.
2. As far as both parties consent and no one is being taken advantage of, i see no problem whatsoever.

 

1 - Well... I once had a 15 y/o girlfriend when I was 19, but my other g/f's have been older than me by a couple of years.

2 - It depends on the difference. Anything over 10-15 years is a bit ropey. Unless it's a 35 year old bloke bagging a girl 15 years his junior, obviously .

 

1. Not really, most have been about my age, give or take a year or two either way.

2. So long as both people know what they're getting themselves into and make the decision to be in a relationship freely, where's the problem? It may not be the wisest of decisions in hindsight, but nobody ever got anywhere by sitting back to say "I told you so".

 

I have never had a relationship more than 3 years apart (girl younger than me). I have no problem with gaps as long as both parties are of a legal age.

But with a guys typical double standard, I would have gladly slept with one of my teachers when I was 15. I would not have thought it was right, but I would have done it anyways.

 

Ditto on everything Brallrock said. Especially the teacher thing (one of my sixth grade teachers was teh hawt).

 

Actually, if it were about talking and general company, you can bet your lunch money on my gravitating towards ladies older than I am. Not like I definitely couldn't enjoy the same with one several years younger. However, older would complicate matters in the future (the older the couple gets, the more such things matter -- although, obviously, I'm not saying 15 and 20 is less extreme than 35 and 40 ) and younger would be good for the future but would complicate the present (still not done maturing, susceptible to change etc). Haven't exceeded 3 years in either direction when it comes to relationships.

As for how I feel about it... So long as it's willing, knowing, conscious and it works, I don't have a problem with it. Even if one of the persons is attracted to old people and other other to barely adult. And they'd better be married if they're going to have sex, of course.

 

My partner is 7 years older. One of her younger brother's fiance (and mother of his child) is about 15 years older than he is.

 

I guess it depends on what you consider a "big" age difference. When I was 27 I dated someone who was 20. So that's seven years, don't know if that qualifies as big. One of the reasons the relationship didn't last is for the reason cited by Chev - when you're 27, you're pretty much as mature as you're going to get. Or to paraphrase, if you haven't matured by the age of 27, you probably never will. On the other hand, I know I still had a lot of growing up to do when I was 20, and the same was true of this woman. We were just in a different place in life with a different agenda.

As far as how I feel about significant age differences, I think that the actual ages are far more important than what the ages are relative to each other. For example, I think a 40/30 pairing is far more likely to work than a 30/20 pairing. In terms of maturity level, a 30 year old (generally speaking) is a heck of a lot closer to a 40 year old than a 20 year old. Heck, a 30 year old is probably a lot closer in maturity level to a 40 year old than a 25 year old is to a 20 year old.

I guess my general feeling is if both people are OK with the relationship, I see nothing wrong with it. Having said that, I think larger age differences work better when both people are more mature, as I sited above. I also think that Carcaroth's example was somewhat unusual in that when you see a large age difference in relationships, it is usually the man who is older than the woman, not that I have a problem when the opposite is true.

That would be illegal in most places in the U.S. - at least if you had sex with her. Sixteen is the typical consent age, and if you're under 16 you are only allowed to have sex with someone who is also a minor.

 

Actually, Isn't 18 the legal consent age in the U.S.?

 

Maybe in some states, but I think it's around 15 everywhere.

 

I thought that if you're over 18. and have sex with someone under 18, you can be prosecuted if the minor or his/her parents press charges?

 

It varies from 14-18 by state, IIRC.

 

I'm going to throw out a formula I've always used to determine what is right and what isn't. You might not agree with it but I find it sensiable.

Half your age and add 7 to get the youngest person you 'should' have a relationship with.

So obviously take 7 away from your age then double it to find the oldest person you 'should' have a relationship with.

Example: I'm 20. Half my age: 10. Add 7: 17. 17 is the youngest person I should be having a relationship with. Now the other way. 20 - 7 = 13. 13 x 2 = 26. 26 is the oldest person I should be having a relationship with.

Obviously the older you get the larger the gap applicable is. This formula usually results in age differences that you wouldn't raise an eyebrow to. If you heard about people of these ages dating you wouldn't think 'too old for her/too young for him'.

To answer Shell's questions.
1. I have been in a relationship with a 26 year old girl/woman when I was 20.
2. If it is within the formula I have provided, I don't mind. If it is outside I think someone is having the wool pulled over their eyes or somebody in the relationship most probably has an agenda.

 

All right, I don't want to be a wet blanket, but the formula needs a minimal point. It's not like I believe 12 year boys should have romantic relationships, but in their case, it will result in a 13, meaning they should go for older girls. Not like they wouldn't welcome that (most of my friends would when I was that age), but... Also, 16 halved plus 7 is 15 and I don't think 16 and 14 is so strange, although 16 and 13 would be a stretch. I suppose 18 and 16 is reasonable because there's some difference in maturity between 15 and 16 in case of some people. Obviously, it starts making sense around the age people start having serious relationships. And a woman aged 26 would be too old for you.

 

Meh. A formula? While I see how it would keep one within age boundries that seem reasonable, I personally think that age differences generally correct themselves. If you are in a relationship in which the differences in age would have any significant effect on the relationship, that effect will be resolved, most likely in the realtionship failling. There is of course, one exception to this: when an older (wo)man dates someone much younger than themselves. I talking teenagers being seduced by older (wo)men. Most teens are very impressionable, and many are somewhat desperate for both love and sex. This makes it easy for someone older to seduce them, creating a relationship with an extreme inbalance of power, with the older one doubling as a paternal/maternal authority figure as well as a lover. Pwer play during intimacy is one thing. A power difference in a relationship is another, and can have serious consequences.

 

Sorry I forgot to mention that part. It also hints at that anyone under the age of 14 shouldn't be dating anyway since the formula comes up with an age older than the test subject. I have a feeling that most people would be okay with a 14 year old dating another 14 year old but 13 year olds would be a bit strange.

Yes but this was only because I was a guy. If the roles had been reversed then it would have been quite acceptable, yes?

 

Abomination's formula isn't a bad concept, y'know.

And as for age gaps... six years is the most I can feel comfortable with. So, theorically, I wouldn't mind a 17 or 18 years old girl, if she's mature enough.