Airing my dirty laundry

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2 months ago, i put up a question on these boards. "there's this girl i really like, and she really likes me, but she says we can only be friends" something along those lines. for those who can remember this, here's an update of everything so far. i know im airing my dirty laundry, but i don't give a f**k anymore. here goes:

I met her at my school, she's the president of another club (i'm the president of the guitar club). she's cool and everything, and we really really clicked. I'm like totally open and natural with her, and she's totally cool with everything, which is awesome. I mean, she even knows i watch porn and how many times i jerk off a week and she isnt grossed out by it. awesome. anyway the point is we really really clicked.

During the 1st month we went out sometimes... And she would always be asking me stuff like "do you want to hold my hand?" "do you like me?" and various other suggestive stuff. and yeah, of course i liked her. and i told her that.

then one day she told me "we could only be friends" im like "f**k???" and we talked about this for hours and hours and she would tell me "i'm really busy with the club, my exams, projects and stuff, so no time" and "i really really like you, more than any other guy, but i don't feel for you that way"

So i came to the boards and asked if i should continue waiting for her or should i just date around. various answers came. for the record, i waited for her. and i never played any games (thanks darien).

so anyway, this shit goes on for like 2 and a half months. During which she blows hot and cold at me, continueingly asks me if i still like her (to reassure herself that i dont anymore, so she can feel better), refused to tell whole truths (she never lied, but kept certain truths from me, you know like "why blah blah blah?" "secret")

And now, just last Sunday morning, she tells me the truth. only after i told her in a 5 page letter that i loved her no matter what (and i do. if you don't believe me piss off. i've been through crushes and i've been through tons of shit, i know what love is.) and that even if she doesnt accept me i would still love her. and only after i demanded a substancial excuse, i mean, there is no such thing as no time for love. there is always time. that is not a valid excuse. And as long as you really like someone, there is a chance that you will love him. So the fact that she really likes me means that the excuse of not feeling "that way" is not a valid excuse either. and i told her that. and i asked her to tell me truthfully, why?

and here it is, the truth. She's fallen in love with her instructor. The instructor that teaches her drama club. She's known him for 1 and a half years plus, and around this year she started to have feelings for him. but she didnt know how he felt, and he had a girlfriend, and she wasnt really sure how she really felt either, she was quite confused about the whole situation. and heck, they even kissed once, out of impulse or something. and that made things even more messy. and just 1 weeks ago, just then, the m*****f**k*r broke up with his girlfriend. and they went out like hell during that week. she found out that he had feelings for her too. asshole. she's 19 and he's like 27 or something. bastard.

and she's going "now you see why it is even more impossible between us? even without him, i don't feel that way towards you, but now you see how it's so impossible?" and she says she hasnt told anyone about this, not even her best bud. cos its a instructor-student relationship, which is highly controversal. and cos she wasnt sure about anything yet. so im supposed to be like, oooo, so honoured that i'm the first person she told. Yay. So that's her excuse. that's her excuse for giving me crappy insubstantial rejections. and i don't have anything to say, cos she DID ask me not to pursue her, she DID say it wasnt going to work out. F**k man.

okay so here's the ending of this f**ked up story. I am in love with her, and i may not fall out of it, only time will tell. But right now, i am still waiting, and will continue waiting until some other girl like that turns up (she's the first to come close to my ideal in 5 years). and god it hurts like hell when i think of him and her together. i hope he gets sent to afganistan to fight or something (okay, unlikely, reservists wouldn't be sent, even if singapore did send troops. and nobleman, lets not get into the moral issues, i am consumed with rage, sadness and jealousy and therefore i dont mind if he dies. that is that). i wish her all the best, but hope that somehow i still have a chance. I don't hate her, I don't hate him (but I still would like to stab him in the back of the neck with a salad fork, ok not really). I hate the situation, and all the circumstances that led to this. But i am keeping to my stand, i love her.

 

I feel for you. That's not a great scenario at all!

I was there a few years back, boy likes girl, A LOT, girl likes boy, but not like that...

In my case to be fair, it was a lucky escape as such, but still felt terrible at the time. Got my own back by going out with her sister instead.

You will feel better (less bad to be fair) over a little time, but I would suggest it would help to minimise contact even though you get on great. Seeing eachother often just makes it harder. Go out with friends, get drunk, try to do things that enable you to take your mind off it anything really, but keep busy.

Living in hope is too dangerous, as it will stop you getting on with your own life.

Just as a PS, there are other nice women out there too. That much I have learnt.

Be lucky.

 

Arkados, I'm sorry. That's it. About you.

The problem was not in you, nor in her instructor. The problem is in HER!
Obviously, she wanted to date a FATHER. So let her to date him. Her next boyfriend will probably be a GRANDPA.

Yes, I know, I'm the most rude person on these boards. But how could I say this better? Understand that she doesn't want you because she feels for you not a friendship, but an "elder sister/young brother" relationship. That's where lays the trust she gave you, that's where lay her hot/warm mood changes.

Forget her. It is hard, I know it is. Don't force yourself to forget her. Don't make stupid moves because of it all. Just stop thinking about her. Burn anything that reminds you of her. She will never be yours and you know that already. But yes, it is so damned hard to accept it. I know it is.

Arkados, thank you for sharing this. I hope you now feel a bit easy.

And as Viking said, there are more nice women around you - women you never even noticed.

 

Arkados, that realationship isn't going to last but I wouldn't wait around for it either! Extremist and Viking are right, you have to start doing things to forget about her(I know its impossible) but one day you will be out having fun not even thinking about girls and bam! you meet someone.

 

Some excerpts from Matt Groening's Love is Hell comic:

Things to remember:

1) Life was once beautiful and food didn't taste like cardboard.

2)Punch your pillow, not the wall.

3) Don't act on any bright ideas you suddenly get, like shaving your head or picking fights with burly thugs.

4) Do not loathe yourself. You are no more an unlovable pathetic jerk than you ever were.

5) There is more than one cuttlefish in the sea.

Things I have learned about love:

1) What is Love? Love is Hell.

2) But surely there's more to Love than Hellishnes, isn't there? Yes. I lied. Love is riddled with lying.

3) Who wrote the book of Love? Some goddamned liar.

4) Can I ever be sure of Love? Yeah, right.

5) What if my feelings get hurt? Join the club.

6) Is it possible that my Lover could betray me? Who else would?

7) How can I get over my Love loss? You'll get bored eventually. (Or stop by SP! )

8) How can I get back at a Lover who left me? Don't be such a simp next time.

9) Can Love ever succeed in the end? Yes. In fairy tales, TV commercials, and certain naive and foolish cartoons.

10) Eventually she came back and they lived happily ever after. The End.

The final slam! And there you stand! Alone! In Solitude! All by yourself! Spooky, isn't it? And this is just the beginning:

The 22 stages of heartbreak:

1 - The first flinch
2 - Amazement
3 - Disbelief
4 - Shock
5 - Slow Sinking sensation
6 - Pain
7 - Extreme Pain
8 - Pain, Pain, Pain
9 - Pain & Weeping
10 - Drunken Stupor
11 - Pain + Weeping + Hangover
12 - Deep Despair
13 - Sudden Rage
14 - Deeper Dispair
15 - Self - Pity
16 - Self-Loathing
17 - Seething Hatred
18 - Gloom
19 - Heart of Stone
20 - Wounded but Alive
21 - Occasional Perkiness
22 - Ready for more punishment

Cheer Up! Things get better!

 

So you're saying a lawyer created love?


Arkados, you'll get over it eventually, trust me. I tried the being in love with someone who loved someone else too(and she was just as, what's the phrase, pot & pan? with me).

The first steps are the hardest ones, like not thinking too much of her, later it will become easier to open your eyes and mind for other beauties.

Of course all of this sounds like a load of crap to the one still blinded by love, but in time it will make sense. And as Bel says, don't hasten actions that are to be set off by emotions

[This message has been edited by Lokken (edited September 24, 2001).]

 

My brother was in a similar situation to yours a while back.

Firstly, i comlpeatly agree with EX.
NOw i would like to tel you a little story.
My bro was obbsessed with this girl (like you are) and she wasnt to keen on him, but he decided not to give up. He persued her until they started going out. BUT, once he got her, he realised that he put in so much effort into getting her, and in the end she wasnt worth it (like your friend maybe).

So anyway, this isnt a 'DONT GIVE UP STORY' but just she isnt worth it

 

Ahh, more lovestories (*sigh*)

I reeeeally like this girl, but I've decided to do nothing. I just say too much stupid things if I try to do anything. So in the meantime, I'll just go on being miserable me alone and watch her being caught by some other asshole.

 

Remember, Arkados, you can always go gay and move to Vermont.

"Bro"s before "ho"s.

 

I've been there once. There was this girl i really liked and she came up with some sort of stupid excuse and shit. And after she told me, two days went by and then i just did her best friend I thought that was cool, but she didnt like it for some reason, now can you understand her??

[This message has been edited by Firestorm (edited September 25, 2001).]

 

I would never take advantage of this to discuss moral and ethics, its repulsive.

Have you seen Lolita? Starring Jeremy Irons? see it and tell me you wont end like him; mentally frozen.

Anyway you said drama course? and you said guitar player? And she is 19? You said instructor age 27? It seem to me she is experimenting with her life before settling down. So in a way you are comforting her to rebel on you with your letters, because she knows she can always come back to you after her experiments? Of course she would never admit this to you... I don't believe one second that she will love this bloke forever, she is driven by curiosity not love; IMO.

Had it been Hollywood you two would end up together again but alas it isn't. Keep a low profile with her but don't let her drift away. In time she might come to you again. And if you love her and she realises she loves you, then what the heck. In the meantime go live your life instead of mourning over another's.

I have heard a spanish saying;

she hated lovers but she loved their love.

And a danish

what is love against a good steak with onions?

 

And a bosnian one:

"You can't get a pie from a pile of shit"

I just read it today in a newspaper and really liked it, sorry for spamming.

Anyway, for the elderly and friendly advice:
You really can't do much with this. You can either try to forget her or, if you really love her, wait and see. This thing with the teacher surely won't work out too. It's probably one of those teen episodes when girls fall in love with a Backstreet Boy member or something...
So, like I said, either forget or wait and see. She might come back to you, who knows?

 

The men who love you , you hate the most. they pass right through you like a ghost.
u2 song 'so cruel'! yep and its so accurate. come to think of it man she was doing a make sure you got your foot on the other boat before you step over. ..

 

Pain and love go hand in hand and both are a lot of work. It is what you do with each of them individually that matters.