Animal Crackers, and not a word of sex (PG13)

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The bear was ugly, repugnant animal, but he was the kindest one in the whole forest. But other animals only took notice of his appearance. So bear ususally got mad, caought different animals and beat them up. And animals did not love him. Though he was kind. And merry. He liked good jokes. Animals hayted him for these jokes and beat him up. Yes, 'tis hard to be kind and funny in this world...

Wolf was dirty and repugnant too. And he was very evil and cruel. But nimals did not hate him and did not beat him. That's because wolf has died in his early childhood. Yes, it is good when The Good overcome The Evil.

Hare was evil and cruel. And dirty. And he was cowardly too. He never did any nasty things to anyone, because he was afraid. That's because Evil must always be punished.

Woodpecker was cruel and evil too. He never beat up any animals. That's because he had no hands. That's why he usually released his anger on trees. Animals did not beat him, too, becuase they could not get him on the tree. But once a tree fell and squished the woodpecker. Animals said it was the tree's revenge. After that animals were afraid to pee under the tree for the whole month. The peed on the Hare. Hare caught flu and died. Everyone understood 'twas Woodpecker's fault. But they did not beat him up. Because he was under the fallen tree. Yes, sometimes Evil goes unpunished.

Mole was small and blind. He was not evil, but he was good in his job. That was him who chewed the roots of the tree which squished the Woodpecker. But nobody knew that, so they did not beat up Mole. They did not beat him up at all, they spooked him. But 'twas hard to spook Mole, for he was blind and did not see that someone spooks him. When animals could not spook the mole they got mad and beat up Bear. Once the Bear wanted to spook the Mole too. But the Mole was not spooked. Because Bear killed him. Unintentionally. The Bear was clumsy. And the animals beat the Bear up hard. Even though Bear said he just wanted to make a joke. 'Tis bad when nobody understands your jokes...

Fox was very cunning. The could easily fool everyone. When she succeeded, animals did not beat her up. But sometimes she was out of luck. And then animals beat her up. The whole forest helped. And then she could not fool anyone, for its hard to fool whe you're being beat up. Once they beat the Fox up to death. Yes, you can't hide the truth...

Warthog was big, strong and scary. But nobody was afraid of him. So everyone just beat him up. Or just hurled rocks at him. Warthog did not like it. Once he had hidden all the rocks in the forest. So animals beat him up, and the Warthog never hidden any stones again. 'Tis truth - time to collect the rocks but dont you dare touch them in need!

Goat was neither good nor evil. He was just a goat. He fooled around all the time, and animals were afraid to beat him up. But once he got to everyone with his fooling. And animals beat him up to death. Otherwise, he'd die anyway for he was old. Bear cried a lot, for he secretly loved Goat. Truth - love's cruel.

Hedgehog was small and pricky. He pricked. He was not evilm he just was pricky by his nature. That's why animals only bet him in the stomack. Hedgehog did not like that and once shaved. And then everyone beat him up normally. 'Tis hard to be not like the others.

Skunk was almost like Hare. But he was stinky. He smelled really bad. That's why animals only beat him up in the plastic bag. This way the odour was not that strong. Once Skunk had a birthday. He invited all the animals for he was greedy and liked the gifts. And animals presented him with a new plastic bag. And they beat him up in the new bag. Immediately. And the Skunk suffocated. So the animals buried him in the very same bag. In The Far Wood. That's because the dead Skunk smelled even worse than a live one.
But once the animals of The Far Wood came and beat up the local animals. They did not like the smell of a dead Skunk.
Be peaceful to your neigbours...

Hamster was very greedy also. He was rich. If he shared his riches, animals wouldn't beat him up that hard. But he was very greedy. Animals beat him up for that and took the riches. The Hamster cried a lot. Yes, the rich cry too...

Lion was the king of the forest. The law said not to beat up kings. But the animals were not lawful, so they beat up the Lion too. Such was the custom...

 

sounds kinda like the ten commandments animal-style.
theyre all little stories with morals.
theyre cool, and it shows some insight into the real you...(animals this, animals that, beat up a dead skunk in a plastic bag, beat up bears cuz they look funny, dont beat up hamsters if the give you money...)

 

I thought that that was hilarious.

But not only that but, well, what herf said.

 

Haha!

That was funny, i agree with Herf!

 

Absolutely hilarious!!

 

'Twas supposed to be more or less a reflection of our human nature and bitter reality. O'course 'tis funny until you try to place yourself on the animals' place (no matter what animal, you can see, they all ended up the same) .

I just started wondering, who was actually left alive to beat up Lion in the last paragraph?

Well, I still might be a better comedian than solitary philosopher.