Bad pickup lines

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Just a little article to bring a chuckle or 2.

Cheese to meet you

 

Can I borrow a quarter? I need to call God and tell him he's lost an angel...

 

The number of bad pick-up lines is beyond comprehension. It would be far easier to enumerate all the good ones and say that the rest sucks

Now, from my own list of hated pick-ups:

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"So, you study to be a lawyer?"

(these two often go together)

"Hi, what do you look like?" or "Could you describe yourself?" and similar IM/IRC cheese

"You're going to be lucky", and similar cheese implying I should feel really lucky; exception: when it's a joke and nothing serious, or when she actually has a point there

"How about threesome?"

"Are you good enough?" or similar (I usually reply "I'm afraid not")

There are many other pick-ups I typically dislike, but depending on the circumstances they might actually work. For example, from the article you mention, I would normally hate “I’m here. What were your other two wishes?”, but it depends on the person speaking. I might even agree.

Well, due to gender restrictions the rest of them doesn't apply to me

 

[ snip ]

[ Inappropriate content removed. ] - Beren

"Are your pants made of mirrors? Because I can see myself in them."

[ slightly more appropriate content added. ] - DR

[ May 26, 2004, 22:03: Message edited by: Death Rabbit ]

 

Worst of the worst, this one. No one really knows how to answer to this one without sounding too a) self-centered, b) philosophical, or c) both. It's even worse if it is asked from you in chat, and usually a loss of interest follows.

(And this is usually what women say, btw.)

 

So, what's your ip address?

My name is justin, justincredible

Are you from tennessee because you are the only ten i see around here.

 

"Nice clothes, they'd look good lying on my bedroom floor."

"Hey, nice shoes. Wanna $$$$?"

 

Anything that actually has a punch-line. They just make me cringe. Let's pray for a time when people can say what they feel, without resorting to such tacky lows.

 

You must be exhausted, you've been running through my mind all night!!

 

Yeah, 100% right. In most cases it's about just looks anyway and it's asking about your looks in the first sentence. "Hi, what do you like?". The only worse thing I know is "hi, what's your name?". Well, wait. I do know something worse. It's the same questions but posed without a question mark on the end.

Whatever I write in reply, it always results in something like "you're a terribly serious person, aren't you?". The only sensible answer to that is "If I were a terribly serious person I certainly wouldn't realise it and think of myself this way". They conclude it with something as bright as "you're a strange person" (goodness gracious, they at least don't add the damned question tag this time!) and it ends there.

If you survive the initial wave, there's always something for you further there. Q: "Are you nice?". A: "I'm certainly not".

Some are even so brilliant as to ask you "Are you as [insert whatever] as my ex was?" when you first talk to them

I do adore a cunning wordplay, but some people (examples above and in the previous post) are just not suited for verbal subtleties...

[ May 26, 2004, 19:24: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

"If you were a burger at McDonald's, you'd be McGorgeous."
"I just saw you looking at me from across the room. I'll give you a minute to catch your breath."
"Do you have a map because I'm lost in your eyes."
"Is it hot in here or is it just you?"
"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"
"Excuse me, do you have your phone number, I seem to have lost mine."
"Do you sleep on your stomach? No. Can I?"
"There must be something wrong with my eyes because I can't take them off you."

 

Hmm... You know what? I know there's already lots from me in this topic, but I think I still have something I didn't say earlier. You know... I think some of the lines people mention here are actually not so bad for a lady to use.

Let's take one from Taza as an example:

If I heard a man say that, I wouldn't like to be eating at that moment. But from a lady it sounds quite nice - if the guy actually was looking, of course.

 

The most vulgar and insulting one I have heard was on a TV commercial, where the guy was using different pick up lines and the last one he used was;

"Hey, can I buy you a drink or would you just like the cash?"

I thought it was suiting that he was head butted.

 

@ Chevalier

"Hi, my name is X, nice to meet you. What is your name?" -is actually supposed to be the best one, so don't twist my words too far and then build your sarcasm on it.

 

You get the quote wrong, hence the rest is objectless. I said something completely different than you imply.

There's a difference between introducing yourself properly like in your quote and asking a stranger's name without telling him your own first.

"Hello, my name is Whatever. What's yours?" is acceptable, but "Hello, what's your name?" is completely improper. Perhaps for some people it's the same as proper introduction, but I pay attention to details when good manners are concerned.

[ May 27, 2004, 01:01: Message edited by: chevalier ]

 

"I always get like this when I want to kiss someone....."

 

"Wanna go back to my place for pizza and sex? No? What, you don't like pizza?"

From some of the comments in this thread, I get the impression that these incredibly lame pick-up lines are actually used in the real world. Heh...I thought they were just jokes

 

@Faerus - a friend of mine used the pizza line on a girl who promptly replied with simply "I don't like pizza"

A couple I think sound quite funny, even if they may not work in reality are:

** What winks and f***s like a tiger? (followed by the line-deliverer winking)

** Is that a ladder in your stocking or a stairway to heaven?

** (moisten fingers and wipe them on target's clothes) Let's get you home and out of those wet clothes.

Granted, that last would near-guarantee you a punch in the face at the least but it would be damn funny to see someone try it out.

 

They do work for people who are too lazy to come up with a passable approach and still have enough decency not to say simply "you wanna fork?"

 

Now what part I did not understand, Chevalier? It might be the little nuances escaping my translation, but in finnish, it means just what I think it means. But oh do explain o'master of Bad Pick-up Lines.