Blast from the past

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So, i just found a pretty old start to a d&d inspired story i started off like 10 years ago, but never did anything with.
Mind you, i wrote this when i was 16 or 17, so the writing is pretty terrible, along with the fact that i wasn't really that familiar with DnD, and i'm pretty sure i recognize some bits and jokes i plagiarized from a number of sources.
It was meant as a tongue-in -cheek story, blatantly breaking the 4th wall at times and referring to the D&D mechanics, but i never did anything with it beyond writing the intro, and posting an earlier version of it on some weblog i'm not even sure still exists.
still, rereading it was good for a laugh, so i thought i'd post it here hoping you guys could get some amusement from it as well.

 

LOL -- I think it's great! Interestingly, you've set up the character personalities so that they are quite distinct and that definitely builds interest -- it wasn't so much what they were doing, as who they were. I think you should run with it...build upon it and develop them further -- it could be a great story!

 

Thanks, i'm glad you liked it and got a laugh out of it.
Even back when i wrote this i liked those stories that focused on the characters, I feel like they are what drives a story and creates the hook for readers to get invested in the first place.

If i were to run with it, i would rewrite this intro a bit, changing up the name of some of the protagonists for starters, naming the main one after my online nickname and the other after some people i knew/know was fun back not really original

I've allways wanted to do something a bit more visual with it from the get-go though, but as i am no great artist i never did, and my interest in just writing a long story waned quickly after i started focusing on other things.

Still, finding it again after all these years (the original document was from 2005 ) has rekindled my interest in it a bit, so who knows, i might rewrite it and add some more to the story and post it here to see what people think.

 

I think you've got a good talent for writing dialogue, which is no easy thing. Even in that very short story intro, it's pretty clear to see. The characters pretty much jumped off the page. Hope you take it further.

 

I just might
Changed some things, i notice i have a tendency to put down numbers where i should just write them out normally (1 instead of one, etc.)
contemplating on changing actively referring to being on 1 hp to simply "nearly dead" as i feel like characters in the D&D universe would have no notion of hit points.

i'd have to flesh out the intro a bit with character descriptions, so i won't have to refer to their names before the lines they say as well in the beginning.