Break Ups

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Break ups are so **** .

My girlfriend, Karen, went away to her relatives for a few months (and I've missed her like hell!!). When she came back a few days ago she was a bit funny with me and said everything was ok when I asked why. Today, she told me that she that she slept with another guy there and was havign a relationship with him. She reckons she felt so bad that she had to tell me, but didn't before now because she didn't want to hurt me...

She says she cares a lot for him and is leaving me for him. I loved her so much and this is so ****ing **** . I have had break ups before, but I never knew it was possible to feel this much pain . I'm a big English guy, I never cry about anything, but I am now, I can't stop . I feel physically sick and don't know what to do with myself . Big soft bloody cry baby, sort yer sen out Phil .

Anyone been in such a horribly painful break up before? How do you stop the pain? I'm just getting bladdered and it seems to be making thigns worse for now. Need more beer .

 

My last relationship's end was so devastating I actually thought I was having a heart attack. I'd never felt anything like it before, and at that moment I didn't really mind the idea of dying. I felt numb for days, but I eventually snapped out of it and got on with my life.

My advice: Give it some time. Sleep off the beer, and it'll make a little more sense in the morning. Not much, but a little. Hang in there, man.

 

I nearly had a baby with her some months back, we had a pregnancy 'scare'. It turns out that she wasn't pregnant and I was glad and relieved at the time. She was devastated. I wish now that she could have been pregnant, it would have brought us together and this wouldn't have happened .

I'll never find such a wonderful girl as her for as long as I live .

 

Just remember the good times and be glad for what you had. If that doesn't work, I've found anger can burn you out relatively quickly. On that note...

/me dons suit of armor

This may not be what you want to hear right now, but if she slept with someone else while she was still involved with you, maybe she wasn't the great girl you thought she was.

 

Be a man about it, and stop your blubbering, there are tons more where she came from, right? Go out and pull something, or get a lapdance, it'll make you feel better.

 

All I can do for ya, Barmy, is offer you a shoulder and a hand to keep you from drowning in the loo.

It'll hurt for a looooong time, man. You'll see her *everywhere* and in *everything*. This pain is what really bites about the love thing. It goes away...eventually.

 

As a victim of this (albeit to a lesser degree) I'm with felinoid on this one Barmy. Doesn't make it hurt any less though. Like Sarevok said, you just have to go out there and try and forget about her. It may take a while, but it'll happen.

 

break-ups are never easy, that's true.

It is not my goal to sound like a whiny bastard, but I've been cheated on during my last three relationships. It is true that being cheated on is devastating, but if you look at it under the proper light, you might find find a few flaws in the relationship that led to that. Ponder on these flaws, and you'll be wiser in your next relationships in knowning the mistakes that you should avoid re-doing. It may sound difficult or stupid, but you'll be amazed at all you can learn.

There is no miracle cure to stop the pain, unfortunatly. But through our experiences, we grow wiser and stronger. Give it some time. Invest yourself in something you like. Go to a strip club. Drink beer. And *don't* be a rush to meet new people. Take all the time you need to heal these wounds, and preferably do so alone. And when they are nothing but scars, then indulge yourself in meeting new people. That's what I do, and it has worked fine for me.

Anyways, that's just my two cents.

 

Damn, Barmy, that sucks. Much sympathy.

 

Thanks guys.
I feel a bit crap this morning now to throw that into the mix, pml.

I don't feel much like I'll be ok any time soon, I just want her back.

Ah well, I hope it goes soon (or I'll end up hurting something). Thanks for the messages.

 

I'm with everyone else, if she cheats on you, she's not so wonderful as you think.

Besides, you're a man, and you're English...an English man who can hold his liquor...so go get wasted, and tell some attractive lass there, your story, and get a sympathy shag out of it.

Just remember, things could have been worse, much worse...she could have left you for another woman...but she didn't, so suck it up (literally) and then stager out of the bar with an attractive young lass.

And if that doesn't work for you...you can always try celabacy.

 

I'm young, but I went through a horrible breakup a few years ago. She had been my best friend and then we dated, and it was passionate, fun, everything a 20 year old could want. And then we broke up and started playing a horrible game with each that had no winners. It ended on a night in West Edmonton Mall parking lot where I told her "The best sex we've ever had is all times you've f****d with my head." pushed her new boyfriend on the ground and broke his best friends nose.

We haven't spoken since that night. Not only did I lose a great girl, but my best friend. That was three years ago, and I'm so over it, new friends, new girl everything you could want.

As for advice. The best I can say is move on.

 

*hug*

Sounds like you really loved her.

My advice: Do something. Work, play games, go out, talk about it.

Every day that passes it will hurt less.

 

I agree with Felinoid on this.

Actually, you'd probably be surprised by just how many wonderful girls there are out there. Finding them can be a trick though.

The pain is tough mate. It defies your logical mind and burns straight to your heart no matter how much you try to avoid it. I don't think there's an easy way to deal with it and all our advice is probably about as much use to you as, well, a really useless thing, even though many of us have been through what we would think to be similar situations.

Chin up, all we can say is that something will sort itself out one way or another.

 

Indeed, if she cheated on you and even lied about it, she's not the wonderful girl you picture her to be. It's quite sweet of you and shows you probably loved her, most probably more than she did you, but it's an idealised picture and you'll soon figure this out. Just let some time pass.

Next thing, do move on. I don't suggest any sort of rebound, from strip joint to an instant new girlfriend. Strip joints and prostitutes will only make you feel cheap and increase your feeling of loss. Getting a new girlfriend will result in a sore disenchantment as soon as you get over losing the previous one. My advise is stick to your friends and your hobbies, go on with your life and your job, studies or hobbies as best you can, don't avoid women but don't jump into anything.

Here's what you must know: you don't need a girlfriend to be a guy, to be yourself, to be successful, to make your life count. You don't even need one to be happy. The fear of loneliness and the desire always to be with someone is part of what makes people cheat and break-up so often, starting a new relationship before the old one ends. Sure, everyone needs some contact with both genders to stay healthy but you don't need to be romantic or sexual with a girl to talk to her, take her somewhere for a little walk or some dancing. Whatever. In short: friends. You'll always be better off in a relationship that starts without your help, where you don't kill yourself trying to create some feelings but actually just recognise the feelings that already are and can't be helped.

Let's say I know how it feels to be cheated. I know how it feels to be betrayed by people you have trusted, whether in a romantic relationship or not. I know what sometimes goes on in people heads when they are telling you they would never lie to you. I know how it feels to find out that people who said they couldn't defend you when you were not there were the ones who initiated the attack. When it comes to girlfriends, I had one who climbed on jocks' laps to flirt with them when I was ill in bed. I know how it feels to see one cuddle up with another guy the same night of hooking up with you. I know how it feels to be told it was all joking. I know how it feels to find out a woman had a boyfriend or even a husband when she went out with you. I know something of girls who have the need to flirt with other guys when you are waiting for them to talk to you a little. I know something of girls who have a number of dark secrets and won't tell you some most basic things. Or about girls you find having a great time downtown after they told you they had to focus on studying. Or of girls who show up on the following day to tell you how nice it was to make out with the guy they said they would turn down and return to you shortly. Not to mention the fair weather girls who are nice to you so long as you agree with them on everything. Or girls who start fantasising about doing stuff with other guys the moment you turn them on a little or they start walking around in revealing clothes and getting guys stare on their chests because they feel so real women after all the special attention they get from you. I know something of girls who are not who they tell you they are. I know how it feels to have your confidential correspondence read and have the same person accuse you of breaking her trust and snooping by... reading a newspaper article about her and confronting her friend on the contradictions with her version of it. I know how it feels to discover your girlfriend had been lying to you for months, since you first talked. I know what you can get from a Christian woman despite all she told you about religion and God. I even know something about schemes that involve more than just one girl and I know what deeply religious girls can come up with.

In short, life is beautiful. Cheer up.

 

What Chev said; she kicked you out so no use of brooding in it. Kick her ass, feel a bit better, and find a new date. Relationships are for fools anyway.

 

You always make me sad when you say that, Wirhe. Whoever made you that bitter?

 

This man speaks the truth.

 

To be honest, I'm starting to believe him!
I think it'll be a while before I get completely emotionally involved with someone. It just leads to getting hurt.

 

@Barmy: I've been through this five years ago. I thought I wouldn't get over it. You have to be realistic, you've invested your feelings and you've been let down. What you need is some time off with your mates and plenty of lager. Don't go back to this girl. Ever. She cheated on you once nothing will prevent her from cheating again:
Nothing can put Humpty Dumpty back together once it's been broken.
My ex-girlfriend left me for another guy who in turn dumped her after having sex with her. She came back crying. I was devastated and it made me sick (actual physical pain, I couldn't eat and did throw up a lot and didn't even bother to shave or go out). But I didn't take her back. I won't lie, I still think about her even now five years later, even if I had been with other girls. But I know I made the right decision.