Canadian jokes

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Here's a few jokes for my fellow Canadians.

ONLY IN CANADA......

a. can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance

b. are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink

c. do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store
to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
front

d. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke

e. do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters

f. do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
worthless junk in the garage

g. do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting
so we won't miss a call from soneone we didn't want to talk to in the first
place

h. do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight

i. do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well, "Poli"
>in Latin meaning many and "tics" meaning bloodsucking creatures

j. do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering

YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM CANADA WHEN........

a. you only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup

b. you design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit

c. the mosquitoes have landing lights

d. you have more miles on your snowblower than your car

e. you have ten favourite recipes for moose meat

f. Canadian Tire on any given Saturday is busier than the toy stores at
Christmas

g. you live in a house that has no front step yet the door is one meter
above the ground

h. you've taken the kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard

i. driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with
snow

j. you think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only
eight buttons

k. you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car

l. the local paper covers national and international events on two pages but
requires six pages for hockey

m. the most effective mosquito repellant is a shotgun

n. your snowblower gets stuck on the roof

o. you think the start of deer season is a national holiday

p. you know which leaves make good toilet paper

q. you find -40C a little chilly

r. you can play road hockey on skates

s. you know the four seasons - winter, still winter, almost winter and
construction

t. the municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus

u. you understand the Labatt Blue commercials

v. you perk up when you hear the theme for "Hockey Night in Canada"

w. you head south to go to your cottage-

x. the trunk of your car actually doubles a deep freeze

Some of these are actually true!!!

 

"f. do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
worthless junk in the garage"- hah, except in winter, when we have to put the car in the garage and plug it in so it doesn't die of hypothermia. I *LOVE* breaking the news about that to recent immigrants, they always think I'm kidding! Until the first minus-20 morning their car won't start, of course...

 

Hmm isn't
"f. do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our
worthless junk in the garage"
true of almost everywhere?

 

I keep my mum in the garage......hmmm yes i see the point!
What's a snowblower?

 

The 'Only in Canada" ones, can be found in America anywhere, hehe

 

...Right.

 

One word comments dont work well, they are called spam and that also added nothing to the topic, but...just to show you how true my statement was:

a. Wouldnt suprise me if a pizza could get to some people's houses faster than an Ambulance, but in most cases its not the Ambulance that gets there first anyway, its the Fire fighters.

b. There are handicap parking spaces in front of skating rinks.

c. In every drug store Ive been in, the pharamacy section of the store, was at the back.

d. People order Double cheeseburgers, fries and a diet coke(I dont, but I know people that do).

e. Ive been in a number of banks that the front doors have stood open, and the pens were attached to the counter by ball chains.

f. Even this one, Ive seen people leave really pricey cars in the driveway, because they couldnt fit it in the garage. Because of all the junk in there.

g. I know people who use the answering machine to screen calls, and they also have a caller ID(pointless, no?).

h. Hotdogs are bought in packages of 12, and the buns are bought in packages of 8, so you have to buy a bunch of hotdogs, and buns to have an equal number.

i. Nothing further to add to this one...

j. ATMs have Braile lettering on them, why is that necessary? Blind people shouldnt be driving.

[This message has been edited by DeBhaal Stasion (edited June 01, 2002).]

 

Sir Dargorn - A snowblower is exactly what it sounds like: a machine that blows snow off things Very useful when you have to shovel the driveway at least once everyday for six months out of the year (unless you live in Toronto or Vancouver ).

DeBhaal Stasion - you're right, most of the ONLY IN CANADA ones apply in a lot of other places. But the ambulance v. pizza delivery is particular relevant in Canada these days as our public medical system is having severe problems. In most major Canadian cities, ambulances are on 're-direct', meaning that they are often re-directed from one hospital to another several times while on-route. Plus, while almost every small town has at least one pizza delivery place, most have to share ambulance services with other towns.

 

ahhh those are so true as they relate to my life in ontario

my favorite are:

a. can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance(5 minutes for the pizza 30 minutes for ambulance)

d. do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke
(would you like to supersize that?)

e. do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
(always wanted to steal the pens )

h. do we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight
(not funny, to equal out you need to buy 2 packages of hotdogs and 3 buns)

b. you design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit
(Whats is worng with that???)

g. you live in a house that has no front step yet the door is one meter
above the ground
(And ever increasing)