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Chuck Norris' dire warning for America - 2012

Discussion in 'Alley of Lingering Sighs' started by Taluntain, Sep 23, 2012.

  1. Taluntain

    Taluntain Resident Alpha and Omega Staff Member ★ SPS Account Holder Resourceful Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) New Server Contributor [2012] (for helping Sorcerer's Place lease a new, more powerful server!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) BoM XenForo Migration Contributor [2015] (for helping support the migration to new forum software!)

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    By some voodoo magic I've managed to miss this appeal from Chuck Almighty to save America from thousand years of darkness (=reelecting Obama; love the probably unintended allegory) but I thought it was worth posting here. It's frightening to me how the Cold War / Pinkos Among Us mentality is apparently still very much alive and well among the influential in America.

    I have to say that I was sorely disappointed, however. If there's anyone who could save the wor... err America, it's Chuck! WHY IS CHUCK NOT RUNNING FOR OFFICE?!

    Oh wait, I know. Chuck Norris doesn't run for Office... the Office runs for him!

    :lol:
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2015
    Taluntain, Sep 23, 2012
    #1
  2. Drew

    Drew Arrogant, contemptible, and obnoxious Adored Veteran

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    While Walker Texas Ranger may have another fist under his beard in lieu of a chin, this does not make him influential -- unless he threatens to start causing earthquakes if we re-elect Obama. That would worry me. We all know that Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups -- he actually pushes the earth down, instead -- imagine what would happen if he started doing squat-jumps. Scary stuff. That said, claims that America is actually a not a democracy, but a 'Chucktatorship' are largely misguided. They are really just based in fear, which is understandable. After all, Chuck Norris only has two speeds, walk and kill, so making Chuck mad is always a bad idea. The quickest way to a man's heart may indeed be Chuck Norris' fist, but not even the great Chuck Norris can get to a man's heart without killing him, rendering him unable to cast a ballot in November. At least for now, I'm not worried about Chuck Norris, but you can never fully write the man off.

    After all, Chuck Norris never dies -- he just sleeps in the ground for a bit, but we all know that Chuck Norris never really sleeps -- he waits.
     
    Drew, Sep 23, 2012
    #2
  3. Aldeth the Foppish Idiot

    Aldeth the Foppish Idiot Armed with My Mallet O' Thinking Veteran

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    Yeah, I don't consider Chuck Norris particularly influential either. He's pretty much a B-list celebrity at this point. Most of his more popular films were done in the 1970s and 1980s. He went TV after that, but Walker Texas Ranger had to of started about 20 years ago, and it's probably only available on syndication for the past 10. Truly, I can't name one memorable movie or show starring Chuck Norris since 2000. This is just another way of saying that I seriously doubt Norris is in any way capable of swaying the American populace one way or the other. Heck, not even Clint Eastwood could do that (and he's another guy you definitely don't want to get mad), and he's easily much more popular that Norris.

    That said, Chuck looks great. The guy HAS to be around 70 years old. I can't be bothered to look up his actual birthdate, but just from the length of time he's been making movies, he had to have been born in the early 40s.
     
    Aldeth the Foppish Idiot, Sep 24, 2012
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  4. Blades of Vanatar

    Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    There is only one thing to say about Chuck Norris... Bruce Lee vs. Chuck Norris = Dead Chuck Norris. :p Fortunately for Chuck, Bruce is the dead.
     
    Blades of Vanatar, Sep 24, 2012
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  5. Taluntain

    Taluntain Resident Alpha and Omega Staff Member ★ SPS Account Holder Resourceful Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) New Server Contributor [2012] (for helping Sorcerer's Place lease a new, more powerful server!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) BoM XenForo Migration Contributor [2015] (for helping support the migration to new forum software!)

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    You guys who are saying that Chuck isn't influential must have not gotten the Chuck Norris Facts memo.

    Chuck Norris doesn't influence. He merely reminds everyone of what they know to be God's own truth.
     
    Taluntain, Sep 24, 2012
    #5
  6. T2Bruno

    T2Bruno The only source of knowledge is experience Distinguished Member ★ SPS Account Holder Adored Veteran New Server Contributor [2012] (for helping Sorcerer's Place lease a new, more powerful server!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Don't really care about Chuck's political views -- but you're wrong Blades. Chuck Norris was the world karate champion when Bruce was alive -- Bruce's fights with him were scripted. Chuck Norris was the complete bad ass when Bruce was alive....
     
    T2Bruno, Sep 28, 2012
    #6
  7. Aldeth the Foppish Idiot

    Aldeth the Foppish Idiot Armed with My Mallet O' Thinking Veteran

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    I agree with that - but how many years ago... I mean decades ago... was that? I just looked up Chuck Norris' age on wiki and he's even a bit older than I thought - I thought he was going to be in his mid to late 60s. Turns out he's 72. So yeah, he looks phenomenal for his age.
     
    Aldeth the Foppish Idiot, Sep 28, 2012
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  8. Montresor

    Montresor Mostly Harmless Staff Member ★ SPS Account Holder

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    Chuck Norris doesn't grow older because he moves at the speed of light. :p
     
    Montresor, Sep 28, 2012
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    Taluntain likes this.
  9. Blades of Vanatar

    Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    No way! Bruce Lee was THE bad ass, superfast! Chuck paled in comparison. Though I will admit that Chuck would of been immune to Bruce's One-Inch Punch... he has several inches of chest hair as a buffer.:D
     
    Blades of Vanatar, Sep 28, 2012
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  10. joacqin

    joacqin Confused Jerk Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Bruce Lee was an actor first and firemost afaik while Chuck Norris was an athlete who started acting.
     
    joacqin, Sep 28, 2012
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  11. Blades of Vanatar

    Blades of Vanatar Vanatar will rise again Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    I'm referring to both as "characters" not real-life studs. NO ONE is a real-life bad ass. Chuck could get his ass kicked by thousands of people, as could Bruce.
     
    Blades of Vanatar, Sep 28, 2012
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  12. Marceror

    Marceror Chaos Shall Be Sown In Their Footsteps Adored Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) Torment: Tides of Numenera SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!) BoM XenForo Migration Contributor [2015] (for helping support the migration to new forum software!)

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    Indiana Jones would take them both out.
     
    Marceror, Sep 28, 2012
    #12
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