Daft Things You've Heard Folk Say

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We were once deciding what film to put on and my last girlfriend said '10,000 BC? Why would you want to watch a film about Jesus?' She didn't quite understand when I was trying to explain you couldn't get much further than Jesus of you tried.

What daft things have you heard people come out with?

 

A few years ago, my wife and I were at the zoo, looking at prairie dogs running around in their enclosure. A man and women walked up and the woman, sounding like she was absolutely amazed, said “they look so life-like!” It was all I could do to keep from saying “that’s because they’re, um, alive”.

Also, I’ve heard a few people say “knock it off you bozos” on various occasions, as if that’s going to have any effect.

 

A friend of mine came round today and was telling me that her daughter had been sent home from school with a children's bible (It's a Catholic school) and was told to draw a picture about the Easter story as homework.
Unfortunately, my friend doesn't have much of a clue about religion (she thought Jesus was Catholic) and she got her daughter to draw a picture of the Nativity.

Her daughter was sent home with a note from the teacher that said:

"Your daughter drew a picture of Jesus' birth. However, Easter is about the death of our saviour who died at 3pm on Good Friday and rose again on Easter Sunday"

My mate sent a note back to the teacher this morning that simply said:

"Oh really? What time?"

 

Every now and then someone asks me, "Would you like a beer?"

Well DUH! I mean what kind of stupid question is that?

I've posted this before:

Back several years ago (when I was still married to Ex Bruno) we moved from California to Texas. I went ahead of the family for a summer job, while Ex Bruno stayed behind to supervise the movers.

After finally settling in Austin we had all our stuff delivered. Hours and hours were spend unpacking. At one point I was unpacking the "front closet" box. The front closet was where I kept all my sports stuff -- bats, gloves, balls, etc.. I noticed something missing. I turned to Ex Bruno, "Have you seen my basketball?"

She replied, "It was broken and wouldn't bounce, so I threw it away."

Now this wasn't just any basketball. It was my first basketball. I'd had it since I was twelve. But, resisting the urge to throw a tantrum, I dropped the subject (moving was always stressful for Ex Bruno).

A few minutes later, Ex Bruno came over to help with the box I was unpacking. She came across an air needle and asked, "What's this?"

"Oh, that's an air needle. You stick this fat end in a bicycle pump and this skinny end in ... say a ball that won't bounce, like a basketball, and pump it up using the pump so it will bounce again."

It was not pretty after that ... but I felt much better.​

 

I was dating a guy who was completely clueless. We'd gone on a few dates, and it was beginning to seem to me like we had nothing in common. I finally asked him why he actually liked me.

His response: "You have long hair, so I know you're a real woman."

Uh, yeah. To this day, I'm still not sure what he meant by "real woman." I told him that that didn't seem like enough. Previously, we'd had a conversation about communism and totalitarianism. His next response on why he liked me was "Well, and you're really smart. You can teach me big words like 'totalitarianism'."

That was pretty much the end of that.

 

You a girl or gay? No offence, just always pictured you as a guy for some reason. Being gay is perfectly fine of course by the way lol.

 

I had a short lived friendship with a girl who thought that the steel works was a cloud factory and the wind farm made the wind blow, she also thought that chickens laid 2 different eggs, one for eating and one for chicks. I tested her for a bit before deciding she was serious and really that thick.

 

You know BTA, sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees.

 

I thought "you a girl or gay" quite appropriate for this thread.

 

Haha. I guess you are right. Pretty daft in hindsight.

 

Wow, that is just brilliant. I am going to go out on a limb here and assume you brought up the topic of communism?

 

Windows

[Me] clicks shut down
[Windows] Windows is having trouble shutting down. Would you like us to shut down?
[Me]

 

No, actually he did. And, come to think of it, that whole conversation was kind of daft.

Him: I don't want to be a smurf because they're all communists.

Me: Huh?

Him: Well, the government makes everyone do the same thing all the time. They're completely in charge and you have no freedom.

Me: (not sure how that translates to smurfs or why he was considering being a smurf in the first place): Well, it's true that so far, all communist governments have been totalitarian, but communism and totalitarianism are two different things.

Him: To-tal- what?

Me: Totalitarianism.

Him: What's that?

Me: It's when the government is in control of everything and the people are essentially slaves to the government.

Him: Oh. Cool! I know a new word now.

Me: (Continues to resist the urge of hitting my head on the table).

I find it odd how gender is perceived in writing. I'm obviously not very good at gender in writing: at least according to the websites that can test it. My female characters always come out "male" and my male characters come out "female." That said, I don't mind that my writing as myself comes out masculine. That's actually kind of cool.

 

Regarding smurfs one should bear in mind that they are into shrooms and that they are probably very open sexually since they only have one female, the Smurfette, who keeps getting much attention.

Vanity Smurf doesn't count since he is metrosexual and certainly not gay.

I hope that is daft enough.

 

Long time ago (15 years, I guess) I was wearing a rather lame T-shirt to some party. There was a text printed on my shirt, reading "One only drinks at two occasions: When it rains, and when it doesn't rain."

So a guy points at my shirt.

Guy: Huh! And when it snows?
Me: Then it doesn't rain.
Guy: Oh. And when there is a rainbow?
Me: Then it probably rains.
Guy: Not always.
Me: Well, there you have you're answer. It doesn't rain.
Guy: And when it hails? Real hard?
Me: ...

I really regretted putting that shirt on, but afterwards I kinda felt like being rewarded somehow for not punching him in the face. Kinda like Noober.

 

Hey - it took me a while to figure out yours was a seahorse.

 

"We should combine a spoon and a fork... we could call it a foon! ... Wait a minute."