Darth Lucas 2: Attack of the Clones!

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John Wayne sat smiling silently atop his favorite altar, stroking the fur of his favorite cat, who was purring in its favorite treatment.
Suddenly the chamber doors burst open and his arch-mistress Zelda entered, in her unrevealing layers of men's clothing. Her first pair of arms was covered with dozens of scars, which were covered with Cortizone-10, which was covered with Nicotene patches - obviously Zelda was ready for war.
John Wayne was so shocked at the sudden sight of the transvestic arch-mistress that the cat was instantly hurled in her direction, but obliterated to floating hairs in mid-air by Zelda's awesome shot-put reflexes.
"My lord, I have... news," Zelda said.
"Har! Hoor! Passitof Or-ie'll-kik:yirass- n' I Ayntshitin-yoo!" John Wayne spoke, in the vomit language of the Ohadi Dups-Sremraf Clan.
"I'm sorry, my lord, but Happy Old Betsey the Ducky has been slain by Darth Lucas."
John Wayne appeared shocked for a moment, and then realized what this meant. His favorite sheep slain by an enemy - it meant WAR!

"Holeeshee-ite ifdis- aynt=gnnab 'e' datdere war ss gnnab 'e' a biggun!"

Years later, John Wayne's armies were prepared to march against those of Darth Lucas. But the armies were in for a big surprise.
You see, once upon a time Darth Lucas had been a jed- uhh... had been a farmer with ingenious ideas on how to improve the industry with new castrators for certain genders of Tractor. But he had been persuaded by the evil Holy Scrawn Ney!Brit (like millions of others) to leave his home and become a Darth - with the soul purpose of killing John Wayne! Darth Lucas was incredibly powerful, and made thousands of inventions to better haggle his enemy over the years. One of these inventions was the Foam Machine, which produced green foam to boggle the minds of everyone on the planet. The foam was transported through all manner of children's toys - and many died horribly.
...The surprise that John Wayne's armies were in for was the Clones.
They were evil and terrible, bleak, grey-eyed demons produced from an assortment of dancing idiots and Blink 182 fans.
The surprise was found! As the armies marched into Ampitheater Valley, John Wayne was captured by Invisible Clones and taken to a torture chamber, where he was dissected alive over a period of ten well-fed years.
The armies were dealt with accordingly...
And lo! be it that all of John Wayne's life was blemished then deliquesced away, and Darth Lucas took over the world!

 

and hye lived happily ever after? Didn't Master Joda come to save him? Did they kill JarJar? Oh wait that's another movie!

Luke...ther is another..Attack of the clones!

-But I liked it!