Do you pretend?

Remove all ads!

How many people pretend to be someone they are not when trying to impress someone while they are dating?

Bring them flowers, be romantic, pull out the chair, open the doors, ect... When it really isn't your stlye...or the things you would normally do? Laugh at things that aren't funny? You get my point.

 

Excuse me? I wasn't pretending.
I do that all no matter dating or not. To everyone.

Except that "laughing at nothing". I never do that. Not even on a date. I'm not adorer of idiotic blockbuster comedy movies.
If you want me to laugh, that must be something more than farting, dropping of the chair, falling down the stairs, yada yada yada

 

It's funny...I'm totally romantic like that, not that I've had the chance to show it lately!

There is one thing I like to do when I'm talking on a cell phone and I think someone is listening....But I don't do this on dates...

1) I pretend I'm a wealthy day trader, when I'll say something on the phone like "when it hits 110 and a half, sell six thousand shares, take the proceeds and put it in the usual account...

2) I pretend I'm some sort of secret agent, and babble some fictitious code words to whomever I'm talking to, like: oh by the way...Mary had a little lamb, the lamb had 4 puppies and I left my heart in San Francisco - Then look around suspiciously.



I also like to buy women drinks in bars occasionally - just to see if it actually works! I'm about 50/50 in that. It's cheesy, but it's an in!

[This message has been edited by Sir Belisarius (edited March 14, 2002).]

 

As a rule i think most people become more aware of theyre bad sides when trying to impress the oposite sex, but pretending is just stupid, after all if you end up in a relationship theyre going to find out sooner or later

 

I am a gentleman, I don't pretend to be one.
Laughing at nothing is so out of context with the other things. It doesn't mean I am not happy.

[This message has been edited by ArchAngel (edited March 14, 2002).]

 

Nope, I don't pretend to be what I'm not. Never saw the point in it.

/me is a sad pushover...
I just know it! ugh.. fate is a tough thing.

I don't laugh at bad jokes unless the mood of others is contagious

dunno about romantic, that's for the opposite sex to decide

[This message has been edited by Lokken (edited March 14, 2002).]

 

Extremist----the question was not pointed directly at you!

(LOL)

 

I don't pretend when it comes to dating. I just act the way i am because if a girl expects me to change just so that it suits her then she can go f*** herself!

What may happen though which is by no means pretending is that i may 'seem' more romantic and sensitive when i'm with my girlfriend. This is because when i'm with friends i do not initiate my sensitive side as much as i do when i'm with my girlfriend. And i guess its also because i am slightly feminine in the way that i think about what i'm doing before decideing on anyhting so that my project me as a thoughtful caring person.

And i mean it when i say i don't pretend!

 

Is it "pretending" to:
- cover your nose when you sneeze
- dress appropriately for work, parties or church
- not spit in public
- stand, sit and kneel at the appropriate points in religious services
- refrain from smoking in nonsmoker's homes
- say "thank you" when someone gives you something?

After all, no one is born doing those things- they are learned behaviours to make life with others more pleasant for everyone. Similarly, appropriate behaviour on a date is learned behaviour to make the date more pleasant for everyone concerned.

Presumably this thread is a response to the answers people gave to the question "what is the appropriate etiquette on a date?" Etiquette is not "pretending". It is a code for defining expected public behaviour to make everyone more comfortable- the grease that reduces friction in all human interactions.

 

If by "pretending", you mean acting like someone you're not, or giving someone false impressions of yourself to make them like you? Not only no, but I'm highly bothered by people that do that sort of thing.

It's one thing to be romantic, and a whole other thing just to act that way. What happens if you're just doing it to impress someone? What happens in six months? Two years? Flowers still, to keep up the charade? Then the reciever of the flowers stays happy and content knowing that they are with a true romantic, but the flower giver is miserable because they are living a lie, of sorts. Let's turn it around, and say that the flower-giver ceases the gifts after a few months or years. Wouldn't the reciever be a bit let down to know that they could be fooled into a relationship by someone that seems romantic? Might they think that their partner loves them less, because they stop showing romance in the way of gifts? It could turn into a bitter relationship, rife with supressed hatred.

Isn't honesty the mortar that holds the bricks of any relationship together? If you can't be honest about the type of person you are, then what can you be honest about?

People that "pretend" early on are setting themselves up for major dissapointments in the long run. I also think that people who resort to dishonesty are playing mindgames and that is deplorable.

I am so glad that I was never in the "dating scene". Is this a normal thing that people do? I had no idea. No wonder divorce rates are so high.

 

Basicly, Pretending is like an empty gift. You can always let it be unopen and hope for the best. But you'll never experience the thrill and surprises of opening it.

There are always those in for a one night stand. Charade or not they get what they want.

Did we say enough obvious things in this thread by now?

 

Does the word 'corny' or 'quorny' (i aint too sure of the spelling) mean the same as a pretender?

 

Well I have big problems with dating because I cant do anything that *impresses* a lady. And the more interested I am, the silenter I become or the more trivial the conversation. If I am not interested at all in a lady, I am mr Charming personated but that not even intentional.

But to answer the question, no I do not pretend, what the h*ll should I pretend to be??

 

be yourself!

when you're trying to impress someone, it means you want to get to know them better. hopefully that means that eventually they'll see the real you. if you're really lucky you might be able to 'reel them in' quickly (by which time they'll ignore your imperfections). however, most people are able to spot 'fakes'.

joacqin my friend, if you find yourself clamming-up because you really like them, you should just tell her that! you'd be ammazed how girls find that 'sweet'.

general advice to everyone- on dates you can avoid having to pretend by constantly asking your companion questions.

good luck! -the god of agony aunts


[This message has been edited by the god (edited March 18, 2002).]

 

It's stupid to pretend. If some guy pulls out a chair for me to act polite, then I will say thank you and sit my ass down without a word more. But if I've known this guy for awhile, and all of a sudden he starts pulling out chairs for me, I will sit my ass down and tell him why he suddenly did that. And if he says he needed a change, that's BS. And I am totally already with dating an idiot.

 

And what if he replied, "I am mending my ways to be worthy of you, O Goddess of the Shadows?"

If you're old buddies with a guy, you can skip that whole pull-chair-out, bring-flowers courtship dance. If, on the other hand, you are using dating to get to know the guy, give me "pretence" any day, if it means he minds his manners and treats me like a lady. If, instead of bringing you flowers and taking you to a restaurant, he suggests you cook him dinner, then flops down on your couch to drink beer, fart and watch a hockey game, would you *really* say "oh, yes, this is the true and honest man for me!" ? I sure wouldn't. Yes, of course, that's his "natural" post-wedding behaviour (he is a GUY, right?) but if he does it that early in a relationship, all he's saying is he doesn't give a flying fig what you think of him. Bad, bad, bad sign.

Damona: your comment "Sure, most girls wouldn't fly into the arms of a loser that does that sort of thing on the first date" is exactly what I'm saying. Only an idiot would act like this on a first date- and that doesn't mean NOT acting like this is "pretending". It's showing good manners. What do dollar signs have to do with it?

[This message has been edited by Sprite (edited March 18, 2002).]

 

Alright, lemme get this straight. It's aye-ok for a guy to act interested to get into a girl's pants, then be a jerk after the fact? It's cool if a guy parks his ass on the couch, drinks, orders a hot meal, while ignoring you for a game on TV, because he bought some stuff and pulled out a few chairs? That's the wrong message to be sending to young women. Young men, too, for that matter.

Sure, most girls wouldn't fly into the arms of a loser that does that sort of thing on the first date. I would hope (for the good of womanhood everywhere) that a girl wouldn't automatically fall for the same jerkoff if he makes a few half-hearted token gestures of romance and spends a few bucks on gas-station roses. In my opinion, half-assed greeting card type gestures are fake.

Romance is a highly individualized thing. Some girls would like to snuggle on the couch with their guy to catch a game, just as many women like to cook a good meal for their family, but to be relegated to such an existence because it's socially acceptable, after a courtship of pretense? Romance is intuitive and instinctive. It's both passionate and compassionate. It's not about half assed gestures and dollar signs.

 

I've always found that when I'm on the first couple of dates with someone I'm on my 'best behaviour' so to speak I always try to be polite and courteous anyways, but I'm more mindful of it when I'm first getting to know someone (applies for things other than dates too). It's that first bit of getting to know each other, but it's not 'pretending'. I'm not 'being' someone else.

I think that being 'on your best behaviour' is totally different than if I tried to pawn myself off as some super-athletic, ultra-suave 'stud'. That's not me That's pretending.

 

WHAT? You aren't a super-athletic, ultra-suave 'stud'??? That's it, I want a divorce. The man I married was definitely a stud.

Just wanted to add that pretending to be someone you aren't is not exclusively a male date behaviour. I had a friend in high school who used to eat a whole bag of chocolate cookies before a date so that she would have no appetite, and pick delicately at salad and water during the date. Men LOVED this, "Oh, she's so dainty, like a little bird."

 

Lessee..... (Darn, I use that expression a lot nowadays...)

Does it count as pretending when you modify your behaviour to fit the current company? I mean, usually, I juggle all the aspects of my personality, and, depending on the company, I am an intellectual snob, or a juvenile delinquent, or a nerdy goth, or whatever I think makes me fit in best.

Of course, here in SP, I have no role to play. I know that I am accepted as what I am, even the poisonous bits.

Ara
(Feeling oddly sentimental and pompous...)