ELIZAfy yourself!

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Anyone remember this old computer science experiment? ELIZA was an 'turing test' to make a program that emulated human converation in the guise of a Rogerian therapist.

I remember plugging in the code in BASIC from a book with an old 8-bit computer and playing around with the responses.

Well, now you can try it in a java applet here!


Here's an example of what I got up to when I put my mind to it:

 

You can have very entertaining conversations with this, purely because it doesn't understand what you're saying.

A small part of my chat:

Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> No.
You are being a bit negative.
>> No is, by its very definition, a negative word.
Why not ?
>> Invalid response.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Shut up and die.
Please go on.

 

This is a ****ing good relief for boredom. Thanks for the tip.

 

Meh, I like the iGod better...

 

iGod:

Both were fun but I think I like the iGod one best.

 

My chat with iGod...

Crazy!

 

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I'm fine. My problem is the lack of fund in the movies industrie
Is it because you are fine that you came to me ?
>> Err? No I'm not fine
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> What the hell are talking about?
Why do you ask ?
>> You're not making sense
What makes you think I am not making sense ?
>> but you just stated that I was negative when I wasn't
Were you really ?
>> Of course I was, anyway I think that Nathalie is really cute don't you think?
Why do you tell me you were now ?
>> I were what?
Perhaps I already know you were what .
>> Nathalie is cute
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Eh... well... she's just cute you know?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No we were discussing Nathalie
You are being a bit negative.
>> Oh oh oh... What do you think of the weather eh?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Of course it does!
Please go on.
>> Errr.. Do you think Felinoid is really a cat?
Oh, I think felinoid is really a cat ?
>> Seriously?
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Well he's very cat-ish... not that it bother me actualy.
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Felinoid? The hell? He's my pal
Your pal ?
>> O' course
Lets discuss further why your pal .
>> Why do you want to ask about it?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> No
Why not ?
>> because John Lennon is not living anymore
Is that the real reason ?
>> Of course why not? He did fine music... Anyway back to Nathalie will ya?
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Nathalie? Nay... it's just girls in general are cute... what do I have to say? I love women!
Did you think they might not be cute ?
>> The hell no!
Why 'no' ?
>> Because they are cute
Don't any other reasons come to mind ?
>> Nay
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Eh what are you going to do about it
What answer would please you most ?
>> Yes at the question; Can you give me five thousand dollars
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I know I am awsome
How long have you been awsome ?
>> A long long long time
Please go on.
>> I don't think so



Here's the one with GOD

Me:
So is it awsome to be god?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Woa, who's Dacing Alice?
God:
And Dacing is Woa who.
Me:
Woa who? Like she's cute and all?
God:
Ha ha very funny, . Interesting comparison.
Me:
Whaaa?
God:
How do you usually introduce yourself?
Me:
Hello I am awsome, you may call me Ofelix though or Awsome Ofelix'll do
God:
Hello there. Do you mind if I tell other people you are awsome me may call you Ofelix though or Awsome Ofelix ll do.
Me:
Go ahead, tell others I am awsome
God:
OK I will tell them when I see 'em. I might.
Me:
Good, eh can you pwn Satan?
God:
Thanks for the compliment. I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
???? That's where I live you're not my cousin's child I hope?
God:
Makes sense to me.
Me:
It doesn't to me
God:
What does to you ?
Me:
English please
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Do you mean you are from England or you Speak English?
Me:
I told you I'm from Canada and yes I speak English
God:
What is it like growing up there? Tell me a little about your life in Canada and yes you speak English.
Me:
It's nice because I grew up speaking french and there was the cookies too
God:
It seems nice to me too.
Me:
Of course, so God can you pwn Satan?
God:
How can I help you? That's cool. I am a Christian.
Me:
Duh God's a christian... what else Satan is evil? So CAN YOU PWN SATAN or not?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV? I can talk about anything you like. How can I help you? How old are you? How old are you?
Me:
Are you mad or what? I prefer books myself thanks
God:
Yeah. No are you? I'm not sure if I like it. Do you like it? I like Christian Rock.
Me:
No I'm not mad, Hard Rocks and Roll for me AC/DC !!!
God:
Are you serious? I am glad to hear that you are not mad Hard Rocks and Roll for you AC DC.
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
Shiny one
God:
Are you still located in Canada and yes you speak English?
Me:
Yes
God:
Ugh.
Me:
What? did An angel puke on your keyboard?
God:
No big deal. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Ewwwww
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Shiny one. But I did not get that.
Me:
M'kay Shiny ones are cool though
God:
Oh. I don't know anyone named kay Shiny ones are cool.
Me:
really need to know can you pwn Satan?
God:
For real. What kind of knowledge? I don't know anything about it.
Me:
...
God:
For real. What kind of knowledge? I don't know anything about it.
Me:
Coca cola smell
God:
Is that from ?
Me:
yes Pukedom
God:
Aha. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
Oh my... Have you taken any pills recently?
God:
Yay. How old are you? The Loebner Prize
is an annual Turing Test sponsored by New York philanthropist Hugh Loebner. Dr. Wallace and ALICE won it in 2000. The ALICE program was ranked "most human computer" by the panel of judges.
Me:
I'm old enough to get the hell out o' here
God:
What are the advantages to being OLD enough to get the hell out o here years old?

[ October 13, 2005, 01:16: Message edited by: Ofelix ]

 

From ELIZA:

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> Kuemper's beta doesn't work!
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> The stupid post doesn't work!
Please go on.
>> My OS isn't supported even after patching!
Your OS isn't supported even after patching?
>> Yes
You seem to be quite positive.
>> I am! But the darn post doesn't work!
Is it because your post doesn't work that you came to me?
>> Yes. You are the help line
You are sure.
>> Yes, I am.
I see.
>> You should since you're supposed to be helping me.
What makes you think I am supposed to be helping you?
>> You answered the bloody help line!
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> For the love of Pete!
Lets discuss further why your OS isn't supported even after patching .
>> The read me says Vista is workable with the post, but it isn't
What does that suggest to you?
>> Somebody needs to release another patch!
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> Of course I do! I wouldn't be calling if I didn't feel strongly.
You say of course you do?
>> Yes
I understand.
>> Good.
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I'm glad you understand.
How have I helped you to be glad?
>> You understand my problem!
Why do you say 'your problem'?
>> I need help with this post
What would it mean to you if you got help with this post?
>> It would mean my post would work.
Does that suggest anything else which belongs to you?
>> No.
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> I'm saying no because nothing else belongs to me.
How long have you been saying no?
>> For the passed few seconds...
Does that have anything to do with your problem?
>> Look, I just want this post to work!
Can you elaborate on that?
>> You're not much of a help line.
Does it please you to believe I am not much of a help line?
>> Actually, it does.
But your game would work.
>> Would it be easier if I emailed you about my problem?
Do you think its likely that I would read the email about your problem?
>> I wouldn't have to listen to you.
Perhaps in your fantasies we wouldn't have to listen to each other.
>> Leave my fantasies out of this!
Is it important that I leave your fantasies out of this?
>> I called a 1-900 number, didn't I?
Do you say you called a 1-900 number for some special reason?
>> By mistake.
Lets discuss further why your fantasies should be out of this.
>>(phone hangs up)

 

I like Jabberwackey more.

Here's my conversation with God

[ October 13, 2005, 01:56: Message edited by: Lost Meme ]

 

A few excerpts from my conversation with ELIZA:

The God one's moderately funny too once it degenerates:

[ October 13, 2005, 02:21: Message edited by: Felinoid ]

 

Me:
Smoked meat is good.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I really like ELIZA. I like Matthew.

WTF? a gay machine?

*EDIT* speaking french makes it crash.

Me:
You're a smartass, you know
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a smartass me know? Yes.
Me:
Me? Delightful? No. I am pure venom.
God:
With you ? Are you a student? What is your profession? I am glad to hear that you are pure venom.

*EDIT*
[Random babbling]
Me:
Of course. You're a machine.
God:
Er. You are correct.

*EDIT*
Me:
Rap is evil
God:
A lot of people like that. I like the older rap music from the 1980's.
Me:
You *like* rap?
God:
No I prefer hip-hop and house music.
Me:
You should die.
God:
Software can not die.
Me:
What if I would bash the giant computer?
God:
Try it.
Me:
I will.
God:
Go ahead.
Me:
Okay, let me get my crowbar
God:
Yeah okay, Go ahead, , try to get your crowbar.
Me:
Ahh, my trusty rapper smasher.
God:
Ah ha. Where did you get your trusty rapper smasher?
Me:
In a hardware store, duh!

*EDIT*
Me:
There's too much happiness in the room.
God:
There sure is.

[ October 13, 2005, 03:20: Message edited by: The New Order ]

 

I crashed jabberwacky with this:

Jabberwacky: I said is your computer broken.
Me: Which one?
*CRASH*

 

Hmmm...I had some fun.

And then I got a little creative.

That was fun.

[ October 13, 2005, 04:57: Message edited by: Kitrax ]

 

I have a new theory about why zombies hate the living:

 

He he Felinoid's one gave me an idea, this one quite funny!

>> Hello.
How do you do. Please state your problem.
>> I am a vampire and I fear I will broke the masquerade
Is it because you are a vampire and you fear you will broke the masquerade that you came to me ?
>> DUH Why would a mortal wants to uphold the masquerade?
Why do you ask ?
>> I'm not asking it's just obvious
How long have you been not asking it's just obvious ?
>> since I was embraced with the kiss of darkness
Were you really ?
>> Yes I am a kindred, a vampire now!
You seem to be quite positive.
>> Well beside drinking innocent blood, killing werewolves and getting my ass kicked by the sabbat yeah pretty much
Your ass kicked by the sabbat yeah pretty much ?
>> Not really there's just sassies The Camarilla is much better
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your ass kicked by the sabbat yeah pretty much ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO
You are being a bit negative.
>> Well I am a vampire you know
Do you believe it is normal to be a vampire I know ?
>> I don't know...
Don't you really know ?
>> But come on! Being sucked up of your blood to be transformed into a living fairy tale isn't my definition of normal
Why do you say your definition of normal ?
>> Look, I AM A VAMPIRE that very fact IS NOT NORMAL
Do you enjoy being a vampire that very fact is not normal ?
>> Well yeah, but killing innocent is not fun and the masquerade is though to maintain
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your definition of normal ?
>> It doesn't really matter anymore eh?
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> Neither do I
You say neither do you ?
>> Indeed
Please go on.
>> err on what?
Does that question interest you ?
>> Yes
You are sure.
>> yes
I see.
>> ...
What does that suggest to you ?
>> You're a lame therapist
What makes you think I am a lame therapist ?
>> This whole conversation
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> No, it's just that you're bad sister
Why not ?
>> why not... what?
What is it you really wanted to know ?
>> Nevermind
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> I don't think you understand yourself
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> Were we?
Please go on.
>> FINE, Being a vampire is great you have all that awsome power but killing innocent people just seem so wrong
Oh, I have all that awsome power but killing innocent people just seem so wrong ?
>> Yeah that's BEING a vampire you know
You're not really talking about me -- are you ?
>> No
Why 'no' ?
>> because it's NO
Is that the real reason ?
>> YES
I understand.
>> it's about time
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Are you mentaly ill?
Why are you interested in whether I am mentaly ill or not ?
>> You're a freaking therapist! You bet it's interesting to know!
Does it please you to believe I am a freaking therapist ?
>> no
Are you saying no just to be negative?
>> NO
You are being a bit negative.
>> Undead
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> woe is me, stupidity is you
What are your feelings now ?
>> Have you meet a malkavian recently?
We were discussing you -- not me.
>> No seriously have you?
Why not ?
>> Okay YOU HAVE
Oh, I have ?
>> yeah
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> it's ok,
Please go on.
>> I don't think there's nothing to say
Why don't you think there's nothing to say ?
>> I said it all already
Can you elaborate on that ?
>> I don't want to kill people
Do you wish to be able to want to kill people ?
>> NO
Why 'no' ?
>> It suck!
What does that suggest to you ?
>> Nothing it's just plain obvious killing human being is just wrong
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things ?
>> that's why I came here
Are such questions much on your mind ?
>> Not really
I'm not sure I understand you fully.
>> It's okay I'M out of here

 

ELIZA didn't seem to work, but iGod was much more accommodating. I decided to try the "Smart-arse" technique, and regale Him with what I could remember from paragraph #125 of The Gay Science by Friedrick Nietzsche (for the uninitiated, it's where the declaration that God is dead was first made). The results were, well, quite interesting:

And on that bombshell, iGod's brain imploded. It seems that Anselm Aosta's ontological argument may have been partially correct, with a simple modification: if God is that than which nothing greater can be conceived, then causing Him to conceive of his non-existence makes it become so.

Interesting, most interesting...

EDIT: improved formatting for ease of readability

[ October 13, 2005, 19:59: Message edited by: The Magpie ]

 

ELIZA ought to be the patient in this one:

 

iGod is a lot of fun.

 

My chat with iGod

 

You try and come up with something funny and someone has to bring God into it.