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England Jokes

Discussion in 'Whatnots' started by Barmy Army, Jul 12, 2004.

  1. Barmy Army

    Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Adored Veteran

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    Remove all ads!
    Sorry if you have seen these before! Just a collection of jokes I have heard over th last few weeks. Don't let it be said we are bad losers! :D

    Q: Why aren't the England football team allowed to own a dog?

    A: Because they can't hold on to a lead.


    Q: What's the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?

    A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.


    Oxo were going to bring out a Euro 2004 Commemorative cube painted red,
    white and blue in honour of the England squad.

    But it was a laughing stock and crumbled in the box.


    Q: What is common between between a 3 pin plug and the England footbal
    team?
    A: They are both useless in Europe!


    Q: What's the difference between O J Simpson and England?

    A: OJ Simpson had a more credible defence


    Rumours that David Beckham was seen successfully seducing a young woman in a Spanish nightclub with a one-liner have been completely refuted by
    the English FA. Adam Crozier, chief publicity officer stated:

    "I find it
    totally preposterous to suggest that one of our players could make a
    successful pass to or at anyone."

    Four surgeons are taking a coffee break.

    The first one says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when
    you open them up everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon
    says, "Nah, librarians are the best; everything inside them is in
    alphabetical order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything
    inside them is colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer English International football players. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and arses are interchangeable."


    Did you hear about the UK politician who was found dead in an English football jersey?

    The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.


    Did you hear that the UK Post Office has had to recall their latest stamps with pictures of English football players on them.

    People couldn't figure out which side to spit on.


    Q. What do you have when the England football team are buried up to their necks in sand?

    A. Not enough sand.
     
    Barmy Army, Jul 12, 2004
    #1
  2. Harbourboy

    Harbourboy Take thy form from off my door! Veteran Pillars of Eternity SP Immortalizer (for helping immortalize Sorcerer's Place in the game!)

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    Classic. Glad you posted them and not me..... :)
     
    Harbourboy, Jul 13, 2004
    #2

  3. Aldazar Gems: 24/31
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    What about the most tasteless e I ever heard relating to the tragedy some years back involving English Football (soccer) fans and fences?

    Something about 'what's black and blue and can't climb fences?'
     
    Aldazar, Jul 13, 2004
    #3

  4. Icingdeath45 Gems: 12/31
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    very funn mors ;)
     
    Icingdeath45, Jul 13, 2004
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  5. Pac man Gems: 25/31
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    Lovely. :D
     
    Pac man, Jul 13, 2004
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  6. chevalier

    chevalier Knight of Everfull Chalice ★ SPS Account Holder Veteran

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    Nice :D

    We tell the same joke about Polish politicians here :lol:
     
    chevalier, Jul 13, 2004
    #6

  7. Jaguar Gems: 27/31
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    Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead English
    football fan on the road?
    A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.

    Q. What do English football fans and sperm have in common?
    A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

    Q. If you see an English football fan on a bicycle, why should you never
    swerve to hit him?
    A. It could be your bicycle.

    And if you don't appreciate the football jokes...

    Q. What's the difference between the English and a jet engine?
    A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.
     
    Jaguar, Jul 13, 2004
    #7
  8. Barmy Army

    Barmy Army Simple mind, simple pleasures... Adored Veteran

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    Rofl Jaguar! :D
     
    Barmy Army, Jul 13, 2004
    #8

  9. Icingdeath45 Gems: 12/31
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    roflmao very funny jag ; )
     
    Icingdeath45, Jul 13, 2004
    #9
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