Funny NPC Dialogues

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Which NPC dialogue do you find the funniest?

For me, it's this guy called Caulder in Targos Palisades who's fixing a catapult. After convincing he needs help and lending him a hammer, he proceeds to ask my character to stand back.

Caulder: "DAMNABLE NAILS, MAKE A FOOL OF ME, WILL YOU? I'LL SMASH YOU INTO THE HELLS! TAKE THIS! AND THIS! NOT SO SMART *NOW*, ARE YOU? NOW STAY IN! *STAY* IN!"

It doesn't end there, below are the reply options

1) By the Gods! Stop, man, stop! You're killing them!
2) Calm down! Save it for the goblins!
3) Whoa! *Someone's* obviously married.

Wahahahah never fails to crack me up

[ August 21, 2004, 05:49: Message edited by: Alphidius ]

 

I like Oswald's niece's (Meridie or something) dialogue just before Kuldahar where she's says things like "sometimes I fall down".

Also that guy in the Severed Hand who think's he's a rock.

And the bit just before Chapter 4 where you talk to the guy about his "war-bears" who "bear collars".

 

In the palisade conversation with Anson and the other two mercs when he says he made 4 gold for clearing the rats in the warehouse, I always respond with the "If I needed 4 gold I'd pull it out of my stool". Which he replies "Remind me to never get gold from you then" or something along those lines. I laugh a little everytime

 

I like the drunk in the Palisades area (Niles?), the conversation you get xp from if you manage to straighten him out. Drunks are just funny to me. ^^

That whole little exchange reminds me of a similar thing in one of the Eddings novels, I think it was the Mallorean, where an alcoholic soldier got demoted and his wife was throwing him out, and Ce'Nedra convinced him to sober up with a little "encouragement" from Zakath.

The ship captain's mom cracks me up too. She reminds me of my aunt, who is also a loud crazy lady with a lot of cats. ^^

You know, the more I think about it, there has to be an Eddings fan on the development team. Torak the orc chieftain?

 

The leader of the Luskan forces has some damn funny dialogue as well once you have dispatched the shapeshifters at the IceWall.

"I shoulda' known when 'is feet stopped stinkin' 'alfway up from the crossroads. 'E was a right smelly bastard ...

 

for me the champ has got to be the conversation with anson regarding the dead cat you've got stuck in your inventory. hehe. VERY perceptive of the programmers to predict that we'd take it along for just that very reason. first time i ever laughed out loud while playing any FR setting game i think haha

 

Oooo... here's another

After asking the price from Deirdre for the 300 arrows for Isherwood, my character says something like: "50 gold, such a small sum and I thought how much would it cost"

Deirdre replies something like "Oh really? Then how much do you have now?" Wahahahahha

My character promptly replied "Don't play with me, Deirdre"

 

@Enagonios: the last time I laughed like that playing an IE game was in BG2:ToB when I saw the "n00b" adventurers. At first I was very distressed to find a dead cat (I am a big cat person), but when I talked to Anson it paid off. I love meta humor, and there seems to be a lot of it in IWD2, at least as far as I've seen (which isn't far).

@Alphidius: Oh dear lord that was funny. My character replied the exact same way, too.

I also get a kick out of the guy you take the archery bet with, especially if you destroy the keg and demand your winnings. The way he cries poormouth is just too funny. "But this is a family heirloom!"

 

hehe i take it anyway as it sells for around 15 gp at least. cheapskate cant pay the gold he owes, he deserves it

 

That's what's so funny about it. If that cheap-ass bow was a family heirloom, his family must have been from the Faerunian equivalent of a trailer park or something.

Take 'em for every cent, that's my motto.

 

My favorite reply to an NPC was after completing the quest for Tahvo the Huntmaster. He tells you how much of a good job you've done and to tell Suoma of your exploits. One of your replies to this is "Don't forget, ruggedly handsome too."

 

I enjoy when you walk in on Gathma (Bugbear leader) and he asks how you get in and you proceed to inform him of all the bodies behind you. Intersting how after destroying his entire army he still thinks he can take you on...

 

I like the guys as the catapult in the prologue. The whole prologue is funny as hell, as already mentioned!

 

@Paine- I noticed the Eddings refrences, especially Torak, but I never finished all his series...*shame*

I'm glad they made that prologue funny...other wise it would be boring as hell.
My favorite part by far is when you run into Malavon in the Underdark, his conversations with the other drow is priceless, and we can't forget:
Char: I want to tell you about my progress with the driders.
Malavon: Proceed.
Char: I have discovered nothing.
Malavon: Thank you. For that fascinating revelation. --I forgot the rest.

 

Dead cat and Anson are funny, really improved my opinion of the game when i found out about it.

At last we're not the only ones getting tasks like "clean that warehouse of rats", "fetch me this from the other side of the city" stuff. At least those guys and Anson got those missions and we get the gobbies

 

Oh goodness yes. The humor of the prologue was the only thing that kept me sane, since I had to start the game over *three* times due to various weirdness.

Deirdre cracks me up too. I love fiesty redheads.

 

The mercenaries in the bar can be quite amusing at times as well.

 

"So will we ever see the end of these fetch and carry missions?"

"Umm..."

"Heh..."

"Nghh." (translates: No)