Humourous opinion piece about Canada

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I saw this and thought it was great - some of you (the Canadians at least) might like it too.

Note that I am in NO WAY giving up on my outrage about the Canadian government's Enron-like approach to financial accountability, and I will keep being a conservative bastard on the subject, but there are a lot of things I really love about this country (which is why I live here) and this article nails them all right on the head.

Can I ask that posts in this thread please be kept to the subject of Canada, and NOT stray to bashing other countries such as our little brother to the south? Thanks.

American Perspective on Canada
By Samantha Bennett
Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His lawn is cared for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the feeling he doesn't always lock his front door.

He wears Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one day you discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard is his spouse.

Allow me to introduce Canada.

The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things. It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your attic have been building an espresso machine.

Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag along brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the stuff anyway.

And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong.

Now, here's the part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991. And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation campaign. (The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.)

They don't even have a death penalty!

And yet .. nationally, overall crime in Canada has been declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in 2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with guns brought in from the United States, which has become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of North America but my theory is that the surge in pot smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to commit violent crimes. They're probably more focused on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all.

Just last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize same sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really care about families. Not enough to make sure they all have health insurance, of course, but more than those libertines up north.

This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger to all our stereotypes about Canada. It's supposed to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer drinking hockey players, not founded by freedom fighters in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists and royalists more interested in order and good government than liberty and independence.

But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved and moderate, why are they so progressive about letting people do what they want to?

Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government isn't influenced by large, well organized religious groups and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets 19-year-olds drink, has more of its population living in urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than the United States. These are all things we've been told will wreck our society. But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs seems oddly sound. Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom but really demand that everyone be the same. But the Canadians seem more adult, more secure.

They aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.

I wonder if America will ever be that cool.

Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette (PA)
Author: Samantha Bennett

 

I'm from Canada! Woo-hoo! pot-smokin', love-makin', beer drinkin', non-conformin' Canadiens.

 

Yeah, and their spelling is off too. Canada, but Canadians. Jeez.

But did I miss a part on state-provided healthcare there?

And I object to the statement, "little brother."

[ September 21, 2003, 04:36: Message edited by: Oaz ]

 

Death penalty is more a Legal murder if ye ask me

you never been to Québec^^ I'll not talk much about this since it may offend to few non-québecker out there ( I wonder if I'm not the québecker here)...sigh...

you never meet me dad^^

**You** said it...

Anyway AFAIK Canada is the largest country, Maybe second since Russia is big too, anyway It's a big country with nobody because of the weather... Winter...yeah...

 

You know, I've always wondered what Canada would be like if the US let it's military patrol a 5 mile DMZ along the Rio Grande. They'd have to buffer their customs agents, and it would really bite down on trade.

But my first guess is within five years the Columbians and Mexicans would be shipping it by boat to the north border, and bringing it in from there.

 

Hehe, Canada is becoming Holland's bigger brother.

Holland has a uhmm...'gedogen beleid' on drugs for years now. I don't even think there is an English word for 'gedogen', so I'll try to explain what a 'gedogen beleid' is. It basically means that drugs are illegal, but you won't be punished for using soft drugs. You can savily smoke marijuana, without the authorities doing anything about it. This way, the police can focus on bigger problems, and drug related crimes are down, for they have to go through less trouble to get drugs.

I think Holland was (one of the) first countries to make this legal.

I think this is about the Dutch motto: do what you want, as long as you don't bother people too much.

Canada is learning, but not there yet. In Holland (and I guess in a lot of other European countries) 18-year-olds can legally drink. 16-year-olds can legally drink beer.


In a short while, Canada will maybe legalise euthenasia and you'll be able to say **** on national television.

 

The F word and its brethren is a viable word in any tv station in any civilised country. It is funny to see American stars being interviewed in Swedish television and when they figure out that they can curse they light up and start talking like sailors.

 

But seriously, I do wish some of the tolerance type things were here in America. I'm getting tired of shoving others' prejudices right back down their throats.

 

But we're not perfect - we did contaminate the world with Celine Dion!

 

Yeah but we give this plague to US also... And we add the queen on dollar, WHY? why? Why not hockey legend instead of her?


edit: I just realized that ¨US¨ not writing in Capital letter didn't mean the same thing

 

Oaz said:

If you look at my post the "iens" is written in italics. I did that on purpose because of our french speaking population. Les Candadiens c'est le plus bon!

 

That was quite funny. A stereotype, or to be more precise a series of them, but nevertheless, some good points. I don't agree with much of what was said, but the fact is that while America is great, other countries are too, and beat the States in some ways.

On a side note, I hate the Quebecois!

 

then you hate me... What have we done to you?

 

I LOVE Quebec!!! It's like France Lite! The Quebecois are only mildly rude to Americans, which is always a pleasant surprise.

When are they ever going to break away from Canada and become their own nation?

 

DM, it's a matter of political principle!

 

Well, when they will choose me as a prime minister... seriously as long as the liberal are at the head of Quebec, Quebec will still be a province a Canada, wich ins't a bad thing...well...almost

 

I don't want to harsh anyone's gig here. Or go overboard.

But over the past two hundred years, everyone's (mostly Europe, but Asia too) "un-desirables" have been moving to the United States. Puritans and Anabaptists. Blacks and Vietnamese. Criminals and scientists. I'm not even *remotely* trying to justify it, or quanitize it, or judge anyone. That's just the way it's been. For whatever kind of whacked reason, they felt oppressed elsewhere else and free here. Land and population density were also an issue, along with some plain old good timing and luck. And, I guess, a lot of dead buffalo. It wasn't the hot french chick that inticed them.

My point is everyone else's country is now nice and "pure". There are some issues you just don't have to deal with. It's not right or wrong; a mountain spring and a cess-pool. It's just a part of the whole cycle.



Good Lord. Other than the Arabs, is there anyone else that outlawed booze?
Or The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn?

Cut US some slack, jack.

(I'll cut EU and Canada some too. )

 

They were quite nice when last we visited, and tolerant of my bad French. Of course, that was before Bush.

 

The Quebecois are brutal to the Western half of Canada though. And if you don't speak french... they're that close to lynching you! Luckily my brother, sister and I all speak decent french (or used to at least). It's funny, throughout the rest of the world, if you speak english you're basically treated like a god, but not in Quebec.